Source
r/virgin•
AnswerAccomplished40

I think I'm finally going to lose it! Any advice?

(We're both virgins btw) Idk if you guys remember but I made a post about a guy who I thought was being rude to me. It turns out the reason he didn't answer my texts was because his phone was dead. We talked on the phone almost all day and we talked about our dreams and goals. He really wants to be with me! He then told me that it would be his honor if he could be the one to break me in and make me not a virgin and I'll admit at first I was totally scared. Then he sang me a song from Disney and a few days ago he took me on a date. We talked about our family and took time to talk about what we liked about each other. He asked me to rate him on his looks and I gave him a 4/10 and he gave me 8/10. We shared some desert and even went down at the park near the resturant to watch the sunset. It was my first ever date so I was so nervous. he told me that I should start being more confident in myself and stand up to my father and honestly he's so perfect like omg. Anyway, we're going to do the nasty on Friday night! It's going to be his place and I'm going to tell my father that I'm at a friends house (my best friend already knows about this so don't worry). Anyway, anyone have any advice on how I should do this? Like should I shave? He said that he doesn't care about hair down their but what if he was just beiing nice? I'm sorry if this all doesn't make any sense but I'm just so scared that I'm going to mess this up. I've never done anything like this before and I always thought I was ugly. I never expected a guy to approach me and actually like me and want me.

Posted Mar 15, 2023, 4:16 AM UTC · edited

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9
AnswerAccomplished40OP•

Yes but he said sorry, bought me flowers, and took me on a date. We all make mistakes, I'm not going to fault him for being upset.

-9
existentialcrysiss22nb khhv•

i’m sorry but this is so pathetic. respect yourself, seriously.

you’re not even attracted to this guy and he called you a fat pig. you’re going to regret this so much oh my god.

10
Elon_is_the_goat•

Lmao whats even worse is that you gave him a 4/10 meaning you arent even that attracted to him. But hey as long as you feel this guy is stable go for it.

6
botanyfield•

Girl.. Have a little bit of self respect.

If he’s going to stoop to horrible insults because he’s a little bit upset, he might as well be standing in front of you waving a red flag right in front of your face.

Being rationally upset would involve stepping away. Taking some time out. Not calling a potential love interest a ‘fat pig’. Buying you flowers isn’t an apology. It’s an attempt to have you ignore the fact he’s got some issues going on.

I get being lonely and gravitating to whoever you can, truly I do. But anyone willing to start insulting the person they’re potentially courting? No. Respect yourself more.

4
ExpectGreater•

I've been blocked on reddit for less by both men and women. Irl truly is different from online because despite being called that, she's going to sex him up woot

3
Dangerous_Mammoth572•

Ok I gotta know what happened.. if my bf ever did that he’d be single

2
RopeorDope1•

Here's the full story https://www.reddit.com/r/virgin/comments/11key9e/a_guy_ive_been_texting_turned_on_me_19f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

It's way too many red flags, and I agree someone like that is not a good fit for a relationship, but OP is young and convinced that he's not as bad.

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7
chisholmdale•

Yeah - some folks don't notice the flags. They need to wait a while, until the wind changes velocity and comes from a different direction.

-1
ExpectGreater•

I honestly think he's pretending to be a virgin and has proven to be an asshole in the past.

But I mean, you fell for him, and all of us can see he's about to pump and dump you... but we've also all seen this cycle over the years on r/virgin

He's obviously good at getting girls and you're one of them.

I think also, you're suffering as a virgin, having read your posts .. so it might not be such a bad thing to sleep with him and get give yourself mental peace that now you've experienced it and are "normal" now.

6
chisholmdale•

it might not be such a bad thing to sleep with him and get give yourself mental peace that now you've experienced it

It seems to work that way for some people. For others, getting popped, pumped, and dumped actually increases their sense of worthlessness.

2
Throw_it_away13836M KV•

That’s kind of mean that you told him he’s a 4/10

5
RopeorDope1•

You've been on one date with this guy, and I recommend slowing down. You're rushing it, and it's not a good idea. There's no harm in getting to know him better, especially considering this is the guy that insulted you when things didn't go his way. If you want to give him a second chance, give it time.

At 19, there's a lot more to learn about the world, and i think there's too few signs to know for sure. He could easily be doing all of this so he can get in your pants and then leave.

4
chisholmdale•

You've been on one date with this guy, and I recommend slowing down. You're rushing it, and it's not a good idea. There's no harm in getting to know him better, . . . . He could easily be doing all of this so he can get in your pants and then leave.

Yup.

Even if this planned encounter is solely for the physical sensations of sex - essentially using each other's genitals as masturbation tools - with the knowledge that there will never be any personal attachment nor intimate connection, you'd be wise to spend at least several days (even a few weeks or months) becoming better acquainted with each other's bodies, turn-ons and turn-offs, orgasmic responses, etc.

The details mentioned by the OP ( u/AnswerAccomplished40 ) fit the pattern of a guy who's mostly interested in running up a score, winning a bet, etc. If those are NOT his motivations, he'll put in the time and effort to prepare the hearts and minds before concentrating on the bodies.

2
AnswerAccomplished40OP•

I know but I feel like this could be the one I be with. We're both virgins and the fact that he was so willing to do so much for me makes me so happy. I've never been this happy before!!!!

-1†
chisholmdale•

I've never been this happy before!!!!

How happy will you be if he cuts you off and blocks you before you even have your clothes back on? Give it a bit more time to make sure he is truly interested in you as a person.

4
Andrew9802•

You realise that he insulted you when things went wrong, then lovebombed you when he realised he still got a chance to undress you, right?

You do you, but expect that the only thing he'll ever want from you is sex, and hope its not gonna be like that.

3
Zastava_Strong•

He’s running game on you

2
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plutodarlingMOD•

Removed: Rule 1. Be kind.

0
plutodarlingMOD•

Removed: Rule 1. Be kind.

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[deleted]•

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plutodarlingMOD•

Removed: Rule 1. Be kind.

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[deleted]•

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plutodarlingMOD•

Removed: Rule 1. Be kind.

0
cornflakes453•

Don't be so obsessed with him. Do what you wish to do. Do you want to have sex with him, do it. But, don't think that he is the guy for you and he will be with you forever. People can change anytime( from my experience). I had a girl we were very close and suddenly she behaved to me like it never existed. Don't give too much expectations. Sometimes he may be like what you expect him to be, but never expect too much. Go for the date, go for the sex, good luck.

-1
Dangerous_Mammoth572•

Shave or not just do whatever you feel is best but most guys that is not not all prefers it shaved. Any other questions? 🫶🏽

-2
chisholmdale•

most guys that is not not all prefers it shaved.

I prefer it more-or-less natural.

-1
Dangerous_Mammoth572•

That’s awesome! Some guys prefer it full bush too. And it’s different for everyone but generally in my experience at least most guys prefer it trimmed or completely shaved

2
chisholmdale•

in my experience at least most guys prefer it trimmed or completely shaved

That's the currently stylish fad. A generation from now the style will likely be something else. Full bush? Sculpted topiary-style shapes? Dyed florescent colors? Nobody knows!

But the discussion about this rather trivial detail actually makes two significant points.

  • In sex, as in many other things, our culture dictates our desires whether those are our true preferences or not. By my early 20's I figured out that culture had conditioned me to believe I was "supposed to" be attracted to a certain type of woman, but that wasn't the "type" I was actually attracted to. I went along with the charade so I could fit-in with my peers, not seem weird, etc. It wasn't until my 30's that I could actually articulate the sort of woman I was attracted to. (Fortunately, by then I was married - VERY married - to a woman who wasn't far off that ideal.)
  • The OP ( u/AnswerAccomplished40 ) is about to jump into bed with somebody who she knows extremely little about. Yeah, there's the thrill of discovery, the bonding that comes from learning together, etc. As a wedding-night virgin at 23 (with an equally virgin bride) I have experienced those things. They're actually very satisfying and a lot of fun! But the OP is obviously trying to adapt herself to his personal, intimate, preferences when she has almost no idea of what those preferences are! I sense confusion, frustration, and disappointment in her future.
-1
Dangerous_Mammoth572•

Ok and what’s your point..? It’s still what most guys prefer right now and she’s not having sex in 2050 ..

Having sex with someone you barely know is fine.. people are different ..

2
AnswerAccomplished40OP•

Would it be okay to use like soap that has good smells? I heard it's not safe to do that.

-2
Dangerous_Mammoth572•

Yeah get some unscented gentle soap or just use water and never ever wash the actual vagina like inside. Your vagina/vulva isn’t supposed to smell like flowers but should obviously be cleaned

1