I love reading workshop poems, they're often so much more complex and rich than most posted poems. This poem is definitely one of them. Some beautiful lines here:

&#x200B;

>No crickets to strum

>kiss-me-nots
>forget-me-nots

Was a favourite lines of mine. I do feel however there is a tad too much exposition. The rooms to become line is a bit wasted on me, I feel you need to tie this line up or ditch it. Also "what the mind wonders toward" should, I believe "towards" as a change grammatically. If you were to hone the important lines and leave the reader a bit more in the light than the dark would be good. I feel this is a atmospheric piece and left to be vague, but I also feel it would benefit from some some concrete (verb noun scene) to pin it together.

I like the ending but as a reader I get a bit confused how it links all together. Also find the unbeknown where to be, a bit fluffy.

I can feel the heartfelt emotion coming from it but perhaps needs less vagueness for the reader to


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Come look,  
for a pause.  

Between breaths,  
winds whimper voice  
formers haunt.  

Know the loss in shadows.  

Powerful a force,  
pacing madness  
rooms to become.  

What the mind wonders toward. 

Seconds there,  
stand still time  
collections of  
kiss-me-nots  
forget-me-nots  
the eating away.  

Unbeknown where to be.
  
No crickets to strum  
tunes of sad. 
  
Splits of the extreme.

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x2m9iw/the_day_he_listened/imkof8d/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x2614c/i_want/imkosr1/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)

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