Sure, that makes sense. I appreciate you sharing your insight. Nah, it's not metaphorical. I used to do acrostic poems for people, and this is one of them. But sometimes it's hard to write something that's properly continuous when you don't have a choice in what letter the next line is going to start with.

Hmmm, I think I understand what the story's saying (unless it's a metaphor... Then I'd have no clue).  It honestly comes more across like a story being hinted, to me.  But it also doesn't sound jumbled.  I honestly think this poem is pretty great, poetic and slightly vague but also with a story to tell.  Does that make sense?

Thank you very much for your feedback. If I may ask, is it clear what is going on in the poem? Does it come across like a story is being hinted at or told? Or does it read more like a bunch of stuff kind of jumbled together?

Wow, this is really good!  Thank you for writing this. To me, the tone of the poem seems somber and expectant, and that leaves me almost holding my breath.  You're able to put so much emotion in a fairly short poem, and I admire that.  My favorite part is the part where you called people cores of ghost trapped in flesh.  That feels very poetic yet original.  Also, the last line is pretty impactful.  Good job, OP!


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I really appreciate the feedback! The archaic language was just what I thought would fit with the mood of the poem overall, given the subject matter.

You might be disappointed to know that the poem is fairly literal. It is about Death as one of the four horsemen, and how he upsets the balance of the universe by keeping a small slice of every life he takes and giving it to his horse, who isn't supposed to be immortal, and is ready to die, yet dutifully continues to serve a master who loves her.

"Hail!" is just what the narrator yells to get Death's attention. The poem is an acrostic, so that was a small linguistic constraint. Now, whom the narrator is—that's up for interpretation, whether it be some greater universal power or one of Death's fellow horsemen.

For me, the poem is addressed to something unclear. Is it just "Death" riding a horse, or is it something more specific, like "Satan", or a villain from literature perhaps, or a new thing in the mind of the writer? I think this needs to be clear above all else. Because the poem is about the horse of that entity, and its suffering, and that is what is new that the poem brings. If it is bringing a vague new thing - but is not about that vague new thing, but it's horse, that is somehow very unsatisfactory.  It's like "Stalin's favorite dog" might be more satisfying a subject (or title) than "the evil dictator's favorite dog".  Also, "Hail!" seems odd, cheerful almost. And definitely archaic, as is much of the other language of the poem, which for a poem, is a cliche.

Hail! You harvester of souls (those cores of ghosts trapped in flesh),  
O'er farm and field, that war-weary horse that carries you  
Lives each moment haunted by the distance of her welcome death,  
Loving the impossible dream that one day you'll be through.  
Yet on she rides: a noble, four-legged mistress of loyalty,  
Hollow in spirit, but driven to serve the master she adores—  
Entrenched in stolen vigor paid to her as her royalty,  
While the heavy hand that holds her tired heart is yours.  
Loneliness is the price you pay to take soul after wretched soul,  
Even as a portion of that cost, for her, you selfishly keep.  
The task you bear, on your companion, has long taken its toll.  
Taxes, Reaper, must be paid! All living things must sleep.  ​

[Feedback 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xn975u/comment/ipsvc4u/) | [Feedback 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xncwkf/comment/iqadgqh/)

The Horse Who Lived