[4582] "The Spout"

Hi everyone (especially tagging u/dave_mm0 and u/cardinals5 whose input was so valuable). After a first draft posted here, here is a revision of "The Spout":

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oPkt2ig8fAIu7RXNAHlnRAfdWzPwoFBUaY3B3doo2e4/edit

If you want to know the changes between drafts one and two:

!I mainly worked on re-working the "meet cute" with Melina, and getting her dialogue not to sound so Disney-ish. Ideally, the reader shouldn't suspect her of anything. I needed her to enter the story with more stealth to avoid tipping off the reader that she's in on it with the other realtors, so I ditched the whole "stuck in the mud" idea in favor of her starting off on Brock's side.!<

!There were a lot of complaints about the early parts sounding like memoir and then a style shift happening somewhere in the middle, so I re-worked the early portions to avoid all summary and only drop in those background details when they seemed relevant.!<

!I mostly left the ending as-is, though with some trimming. I understand there were some complaints that it takes a while to unfold, but my theory is that figuring out who Melina is too early is undercutting the tension of this scene. I'd prefer to execute this twist properly and have the reader wondering where she is, too, until the very end, when they have to piece it all together.!<

Since this is a longer story I once again strove to make sure I had a surplus of word count with high-level critiques:

3167 - In Love With Your Death https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wpiqzh/3167_in_love_with_your_death_part_1/ikiqva8/

2978 - Vainglory - Ch. 1 https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wqdqv5/2978_vainglory_ch_1/ikncm5r/

1997 - The Northern Auk, part 1 of 3 https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wr0kkz/1997_the_northern_auk_part_1_of_3/iks7n36/

Thank you in advance.