u/imsomeonelse
I'm 5w6d pregnant today from a 5AB euploid FET. My clinic does one beta (278 at 12dpt, so not great but not awful), then gives you a requisition for a 7 week ultrasound. I've had a MMC before (with Letrozole) so this wait is giving me bad anxiety, and I just want to hear success stories of things working out and going well once a transfer worked!
I lost my dad suddenly March 12th. He died unexpectedly after he went into cardiac arrest 3 days before his cancer surgery, 4 days before my 29th birthday, and 4 months after being diagnosed with cancer. It was all so sudden and doctors had assured us he'd be fine after the surgery.
I live in a different country from the rest of my family and I wasn't there when he died, but my mom saw him die. I've been dealing with a lot of guilt and pain and I just miss him so much. I wish I'd told him how much I love him and hugged him so many more times. One of the last conversations we had was him telling me how worried he was that he wasn't able to get me anything for my birthday because after the ch
I started DBT individual therapy a couple of weeks ago, and group skills therapy a week ago. I know it takes a long time and effort for it to be effective. And I knew this going into therapy, but today idk. I was thinking again it's not worth it, and I have no motivation for the future. I have no reason nor will or strength to go through therapy. I'm too tired to spend months in it, waging a war inside my own head every day. Plus, just thinking about group therapy makes me super anxious. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to take a break from everything, rest, sleep eternally.
Idk.
I suffer from BPD and lately I've been going through a really bad time.
My father had a rough childhood, his mother abandoned him and he was raised by his aunt and always felt like an outsider. I can only suppose that's the reason he has such a hard time expressing and understanding feelings.
Growing up, both my parents were very VERY strict, but my father believed in corporal punishment. He never laid a hand on my mom, but he'd hit me pretty much every time I was disobedient. When I was around 13, I started suffering from depression (which eventually evolved into BPD). He would yell at me whenever I cried and tell me my problems were meaningless compared to what he had to go through in
I feel like I'm a manipulative monster. I feel like all I do is make people worry about me or feel so bad they talk to me out of pity, and everyone else eventually leaves. I feel like I make my family and my friends suffer with my pain. I make them feel guilty when I start crying over something stupid they did with no intention to hurt me. It's hard to tolerate me, I see them exhausted sometimes. And I don't want to be that, I don't want to do that, but I don't know how to control it.
I just want to stop hurting people.
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