The rhyming works very well, it flows nicely with the rhymes coming from both the end of lines and the middle/start. I also think the mixed lengths of lines and stanzas work especially well, something about that really adds to the poem when read aloud


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But if you copy + paste, it doesn't do that. A lot of people don't type manually for their posts.

You can press shift+enter so as not to double space.

I think that's just a consequence of how Reddit formats line breaks. It double spaces for each time you press enter. Annoying, but better than submitting as a big ugly text block.

Οκ, so first thing, you don't need to put that much space between stanzas, the poem would look a lot more put together if you reduce the spaces.

I couldn't find the connection between the name of the poem and the actual stuff, I think the next to last sentence is the only connection, maybe think of changing the name.

If you want to stick with this name, add more concrete images, possibly tying the feeling of closeness and love and intimacy in the poem to the moon and the night. Add more precise adjectives, and adverbs.

The poem has a lot of potential, it just needs a bit more work.

I love the concept you have used here. I think some more imagery would be really beneficial to the piece. Whether that be more nture imagery woven in, or more decription in the physciality, "her lips meet mine", how did they feel, was it slowly and intimate, was it passionate and lustful, was it meaningful and romantic? This is a really great start and I hope to see more from you.

"I wonder  
If the dark sky  
Is worthy of the moon"

&#x200B;

This is a wonderful line, I like the symbolic (maybe unintentional) relation between the moon and the sky, were it was worthy for the stars and the sun but the sky doesn't see itself as worthy for the beauty of the moon.

I really like this, but something that makes me think is this stanza

>I wonder

>If the dark sky

>Is worthy of the moon

I had originally read it as if there were a comma after "I wonder", which I think changes the meaning of the last two stanzas somewhat. Just wondering if you'd thought about that.

 Hold on to her

Bring our hearts closer

I can hear it

Talk to me.

&amp;#x200B;

Embrace her

Caress her back

&amp;#x200B;

Wrap myself within her

Her lips meet mine

&amp;#x200B;

She tastes like the love 

I craved for so long.

&amp;#x200B;

I wonder

If the dark sky

Is worthy of the moon

&amp;#x200B;

I Whisper to myself,

“How did I 

become worthy

of you”

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

Feedbacks:-

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[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yyge4w/comment/iwu7v8o/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

The Moon's Light