r/OCPoetry•
tompynuts

Insomnia Is For the Weak

Feedback Received!

3:14 a.m.

Time to count down the minutes

‘til fresh eyes are counterfeit.

I flip, flip, flip the pillow,

gotta keep it cooled y’know?

But Night exemplifies cold.

(Sleep does not invoke fear in my fragile bones.

I long for it's warm embrace.)

4:53 a.m.

I start to burn my bed frame,

the flames should keep Night away.

Even the ghosts start to sleep,

their chill permeates the heat

that I carefully tend to.

(I shall encapsulate daylight in this room.

Rest is not worth Night's presence.)

6:07 a.m.

I had that nightmare again,

with the spiders and vast webs.

How come Night loves pouring rain

into dream clouds from my brain?

Ethereal loneliness.

(My dreamscapes barren, I suppose that makes sense.

Welcome to my paradise.)

7:00 a.m.

Peel myself off the covers,

bathe, change, just like the others.

“Well, good morning everyone!

Hope you guys slept like the sun!

Time for another great day!”

(I expect the restless to return ready.

Am I hypocritical?)

Insomnia is for the weak,

so take some vitamins with all those sleeping pills.

http://www.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/comments/44gnh6/crumbling_friendship/czrfpc2

http://www.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/comments/44n26p/empty_sparks_around_kurts_spine/czrfu5p

Posted Feb 7, 2016, 9:34 PM UTC · edited

64
BLACK_gRAPE•

Feeling this right now as i have work tomorrow. Flip flip flip was a nice simple feature for obvious repetitive reasons. I read it as the dark feeling that it should have so good job on that.

It was more like a story to a poem to me, could just be the way i read it though.

Please take a look

3
Mistorious•

I love this, just exemplifies so perfectly how much we can overthink and the awfulness that insomnia brings.

1
Lord_Jud•

This is a solid piece! I love the matter-of-factness in the speaker's voice here; I think it lends to that surreal, dreamy quality of things when you can't exactly sleep. The end with the pills and vitamins is appropriately sarcastic and self-defeating and gives the speaker a sense of character. A successful write, by all means.

1
overquery•

Very well written and paints the perfect picture in your head as you read. That's what I enjoy the most, when I can picture your writing in my head and visualize every word. Well done.

1