This poem does an excellent job of describing what it feels like to be thrust into being unknown. I'm reminded of the song [Rain from Cowboy Bebop](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vcrb6365GsQ) . I do like how the poem divides into three lines, one for abandonment, one for the consequences, and one for hope and the choices that come with Him.

Made me tear up :). I love the flow of your poem, it's good and it's easy to read. It's very short but still mighty emotional so you really did capture the essence of the emotion you were trying to convey. For me personally I got brought back to nights in dark rooms, I took it quite literally but I also think you were intending to do this. 'His mind survives' is a strong one. I absolutely adore the fact that you ended with hope, just like other commenter said. So, to recap, it's quite short (I like a longer read when I get in my emotions) but intense. Brava!

For any number of attempts at writing this is a beautiful piece. I love the parallels you draw between the room which is a place of seclusion and the door which is a place of opportunity. It’s very melancholy from beginning to end but the hope at the end really makes the poem more vibrant to me.
*sorry for the multiple comments Reddit decided to glitch

I’m so humbled by the comments… I wrote this soon after I was able to identify and personify my own childhood abandonment issues. I love poetry and going back to school for philosophy has brought a new perspective on poetry as a means to explain what we do not have words to explain

Thank you for telling me! I will check them out!

Thank you I have been bitten by the poet bug! Three more works are done if you wanna check them out

Thank you so much for such a considerate constructive review! I originally meant the lines to be stacked but Reddit on my phone was just not having that when I went to post so this was the best I could do! Again I really like your advice and I will take them as tools going forward when editing my craft!

I really like this, shorter poems get to be very powerful when you choose the right images, which I think you did beautifully using the room and the door.
Thinking about the form there are two things that I noticed:
Personally, I think the commas and capital letter in the middle of a line are prejudicial to my comprehension of the rythm. My second reading made more sense when I faced each of the sentences as verses, and each line as a stanza.
The second thing is how you used the last line to break the rhyme suggested by the first two, detaching the door from the room, which is awesome. I think there is a oportunity to do it another way, keeping the rhyme while breaking the two images apart. You can invert the order of light, love and hopes to hopes, love and light. This will keep the rhyme and bring the final focus to the first image you associated with the room.
Again, I loved you poem. Can't wait to read more from you!


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Abandonment

In a room,
Light can’t shine,
Love can’t live,
Hopes must die.

A boy sits,
He can’t hear,
He can’t see,
His mind survives.

At a door,
Light can shine,
Love can enter,
Hopes can choose.



1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xqopdt/some_may_relate_to_this_some_wont/iqajyn3/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

2

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xqhtq6/im_glad_im_not_a_bug/iqakbb4/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

My first poem