I'll sit down later and rework some of it. I'll be sure to send it to you. Thanks for the thourough critic.

Hey Op!  Your piece caught my attention, here are some of my thoughts.

In your first two lines, I want a bit more.  "Summer on your lips, and all I can think of is snow"  - my cadence in this line actually feels like it could be two.  I kind of think you could drag this out and have "All I can think of is snow." as a single line, definitive and emphasized. Give us something else summery beforehand. 

>"The bright mist of another sunset,  
Summer on your lips, (insert additional imagery)  
>  
>  
>  
>*All I can think of is snow.* (Boom goes the dynamite ;)

I like the following line:

>The trees shed their color,  


But I don't really get this one:

>Like fields after decades of rainfall

Maybe this is referring to fields that have lost their sustenance due to heavy rains? 

The next lines have me questioning if this \*is\* a dream, or a memory, or a bit of both, but it doesn't feel like the present, or the present is Deja-Vu like I suppose. Definitely lots of dreamlike imagery.



I think that the pacing in this poem was really nice, it had a very flowing feel which worked well with the natural imagery. All of it felt very dream-like, which reflects the persona's state of mind in an unstable relationship.

i really loved the pacing of this poem and how evocative those last few lines are

This poem really resonated with me and one of my relationships. It fit perfectly. Love your poem.


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The bright mist of another sunset,

Summer on your lips, and all I can think of is snow

&amp;#x200B;

The trees shed their color,

Like fields after decades of rainfall

&amp;#x200B;

Your face like a distant facade,

I think I could paint it with just a dream

&amp;#x200B;

There’s a flower in your hand,

Iris shimmering under your brow

&amp;#x200B;

Put another thorn through my heart,

I think I’m getting used to it now

&amp;#x200B;

Long and narrow, the stretch of time

Between you and me

&amp;#x200B;

I cannot stay long,

I always end up where I’m not supposed to be

&amp;#x200B;

You turn with the leaves,

Depart with a sigh

&amp;#x200B;

And I’m left lonely, disappointed,

Because that’s no way to say goodbye

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wukoo2/comment/ilb02g5/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wukoo2/comment/ilb02g5/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

&amp;#x200B;

and 

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wu60o5/comment/ilaxlyc/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wu60o5/comment/ilaxlyc/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Liminal sea