*Katyonok*

Mama, 

you stared

at those tiny bodies--

frail, soul-less, 

umbilical cords floating,

lifeless paws bobbing. 

You stared into the bottom 

of that rusty bucket,

past your own belly--

within which 

I wriggled,

and sobbed. 

 

Mamochka,

I don't know

how I ever expected

you and I to not 

be broken together.

Your katyonok was forged

from damaged parts--

things that were never 

meant to come together. 

My sowing

was alchemy. 

I was created in the bottom 

of that putrid bucket.

 

We were never meant 

for sweeter things. 

What's born in shit

belongs in shit.

It lives in shit forever.

And I was never 

going to curl up 

upon a lap,

purr peacefully,

and make some bisquits. 

I've died a hundred times

within the alleys 

of my past,

behind a dumpster

after a swift kick

to the ass. 

 

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