[2132] Religious Murder Mystery

I'm starting a murder mystery novel centered around the corruption of religion but ultimately about the positivity of human-kind and the choices we make. It's not going to be a religious slam piece like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo but it's definitely similar in tone. I hope to provide some more emotional and character-driven aspects as compared to mostly plot-driven mysteries. Think first season of True Detective but less pagan/witchey.

I'd like to avoid giving much away about the plot I have in mind but if you feel you need greater context I'll use spoilers and give some.

Here's my piece.

Anyway, I have a few specific questions that you can either answer or ignore completely. I'm open to big-picture critiques, line edits, just insulting me directly, etc.

• Is the opening scene appropriately happy/misleading?
• How real do the characters feel? Are they too cliche??
• Is the dialogue tolerable?
• How does first-person feel? Would you be comfortable reading more from that perspective?
• Chapter 3 will include the two detectives on a car ride back to the station talking about the case and opening up about details of their life in order to better connect them to the future plot. Without knowing more, would this feel too slow to you? Does another scene that would naturally follow occur to you instead?

Critique 1 (~1500 words)

Critique 2 (~1000 words)