Hi everyone,

I have posted the first chapter of this story last week and got a lot of useful feedback. It got a complete overhaul, there are barely any sentence left untouched, but I am once again at the point where I see no mayor problem with it. (I am sure there is, but forest and trees…)

Based on my last attempt, my main questions:

• Does the opening work?
• Am I still info dumping?
• Am I overwriting?
• Do the flashbacks work?

But any feedback is welcome.

It pretty much moved around 3k (+/-100 words) during editing, so thank you so much in advance if you are willing to read and review something that long.

I hope these critiques are enough to compensate for it and I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I couldn't see a clear cut-off point within it: 2418, 526, 479, 2796, 958, 1486

Link: Champions - Chapter 1