Source
r/OCPoetry•
UrEntitled2MyOpinion

Love Poem

Poem

(My last post was a love sonnet, and it received such overwhelmingly great feedback and criticisms on it; so in the same thematic vein, here’s one in free verse. This one had a prompt: it must include the words bet, fire, rocks, shake, you lose. Give it a go and let me know what you come up with!)

Love Poem

We would wait until the fire dipped
To a few smoldering embers, still burning
Red-hot between the rocks and wood.

The bet was to see who could shake one
In their hands the longest—
Drop yours first and you lose.

The secret, we found, was in the hands, not
Too close or too loose, but trembling
With enough force for that fierce little ember to burn

The same ember that I have carried with me
In my hands all these years, afraid
That I might be the one who lets go first.

.

.

The imagery in this poem is absolutely stunning. Go check it out.

Pay attention to this guy, ya’ll. With this poem we might just have found Emily Dickinson’s successor. And he’s just getting started!

Posted Aug 19, 2022, 4:58 AM UTC

56
Stardaic_2008•

Omg this is beautiful! It could be a song…really dig your interpretation of love as a dying fire

3
hannathebaker•

I like this one too. I would love to see you experiment with more forms and styles.

About this poem. I think it speaks less of love’s destructive capacity and more of the hard but sensitive work of ‘keeping the flame burning.’ It’s a strange but interesting twist on this metaphor. I think it is interesting too, this sense of the fear of being the one who falls out of love first. In some ways this is sadder, more scary maybe, than being the one who is left behind. It reminds me of the song The Only Heartbreaker by Mitski.

In style I will say this poem reminds me more of American post-modern writers. It’s a simple allegory expressed with few words, and abstraction of human experience.

I’ll look forward to seeing what you do next.

2
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1
alonela•

Love. It’s a real sonofabitch. Good work!

1
archest_archer•

I think you've managed to fit a certain beauty into this relatively short piece which is great.

Upon first impression it makes me think of a warm, young love- playing games around a campfire. But by the end that sense of comfort and warmth is lost- the embers are an old memory. One that was hot and sweet and exciting, but no longer burns.

I love the bit about the hands, and picturing the couple's physical embraces as an extension of their emotional 'fire'.

1
Dismal-Ad3897•

This gave me goose bumps. The imagery was so good and I really liked your view on love and how we experience the fear of losing it.

1