Wow, I really feel the longing yet also resentment and bitterness in this poem, great job

I love how this sounds when you speak it. Each line flows into one another in a beautiful little melody. 

I can feel the conflicting emotions of loving a person who hurt you deeply that this poem portrays..to me at least. 

I really love this. Great work💕

Able use of simile but painfully inept in terms of sound and rhythm, even basic grammar... 

>Felt like continue seeing the most beautiful dream.

This is just egregious... a poem isn't that long, my man. There's little excuse for errors like that.

Also, the last line reads as a kind of non-sequitur. Sitting beside the sea? Was that just shoehorned for the sake of rhyme?

Also, the last stanza doesn't really make sense, and it involves a cliche... locking something up and throwing away the key is a cliche. Again, a poem is so short that there's seldom time to barf up shit other people have said.

But I say it doesn't make sense because you lock things up and throw away the key for things you wish to sort of condemn to nullity. If you love something, you don't lock it up forever... unless, like, the box is your heart, or something. But if that's what you're implying, you have to do a little more work, cause otherwise there's no evidence for it.

Really liked the concept here--of words being related to sights, smells, tastes, and sounds--and being reflected in nature. Lots of Romanticism here. Well done.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Haha. 


I tried to compare her words with all the beautiful little things in the world. Like founding money out of nowhere in an old drawer, in a pocket.

Felt like founding money in old drawers.

Planning to print money?

Who's drawers btw?

Holy shit dude the last verse. Damn.........


Thank you so much. Did you like the poem btw?

I'm gonna tag you from now on cause I needed this. Rhyming is important to me and I wanted this

Needs more parallelism

Your words felt like a window seat,

Felt like a special meal mom made for me to eat.

​

Your words felt like the smell of the air just after a good rain,

felt like the smell of the air about to rain.

​

Your words felt like a sky full of stars,

Felt like finding money in old drawers.

​

Your words felt like having a waffle cone full of sugar and cream,

Felt like continue the most beautiful dream.

​

Your words felt like a long drive in the night,

Windows down,

Felt like visiting a new place,

Or a completely new town.

​

I have locked your words in a box,

And I've thrown away the key,

Hoping to hear from you again,

That you will bring your words back to me.

 Your words felt like a window seat, 

Felt like a special meal mom made, 

That I'm just about to eat.  

&amp;#x200B;

Your words felt like the smell of the air just after a good rain, 

Also felt like the smell of the air, 

When it's about to rain. 

&amp;#x200B;

Your words felt like watching a sky full of stars, 

Felt like founding money in old drawers.  

&amp;#x200B;

Your words felt like having a waffle full of sugar and cream, 

Felt like continue seeing the most beautiful dream.  

&amp;#x200B;

Your words felt like a long drive in the middle of the night, 

Windows down, 

Felt like visiting a completely new place, 

Or a completely new town. 

&amp;#x200B;

 I have locked your words in a box, 

And I threw away the key, 

Hoping to hear from you again, 

While sitting beside the sea. 

 

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yjc8s7/can\_i\_get\_some\_critique\_and\_help\_with\_a\_poem/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yjc8s7/can_i_get_some_critique_and_help_with_a_poem/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yjdler/falling\_in\_love/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yjdler/falling_in_love/)

Your Words