poem for a dead man that still breathes

very affective. leaves you feeling a bit depressed but i guess that's the point!

and i guess that means it's working.

makes me sad and resonates because of my dear aunt who just died

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It describes missing someone who won't return perfectly. Doesn't have to be a lover. It can just be a dead loved one. It sums up the feeling of self-hatred as you think of things you could've done differently and it makes you reflect on a lot of things. It's a good piece, keep it up!

I really like the title of this poem, it’s so poetic and mysterious. I feel like without such a descriptive and captivating title, I would have a hard time decipher the body of the poem. It kind of reminds me of someone having a heart attack. I’ve read of people surviving a heart attack and later recalling how the saw or felt themselves hovering over their own body, confused and remembering their lives before.

I like the use of repetition and how it makes the speaker feel very human and like gasping or grasping for something, a feeling, quite out of reach.

This is really sad. It sounds like you lost someone and that broke you. I can relate, I've lost so many. Well done.

You definitely convey the emotion very clearly! I’d love to see a small turn in the middle to help draw the reader in a bit more. The perfect place would be right after the breath line. Take a moment there that’s an aside from the sorrow. Even when we’re feeling intensely, we have those flashes of memory or absurd thought or a hint of a distraction that gives a “breath” and a beat before we return to our sorrow. Something like “a summer ago / I was on a roadside / stranded / black eyed susans / and the hum / of some insect / were everywhere” then you move onto wishing you could watch them leave …those sorts of quick turns accentuate the emotional sandwich. My example may be terrible. Sorry.

Always a fan of the more concise pieces, especially those that follow some sort of specifically structural theme. Also, when you choose to rhyme, as shown here, can be a powerful tool when most don't. The contrast, although typical, is appreciated and works well with the rest.