Thanks for the constructive criticism! I do agree that ambiguity surrounds my poems and whilst I like to play with that, more often than not it comes across as confusing or the delivery fails to land for the reader.

The over-description & contradiction of the eye colours were intended to be quite playful and experimental; colours are subjective and my attempt was to capture the vibrancy of the eyes whilst hawking back to the same brownish colour the poem alludes to. But a hint of an explanation would go a long way & so I will look to implement it.

I also like “dawn-kissed”; I was going for the imagery of light & it’s interaction with the sun so “dawn” is a nice, subtle replacement.

Nice short poem, with a duality to beauty and intoxication. I feel that there's over-description on the eyes as well as a contradiction in colours. If there's various colours in the eyes I think you need to explain that briefly and would enhance the poem. I know there can be subtleties in a poem but I wouldn't leave this out of the premise otherwise it gets confusing to the reader. Perhaps explain this premise something like:

>She looked at me deeply, with those
>
>Dawn-coloured eyes,
>
>Separate flecks of light-kissed soil.
>
>And painted mahogany,
>
>Basked in an almond sea.
>
>Drunken, liquor-drenched eyes
>
>That intoxicate me —
>
>Yet still I stare.

I also think light-kissed is a bit odd too. I can see it connects to the dawn-colour but its a bit uneconomic. I would go for dawn-kissed soil and rearrange the poem somehow. The fulcrum of the poem is the imagery of the eyes and once you get that resolved it will be great :)


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Thanks for the kind words! Hope you are having an amazing Friday.

I could feel the emotion- one ive experienced too many times. Very well written with strong emotion,, 
I hope all is well

That responsibility tho, anyway nice i do not quite see the full picture but to see its textures and to feel the dread of a child support coming if this piece escalated you did good.

She looked at me deeply, with those &amp;#10;


Dawn-coloured eyes, &amp;#10;


Buried in rich, light-kissed soil. &amp;#10;


Eyes painted with mahogany, &amp;#10;


Basked in an almond sea. &amp;#10;


Drunken, liquor-drenched eyes &amp;#10;


That intoxicate me — &amp;#10;


Yet still I stare. &amp;#10;






&amp;#10;

[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xrd34w/angel_eyes/iqh5uby/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xrgsxx/overdose/iqh5eln/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

Liquor-Drenched Eyes