[2250] Death and Space Taxes - Chapter ONE

Hi all,

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I previously posted both chapter one and two of this story but it was too long, which is fair enough. So here's the first chapter of my story. I'm looking for any kind of feedback at all. What you liked, didn't like, where you stopped reading, what could be improved, impressions of the characters or where the story might be going etc etc.

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Death and Space Taxes - Chapter One

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My critiques are here:

Outlaw [3927]

Debt [2598]

Checkpoint [1589]