Source
r/OCPoetry•
TheDrowsyJamie

Begin

Poem

BEGIN

I found you

I found you when not looking

I found you so beautiful

So beautiful alone

I saw you

I saw you smile in my gaze

I saw you so full

So full of a life unlived

I watched you

I watched you embrace it

I watched you become dark

So comfy without the light

And I'd do it again

I'd brave the cold

Just for your hand to hold

It's instinct, not my being bold

To be next to you

I'd give anything for

Every chance to see your face

And if you knew this too

Maybe you'd see less of it

Or maybe more of it

Depending on where your love fell

And how much my heart could fit

In a striking display of light

You'd stand out

But not because you're a new sun

But because you're the moon that clears my sight

In the quiet pale scene

The dark escapes away to you

Away from others

And away from me

I wish you could see it too

That the beauty is you as you is you

And not the figment you hold

That I'll protect everything you are

Because in the end, I'd rather be in the dark

I found you when I wasn't ready

When I was scared and alone

But you made it look pretty

Even if it's the loser in me

That saw the beauty you didn't know was seen

Perfect, as you are

Nothing, could I do

Love, you, and finally you

[1]https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wh6o6e/idol/ij5luvf?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

[2]https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wh14nc/i_wish_i_was_an_artist/ij5m1ci?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Aug 6, 2022, 6:12 AM UTC

1413
Quiet_muse351•

Wow! I personally love the thought behind the poem. I'm saving it to I can read it again. Thank you for this!

3
RedLillyArt•

I really enjoy this poem. The way the words flow feels very natural, and it reads almost as though it's someone caught breathless from love at first sight, and/or lamenting heartbreak in broken sobs. I look forward to seeing more of your writing sometime!

3
TheDrowsyJamieOP•

Thank you very much. I kook forward to having a reason to write more.

2
corder98•

The flow of this poem is wonderful almost as if it could be sung, the imagery is vivid and beautiful I particularly like the lines:

'You'd stand out

But not because you're a new sun

But because you're the moon that clears my sights'

​

The raw passion and emotion exuded from every line is palpable and relatable, excellent.

3
TheDrowsyJamieOP•

Absolute selfless love of something else brings out this raw emotion I tried to show that you picked up on. I'm grateful for that lol. Means I did my part with the pen and pad. I'm glad you enjoyed.

3
praveen91299•

Without doubt, I loved the poem! I could very much relate to it and made me quite nostalgic. The flow of the phrasing of the poem is nice, I liked reading it and found it easy to do so. Few of the imagery you used were quite beautiful. Some of the sentences are beautiful, my favourite is 'that the beauty is you as you is you'.

My only critique is the ideas expressed in the poem felt a bit repetitive, and out of order, i.e., the ideas could have had a better and coherent flow.
Wish you the very best!

2
TheDrowsyJamieOP•

Product coherence/repitition is my one flaw in writing as I write quickly and as the thoughts come to me. I actually am working on this right now. In fact I shall post a writing I made that has coherent flow but a very symbolistic style. Perhaps you might like it

3
praveen91299•

Thank you! I took a look at the other one, will add my comments about it in that post.

2
Material_Zombie_1048•

Wow! Pure thought and beautiful. I am saving this so I can have it, since my memory is gone, but not my heart. It reminds me of a pocket card that my love gave to me long ago, it read, " In a thousand quiet ways I have loved you." I still have it. :) Thank you for this beautiful heart song.

2
TheDrowsyJamieOP•

If only our loved ones knew what we couldn't express in words. Love is often soundless. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

2
mac_vogt•

Great use of repetition. Love is repetitive, rhythmic, like a craving. It is a beautiful obsession found deep within youth, here a returning devotion so charged with simple passion. The poem is a crush. It is the quickening of the breath. It is the object so sacred in its ache, which secretes sweetness in secret now revealed, reveled in, offered, totaled onto itself to reach heart's infinity in the other, you, the subject, the hypothetical completion.

2
TheDrowsyJamieOP•

Simply put, love is grief for another's affection. I love this comment. Very articulated. It's nice when symbolistic writings are dissected perfectly.

1
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