Hello Moon

I loved this poem. Very powerful. I love your language, in the beginning very sensual and playful it made me want to stand up. And all of that makes the switch that much more powerful. I felt my heart sink. Wonderful language and structure. And works beautifully read or spoken. Well done!

This was so intriguing. Definitely a pice I would read again

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This is beautiful, it painted a beautiful evening scene with crickets chirping under a full moon. I felt like I was there.

I definitely felt the hopelessness. I've been there before. This is beautiful.

All the speaker wanted was for the moon to care. The moon just watches the cruel things happen to us.

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An observer. A lurker.

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10/10

This is nice, It has some really cool concepts but what I think may benefit you is more structure and varied punctuation.

This just tore my heart out. Amazing. Beautiful. I feel it so deep. It took my breath. I am so sorry. I wish there was something more I could do. I wish it was different. I wish the moon could help. Anything could help your mother. You. It’s all I can give and it’s worth nothing. I am sorry.

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Thank you all for the wonderful comments, it really makes me feel happy to start writing again. Especially since I didn’t put any thought into this poem and just wrote it on the spot. I appreciate the feedback as well!

I loved the way your metaphors almost forced my brain to paint a picture from the words. My only gripe is how “Choked on cancer” forcefully pulled me out of it. Like your alarm going off in the best part of your dream. I just feel like you could’ve continued to use your metaphors to paint a picture of a child begging the moon to comfort them or praying to the moon that they see their mom again instead all I visualize is someone’s mom dying in a hospital and I’ve forgotten about the moon and its blanket of black.

Hello toy