Just another day in the life
Have a passport appointment for the big guy first thing in the morning. He wakes up, says his stomach hurts. Okay wants to go eat yogurt. Not ideal, but if that's what he wants... We about to leave to the appointment and I'm on the toilet he comes in and says his stomach still hurts. "How does it hurt?"... Proceeds to vomit all over the place. Great this exact moment when I'm going #2. Poor little guy, you could see how scared he was cuz he had no control over it coming up and breathing. Calm him down. Says he feels better. I wipe the mess up. Throw it in the wash machine we go brush our teeth together to get the bad taste out and neuter the acid. I sit down on the bathtub edge. Little man's sees me comes down from his sink stool and wants to sit next to me to also brush his teeth. I lift him up we both sitting on the bathtub edge brushing and he looks at me and smiles. So wholesome, little things/moments. I felt so fulfilled and there is nothing I'd rather be doing then being with my kid.
So we go to the gov building. Clerk asks me for whom the passport is. I say the young man here. Then she asks me if I'm married to the mother. I said "I'm the father". Asks again "Are you married to the mother". Now I see red. thoughts: Wtf does that matter. I'm the dad stfu and do his passport. All documents you need are there. Sexist. If you wanna play that game go back to the kitchen and we'll pull your right to vote. My thought process in 1/2 second. Anyway, I sort of hint that it's complicated. She asks again. Fine, you want reality?. "Mother died". My kid then tells her that his mom died. That shut her up quick.
A day in the life men.
Posted Jul 26, 2022, 9:51 AM UTC
i'm sorry you felt that was inappropriate.
I think the laws for passports of children under 16 require information about all the legal guardians of the child link. perhaps it was a way to get that information?
again i'm sorry. but i kinda feel this person was just doing their job.
calling them sexist and then making a sexist comment though is also inappropriate - i realize it was only a thought and you didn't act on it.
Clerk didn't ask me of my relation to the kid. But relation to the kids mother. How is a policy/law that by default gives all rights to the mother not sexist ? Plus it's not only that. A considerable time when traveling I get asked where the mother is. So you can definitely say I'm sensitive to the fact on how second class citizen dad's are treated and I'm tired of it. If you read stories in this sub how women withhold access to kids. I see red quick. I'm aware it's not the clerks faults. She just following sexist policy and social conditioning. Hence why I didn't act on my emotions. I'm no animal, i just live in a failed European society.
i'm sorry it upset you so. I am not trying to argue.
I think the part is that under 16 they need documents of divorce or such things - which is more common than death for split parenting (i would imagine - honestly i'm just guessing here). So asking if you're married to the mother is a way to lead into "and where is the divorce decree" which they would need to process the passport.
like all im saying here is better to attribute it to ignorance than malice
This sounds right unless OP left out some information.
Who's to say she wouldn't ask a mother by herself for a child's father's information/permission to get a passport? I say this as a father who's changed many diapers while balancing my child on my knees on the floor of a men's restroom.
Sick moves. It was more like an ID. International travel wouldn't be possible outside Schengen. I just have never encountered any government body every asking a mother where the father is. I say this as a son who's mom travled solo with us constantly when we were kids.
God damnit. I was hoping for a circle jerk and here you pour critical thinking onto my 1/2 sec meltdown. Yeah I totally get that it's a possibility. I just think it's highly unlikely, since it's more like an ID thing where international travel wouldn't be possible. Anyway I didn't want that to be the focal point of the story but of course it would be. Haha always happens when I write shit online, somehow turns controversial. Anyway thanks for replying. I appreciate your response.
In most western countries, it's a two-key system like launching a nuke. They don't want either parent getting a passport and kidnapping the kid to North Fuckistan without the other parent's knowledge.
I totally get that. Like I said it only lasted like 1/2 sec and I didn't act on it. That makes me civilized right. Guess I'm guilty of a thought crime though and sharing it. It was more of an ID thing and wouldn't allow real international travel. Anyway I didn't want that to be the take away haha. Maybe I'm just too edgy in my storytelling.
Edgy? Nah. Used to dads being ignored at best? That’s closer to the truth. I get it, hombre. North America ain’t much better I’m afraid.
Keep pushing for your rights as a parent!