Here we have a poem bluntly titled 'Schizophrenia', that uses creative formatting to convey something akin to multiple personality or dissociative identity disorder. Each stanza follows a pattern of contradicting statements, suggesting competing 'voices' inside somebody with a disorder. There are also two lines of seemingly random punctuation - perhaps another one of the 'voices' that doesn't fit with the rest. There is a consistent rhyme scheme, a loose rhythm, and a slight narrative beginning with a welcome and ending in a farewell.       
     
A lot of people on this subreddit like to write about mental illness; sometimes it's drawn from a place of personal experience, and other times it's from a source of external inspiration. I would bet that this is an example of the latter. It doesn't feel based in genuine experience, nor like an attempt to understand a fairly distressing disorder. Instead it seems like a slightly clichéd idea of psychosis serving as the basis of a fun creative

Thank you for posting.     



     Quickie Feedback    


It's good to experiment, to cut through personal rubrics for ourselves. 


The style, unfortunately here, is more important than the substance and cheapens the discussion of a serious mental disorder that has more facets than simply "speaking in different voices."     


The rhyming is elementary. The random symbol lines are unnecessary. The meta narrative of speaker/reader doesn't work and comes off tacky. It's a gimmicky poem that's, well, kind of offensive.    


Now, not everything is necessarily negative. This has a clear structure of six quatrains separated into an almost beginning/middle/end. So, there's a sense of craft on display at least in terms of concept of theme, which is well appreciated--even if the execution thereof is not all the way there.     


Consider deviating from the internal monologue as presented here and your previous poem. Use more devices outside of rhyme - imagery, alliteration, etc. Explore more

I don’t think you should write about schizophrenia is this way if you don’t experience it. You have talent but this was done in poor taste

Absolutely... zero. lol no formal education in literature. Just lots of reading, studying and a very strong interest in being unique, unexpected, crafty/plot twist-y and thought-provoking. I love a good intellectual challenge and I bring that to my writing as my own little signature. I love things being well-written, story wise. An example of something small that some might not notice on first read is the use of the word "*he*" on line 4, stanza 4 - referencing - "*he*" - the literally italicized, *dangerous* personality. Little things like that, I love doing 😊

Hmmm... interesting that you are aware at that level about the plot as well as the technical procedure. Have you formal education in literature?

I tried to take four very different personalities - compassionate, dangerous, petrified and scornful - and turn them into an internal conflict narrative while also talking to the reader. Like I said, I like to push the boundaries of poetry lol 
Thanks for the comment, my friend. Wishing you all the best!

Aaahahahahaha!!! Very, very good. You just killed me -and revived me, man.

It now remembers me a Nirvana song...

Schizophrenia is a distortion of the senses. Where halleucinations such as sight and sound attack. Tertiary cases cannot dispel them with medicine and therapy.

Multiple personality disorder is where the ego is fragmented into 2 or more distinct personalities. A very sad representation of the different personalities fighting for dominance. As that can happen. 

Like the other commenter said, it would be nice to understand the sources for your inspiration.

I really enjoyed this piece. No one understands their battles within and then outside with the family. Strikes close to home as my mother had paranoid schizophrenia. After many years of searching for the right medicine, Prolixin was the saving grace.

Wonderful, the idea of using two different narrators in a single poem is one I've toyed with but never knew quite how to best utilize, but you did in such a wonderful way, excelent piece!

Provocative, uncomfortable, and a great piece. I love the different types of fonts and stylization you use, the switch of mood makes it feel like a schizophrenic is writing it during an episode. the rhyme scheme, the unorthodox way you weave it together, the constant switch. Great work.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I hope you all enjoy this piece! I love expanding the creative boundaries of poetry. With this piece, I wanted to use different fonts: compassionate, *dangerous*, **petrified** and ~~scornful~~ as communication between one another and have a story within a story - each font representing the different parts of this subjects mind. The random symbols represent the switch/break in the subjects mind when one of the other personalities/fonts comes to the forefront. Any constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thank you so much 😊

At first, I thought that this was a message about living with schizophrenia but maybe it is not meant to be taken literally.

Maybe the voices in one's head are so vivid that it feels like the person is carrying another being, or a ghost, or something.

And this back and forth between what to think and what to do is meant to be a literal representation of the daily struggle.

Maybe this is anxiety, depression, or something else that makes this person feel like he/she is going crazy

Reading this was stressful! Very well done 🙂

that was a roller coaster. but i, as a reader, get to get off that roller coaster once the poem is over. the person with schizophrenia has to stay on it everyday. i have bipolar disorder so i do resonate with that but it’s also totally different. mental illness awareness is so important and i’m glad to see it here. poetry has no bounds and i’m glad you took advantage of that- the different fonts are very helpful in showcasing the emotions this person experiences. clap clap clap

Thank you so much 😊 I'm glad you were able to pick up on the little bit of creativity from literally using reddit as a way to format tones. I appreciate you!

This poem is a work of art! You used the tools you had at your disposal to make a unique and poignant poem, expressive in its message. The title is simple, as it should be. It tells us all we need to know about the poem, and the style it will be written in. Your use of repetition, the wonderful way the syllables rhyme and come together, and the rhythm of the poem only make it better. I love the unique was you used to keyboard to convey emotions in a very raw and true way.

I'm so happy you're reading this.


*I said get the fuck off this site*


Come, join me for supper.


*LEAVE. Or I'll kill you tonight.*

.

I promise, we'll be best friends.


*Really? Don't listen to that liar.*


We can do everything together.


*When I make your funeral pyre*

.

*#&amp;$^@^!*@(#*#&amp;#;@^!*@&amp;#^

.

**Why are you here? You're scary**


~~No, you look frail and weak~~


**Look away. I don't like this**


~~Go crawl in a corner, freak~~

.

**Stop reading. I can't take it**


~~Why don't you do what he said~~


**Get out of here. Get out of here**


~~Before *he* makes you dead.~~

.

(@*#&amp;$^#^@&amp;!*!(!(!#&amp;$×[&lt;#,

.

You can always trust me.


*So I can take your soul*


**I'm begging - quit fighting!**


~~Read faster and scroll!~~

.

Till next time, dear friend.


*your bones will all crack*


**just let me go in peace**


~~please...don't come back~~

.

I hope you all enjoy this piece! I love expanding the creative boundaries of poetry. With this piece, I wanted to use different fonts: compassionate, *dangerous*, **petrified** and ~~scornful~~ as communication between one another and have a story within a story - each font representing the different parts of this subjects mind. The random symbols represent the switch/break in the subjects mind when one of the other personalities/fonts comes to the forefront. Any constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thank you so much 😊

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xo4umc/before_it_all/ipxqwup?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xo69zh/new_poet_jitters/ipxq4hp?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3)