Source
risinginloveeee•

this analogy you use creates a beautiful picture. although I love it's length I'm also interested to see how it can be elaborated

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks! I actually considered adding an additional stanza or two in this poem. But thought that it conveyed my point as is and that its brevity added to the impact. I agree that it would be interesting to expand on this metaphor though.

1
risinginloveeee•

oh I see! I do think it is lovely and does convey your message as is. I guess I just wanted to keep reading : ) well done

2
likely-lad•

I adore it.

The past is glitter
on our hands

Instantly, I think I know what you're trying to say - letting go of the past is like trying to get glitter off your hands. Straight away you set the tone and the topic and in only seven words.

I really like that you've given the words "spreading" and "clinging" their own lines - it makes me think of the past as some noxious weed that just won't let itself be eradicated and if left unchecked will take over your whole bloody garden.

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks so much! That's exactly what I was trying to convey, the way the past can stick around and dominate the present if you're not aware of its influence in your life.

1
FisherOfBitches•

I think you're right that brevity adds to the impact. This is perfect so perfect, elegantly constructed, a fantastic simile. And when you read it, you start filling in some blanks yourself - like glitter is near impossible to get off, and you're always finding some little bits on your English shoes you wore to a rave in 2004. So you're not just as an author presenting, you're starting a conversation the astute reader has in their own minds. So, yeah, super well done. In EXACTLY 20 words like you're some kinda wizard

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thank you for the kind comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed my poem and were able to experience it in light of your own experiences. I think that's part of the beauty of writing.

2
2giornot2gi•

I appreciate the form factor. It's a simple idea presented in a way that doesn't overindulge. I like the disjointedness of the short, uneven lines. It creates a fragmented, desperate feeling. Fine stuff.

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks for the kind comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem 😊

1
Cool_Relationship217•

Love this. Short, sweet, profound. Feels very Buddhist.

Have you considered adding a space between each letter to enhance the visual metaphor? Not sure how it would affect readability...

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks for commenting! I appreciate your perspective. I'm curious, what feels Buddhist about the poem to you and how do you think a space between each letter would enhance the metaphor?

1
Technical-Marsupial3•

I love this so much. Really hits home. Even being so short, the point comes across so well. I really love the comparison to glitter. There's a contrast between the normal happiness many people may associate with glitter and the darkness of living in the past that just works so well.

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks for commenting! I'm glad that the point and contrast really came across.

1
Fragrant_Prune_5797•

I love the brevity of this. The imagery with glitter is great. In just a few lines you are able to create a stark image with an evocative punch which I consider to be a mark of good poetry. Nice job!

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks! What a sweet comment 😊. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem

1
Corby_65•

i loved this. short and simple, but it says everything that needs to be said. beautiful.

2
WillowInSpringOP•

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem

2
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1