>I have not read part 1 of this story so I my feedback may be off-base. I'll let you decide that for yourself.

It's the third of a three-story arc as well, each having 6 or 7 parts. Not making excuses tho, I was hoping even a new reader could get into it.

>I google image searched "scaffolding" and none of it looked like a cocoon. There are too many right angles.

I was picturing something like [this](https://i2.wp.com/contractorsaccess.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/IMG_2237-e1547500891425.jpg?fit=2448%2C3264&ssl=1) only a lot smaller, obviously.

>dangerously close to exposition through dialogue.

But I love exposition through dialogue. Where would my writing be without it? 

>Everyone was in basically agreement that this doomsday device was for the best. Even when we see its negative consequences...

Because it's the third story in the sequence you couldn't be expected to know this, but the weirdness in Newport has nothing to do with Larry's energy collector. Still, I may have to e

Overall, I didn't really like this story very much. I thought it was technically sound and certainly had some interesting ideas, but its main plotline and characters fell flat. Of course, I have not read part 1 of this story so I my feedback may be off-base. I'll let you decide that for yourself.

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**PROSE**
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The prose in general was good. There weren't too many recurring issues. Most my complaints about this story is in its design and not in its technicals. Still, some honorable mentions:

**Adverbs / Adjectives**

A few instances where they seemed unnecessary or simply a replacement for better description.

> The walls of the structure sagged alarmingly

Sagged how? Caving in? Tilting out? About to fold? All these things are alarming and we can invoke alarm by describing them instead of just saying that it "sagged alarmingly".

> The heat inside the garage remained at brutal levels

Brutal = high, so why not just describe as high?

*The garage walls were two inches of solid con

Thanks as always for reading and giving me your thoughts, OT.

>Maybe it's a little obvious Larry would pull a stunt like that, but it works as a twist for me at least. Also very in-character for him. And Nick hearing this from Carla when he finally gets a chance to talk to her alone added to the impact.

Glad this worked for you. I was hoping that moment in the car would have some impact.

> on its own terms the scene came across more as Nick and Larry being regular roommates. (After writing this I saw your comment that you'd change this)

Yes I'm going to go over that part, I've already edited it somewhat. I do want to emphasize that Nick is now fully committed to Halloween, though. He's living in the house, he's participating in Larry's plans, etc. Having a scene where he is getting up, eating breakfast, and so on was to normalize this. Maybe it didn't work tho.

>Anyway, to zoom out a little: as I read it, this is a hugely important moment for the story. 

Yes, it definitely is, gl

Hey, good to see another part of the story! I'm not a huge fan of trying to go into detail on a short middle segment, so I'll give you a real crit when the whole thing is finished, but basically: I agree with a lot of Jraywang's comments here. Especially this:

>It seems like the point of this part was to build up to the moment where MC decides to betray Larry except much of the actual content has nothing to do with MC deciding to betray Larry. In fact, very little of this piece related to the pivotal moment of the plot and when MC actually did decide to betray Larry,

Like I said on the doc, I like this a lot in theory. Maybe it's a little obvious Larry would pull a stunt like that, but it works as a twist for me at least. Also very in-character for him. And Nick hearing this from Carla when he finally gets a chance to talk to her alone added to the impact.

Still, I can't help but agree there's so much mundane stuff and/or exposition leading up to this. There's plenty of potential in

Back with another piece of the final Halloween House story. In this segment, Nick learns that in Newport, even the grocery store isn't a safe haven from the horrors that infest the town...

Any and all feedback welcome.

Story segment: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ikxb1JqyX5FzSouM6qLhl-G0uJtgk_K-41_gAoRCJ2Q/edit?usp=sharing

Crit: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/x1sctq/1589_checkpoint/imkpjkn/ + 95 words from my 640 word surplus from [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wr0kkz/1997_the_northern_auk_part_1_of_3/ikv9hs1/) crit.

[1684] October Surprise, part 2