[363] Fireflies

Head's empty. My longer short story has quite a bit of fixing up to do, so I'm procrastinating.

I don't know what to make of the story below. Does it have enough tension to keep it going until the end? Is it coherent or is it a word salad? Publishable?

The story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Hv5Znbtu68daZr7tGG1LQaar6SwM6ycZEWIMPxOifsQ/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks!

My critiques:

[2965] Love is Dead: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/14dy1rf/2965\_love\_is\_dead/
[1464] The Edge of the Aunnan: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/14cvldf/1464\_the\_edge\_of\_the\_aunnan/
[3531] Coal at the Crossroads: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/14cvkv1/3531\_coal\_at\_the\_crossroads\_part\_12/

Past stories:

[2043] White Summer: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/14fjk9u/2043\_part\_13\_white\_summer/