Crossroads

I think your story content in this piece is good. There are bones here that could turn into a great write. It needs editing down. The frequent occurrence of fear, near, here, clear -takes me out of your great story. I start to think about the writer and them trying to rhyme. It’s like this piece owned you and not the other way around. Make each word and line count. If they don’t, cut them. I look forward to your continued work. I think you could be on to something.

Hello! I hope you're well -

Two thoughts:

1. You've mentioned in another comment that you feel as though you sometimes allow formal considerations to determine the direction of your writing too much.

As a new writer, it's only natural that your initial efforts will be somewhat clumsy or awkward - especially any efforts to produce formal verse (i.e., with meter and rhyme). Most of the poetry you produce in the beginning will contain forced rhymes, jarring contractions, or awkward syntax - but you should insist, if you want to improve at writing formal poetry, on adhering to the strictures of rhyme and meter. Don't be discouraged, keep practicing, and in isolation, you will begin to produce eloquent lines and verses. You'll learn what works, and doesn't work; expand your vocabulary; develop a strong, natural sense of rhythm; etc.

2. It is relatively difficult to write monorhymed poetry in English (which is not at all to say it's impossible). Here, as someone else observed, you've repeated several rhymes, in a relatively short poem.

Maybe, if you like monorhyme, to give yourself some more flexibility, you could experiment with a rhyme scheme based on that the ghazal, or the qasīdah - the most ancient form of Arabic verse, a form employing monorhyme, from which most other forms of "Oriental" (e.g., Arabic, Persian, Turkish, Urdu, etc.) poetry are theoretically derived (to include the ghazal).

In a qasīdah/ghazal, each verse consists of two hemistiches (half-verses/lines). The rhyme is repeated in the second/final hemistich of each verse, and both hemistiches of the first verse - [AA | BA | CA | DA... etc.].

Qasā'id are lengthy poems - in shorter "fragmentary" qit'ah poems (i.e., a qit'ah is conceptually a fragment of a qasīdah), the hemistiches of the initial verse do not need to rhyme - [AB | CB | DB | EB... etc.].

Writing in this format and with this rhyme scheme would basically double the amount of room you have to work with, so to speak, between rhymes, allowing you to "build" to them more naturally. It should also reduce the number of repeated rhymes in your poems.

I hope my thoughts were helpful! All the best!

Hey I really liked this, the rhyming all ending the same way as well, quite an interesting image it paints you as well, nothings ever direct, your using language to paint a picture that anyone can interpret, which I think is really really cool

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i literally got chills. well done