I'm hoping for some insane cringe material. Here's mine: during the heat of puberty, I would often finger the female dog owned by some family friends. I once started to try to fuck it but stopped for fear of getting caught.
Man, I've checked 20 times that I'm logged in as a throwaway. First time I've ever admitted this. What about you?
Posted Jul 4, 2010, 4:01 AM UTC
When I was 13 I taught my dog to lick my cock while I jerked off.
When I was twelve we went deer hunting. I got bored sitting in the tree stand and wondered what poop tasted like. So I took a shit in my hand and ate some of it...it was bitter.
Around the same age I stole a 12 inch smoked sausage from the refrigerator and stuck it up my ass...all the way. I then put my clothes on and, with it still up my ass, I went and ate dinner with my family. After dinner I went into my room and pulled out. Then i ate it.
I've drank a lot of my own pee. I've eaten my own cum.
When i was 14 I was in my uncle's hot tub with my sister. As is bound to happen at that age, my dick got hard. I didn't want to get out of the tub so I jerked off right in front of her. I tried to be sneeky about it and not move my hand too much, but she got suspicious so i quit.
Around 15 yrs old I had a crush on my neighbor. She was the same age as me. I would break into her house when they weren't home and steal her dirty underwear. I would then wear it under my jeans and go hang out with her the next day. I would fantisize about getting caught. Then I would go home and jerk off.
When I was 22 I was playing with a razor blade and made a little cut in my dick. It bled a lot and I used the blood as lube to jerk off...I've posted that story before.
I licked my cousins pussy.
I lost my virginity to an ugly, 50 yr old Japanese prostitute.
I've jerked off to every kind of porn there is.
Now I'm old and have a wife and my life is boring.
Edit: Some of these events are not 100% complete. I actually toned a few of them down...wasn't sure if anyone would believe me.
I don't know why you bothered to create a throwaway account violentacrez
Wait, violentacrez isn't into scat porn! The plot thickens...
Spot on. I also lost my virginity to a girl I've known since 2nd grade.
Aside from actually eating the sausage, though, it all sounds pretty normal.
Will you be my creepy uncle? I hope you are satisfied with mantits.
Wait, how do you lose your virginity twice?
Suspiciously normal...
God damnit I must know how you detect and respond to each reference to your name so quickly.
This was the most glorious summary of humanity I've ever read. Transcendental shit right here.
...literally
pooping back and forth, forever
I no longer feel bad about anything I've done.
Seriously, right now I feel like a pretty big winner.
I don't even, oooh man.
Well the things I have done, I feel like a pretty big wiener
I read this in Chunk's voice, from Goonies.
I read it in Morgan Freeman's voice. But then I saw this and re-read it in Chunk's... much funnier.
I read it in Dr. Evil's voice, from Austin Powers.
...I don't know how to start with how fucked up this is.
The Aristocrats!
That about does it.
I licked my cousins pussy.
I'm ok with this.
depends if it was consensual, or if she was sleeping O.o I can imagine that might change a few things.
We don't know if the cousin was she or he
good point. It's never okay you lick your guy cousin's cat.
Bozarking! Welcome back.
shh! You'll scare him off again!
Whoops! My bad.....
Uh, welcome, you with an unusual (some might say unique) perspective!
No, you have to say it three times to summon him.
Then i ate it.
I made it that far before cringing.
We have a winner
There are no winners here.
Especially not the sausage.
Only weiners.
we have a wiener?
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read this in tracy morgan's voice : http://i.imgur.com/HI8Sr.jpg
Was this all said in one rant? If so, do you have a clip of it?
Season 4 episode 21, probably a little more than half way through. Youtube has taken down all the clips I find to it.
Welcome to the Internet. This is your home. I'm sure you'll be more than comfortable here.
Sounds like a Chuck Palahniuk novel.
Yeah, these sound like the random little factoids he throws in. Or maybe the background of a character in Haunted.
Whoa, what else?
tell us more about your cousin!!!
what...the....fuck.
Brilliant. Nothing short of absolute brilliance.
One question. "playing with a razor blade and made a little cut in my dick"-- am I to assume that anything involving "playing" involves something very close to your penis?
Dude.
Blood is a coagulant. It is the opposite of lube. It becomes more viscous when it goes into the open so it can seal cuts.
Not saying you're lying, but you must've been determined and had a lot of fresh blood.
I've done #6. Recently, too!
Wow, this post totally beat the fresh prince prostitute rape/murder story by a long shot.
Each one made me gape more than the previous. Well done.
Edit: Some of these events are not 100% complete. I actually toned a few of them down...wasn't sure if anyone would believe me.
Complete it . I totally believe you.
Around 15 yrs old I had a crush on my neighbor. She was the same age as me. I would break into her house when they weren't home and steal her dirty underwear. I would then wear it under my jeans and go hang out with her the next day. I would fantisize about getting caught. Then I would go home and jerk off.
My cousin actually did this to my sister (who was several years younger than him). He was caught though. Pretty horrifying.
Pleeeeease tell this whole story.
O_O
I've eaten my own cum.
Dude, a lot of guys eat their own cum after they masturbate. Such an act doesn't deserve to be listed right after the act of sticking a 12-inch smoked sausage up your ass, letting it slowly cook inside your body for an hour or so, and then eating that.
are these all true stories?
I am sure that's just a list of porn videos you've watched. At least I hope so.
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Quite possibly the biggest WTF I've ever read on the internet, if all of those are true.
Did you ever get some professional help?
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I'm attracted to children.
That's why I've never had a girlfriend. Mature women (and men) aren't arousing to me. I've never touched a child in that way, and if I ever get to a point where I know I will, I'll kill myself.
But they're the only thing that I can imagine ever loving in that way. Loli and shota are substitutes, but that only goes so far. I've watched CP before and I loved it (waits for the police to knock on my door).
I've spoken to a psychiatrist about it, one who specialised in this area and he didn't think I was dangerous. Some people are just paedophiles.
I avoid going to malls and stores and playgrounds and schools. When I see the right girl, I get this twisting in my chest. Fear and longing.
But I can never admit it. Never talk about it. I'll be alone, must be alone, for the rest of my life because of what I am.
Hey, you're a good person. Attraction to children or not, you're fighting your urges, that makes you a saint in my book.
He is fighting his demons and I am willing to help in any way possible.
He really a good guy, just trapped.
be a lot easier to help if you were andrewsmith2001
What is this? I'm only 9.
yeah its not his fault
good for him for not acting on his urges and getting help
Are you trying to sound like a christian conservative talking to a homosexual?
Are you kidding me? If I was trying to act like a Christian Conservative, I'd have told him he was a terrible person and going to hell. :P
But no, I'm just not good at the motivational thing, but wanted to let him know that he didn't suck.
I mean if he were gay and he didn't engage in homosexuality you'd be saying the same thing to him. "Attraction to males or not, you're fighting your urges". I know they are different realms, so I wasn't sure if I was missing some subtle humor or not ^^
Yeah the part where he watches children getting raped really impressed me!
He only said he watched CP once before. He might have felt guilty afterwards and not, or he may have continued, but it's still better than going out and traumatizing children for life himself.
The fact that children are abused to make porn is terrible, but unfortunately, it's going to get made whether or not he watches it, so if it helps him not harm anyone personally, I think it's worth it.
I hope I'm high level enough one day to rationalize actual child rape for the purpose of the actual sexual gratification of a third party to avoid possible consequences that may or may not be averted by said actual exploitation. Jesus. Go pat him on the back again and encourage him to consume even more videos of actual child rape, you know, to prevent him from hurting a child. Theoretically.
Hey man, good for you for seeking help. Everyone's on your side as long as your doing the right thing.
That's a lovely sentiment, but not really true. There's a sizable sanctimonious proportion of the population who believe it's their right to violently, sometimes lethally, police the sexual thinking of others. And they tend to react most violently to paedophiles.
I agree with what mw19 said. There are people who would want to kill you for even thinking like this. I am not one of them and I think this community is one of the more sympathetic to your plight. But actually acting on it? Yes, that would make me extraordinarily angry and I think 90% of people would react lethally against you if they could.
actually acting on it? Yes, that would make me extraordinarily angry and I think 90% of people would react lethally against you if they could.
Yeah, pleasedont ask just tape this to a private space you and only you will see every day and do that.
I can't say I approve of your sexual tastes, but as long as you never ever act on them I wouldn't vilify you or try to hurt you.
If you do act, well then, may whatever deity you think has your back protect you because I and everyone else will be out of there and most of us will now be on the violent side.
PS- Someone in my immediate family was sexually abused as a child and I would give anything to undo the trauma it has caused them. Believe me when I say that not everyone sees the issue in black and white but the gray area is infinitesimally tiny for all but the absolutely most open-minded of us.
Seriously, the amount of people who genuinely think that the death penalty is something that should be bestowed upon paedophiles is mind blowing. It's genuinely frightening that people completely forget that 100 years ago (I'm making that figure up, someone correct me) people thought the same about homosexuality.
I don't know about the death penalty, but at the end of the 19th century they imprisoned Oscar Wilde for a few years over "gross indecency" - a euphemism for homosexuality.
But maybe better than your point is that two thousand years ago (in ancient Greece), paedophilia and homosexuality were a perfectly acceptable sexual taste. It's a cultural artefact.
But a pretty damn strong cultural artefact, and one I happen to agree with. Sorry pleasedontask, but I'm happy you keep yourself under control and seek help.
I can't believe you're comparing homosexuality with pedophilia. The combat against sexual minorities is wrong when it involves only consensual adults, which is not the case.
From what I understood, you're saying that the "prejudice" against pedophiles is rooted in the same feeling that makes people combat homosexuality.
The abuse of children, who are not able in any way to engage in sexual acts, can't ever be compared to any other 'fetish'. It's a crime.
I'm happy pleasedontask is not acting on his urges, but I do think he is potentially dangerous and should be forced into going to therapy and forbidden to go near children.
And OP'S interest in CP really is worrisome. Please don't forget that by downloading, buying or doing whatever it is that you do to get it, you're encouraging child abuse.
To non-acting pedophiles? I've never seen anger expressed towards this group.
Find someone who's on a sex offenders register for accidentally downloading some 17 year old porn. Ask them about the threats they've received and the towns they've been run out of.
There are people out there who will react violently because they guess you might be thinking about unconventional sex.
As mentioned by other commenters, idiotic attitudes and violence against homosexuals shows a very similar pattern, and is better documented if you want to do some research.
Why do you think that is?
I can't believe people are literally calling this guy a saint. Don't forget that as a consumer of child porn, he's essentially participating in the victimization of children.
I'm glad he's not acting out in-person, but he's not "doing the right thing".
He is seeking help for it. The fact he went to see a counselor is alot more then most people do in his case. Would you perfer he bottled it all up until one day he grabs a little girl at the local pool?
How about for one second you come down off your moral high horse and try to help encourage someone to make the right choice instead of shame him for his wrong ones. I am 100% against child porn and I'll be the first to admit that seeking it out was the wrong choice, but people that are attracted to children need to know that there is support for them to overcome their "illness."
He is seeking help for it.
I don't see where he said that. Note that he said he has spoken to a psychiatrist about it:
I've spoken to a psychiatrist about it, one who specialised in this area and he didn't think I was dangerous.
When I turned 20 I went to a mental hospital to treat my bipolar disorder, I asked to talk to a specialist about my attractions.
So unless you're seeing something I'm not, he's not seeking help for it. In fact he says:
But I can never admit it. Never talk about it. I'll be alone, must be alone, for the rest of my life because of what I am.
Sounds like he's not looking to change.
So quit celebrating this guy.
I've never touched a child in that way, and if I ever get to a point where I know I will, I'll kill myself.
For some reason, this is the first comment on Reddit that has made me tear up.
You're a good person and, as someone said above, you are a saint for fighting your urges.
Have you tried dating a small Asian woman?
Because as we all know, small asian women have a thing for pedophiles.
white pedophiles at least
this is true because I worked with two men who were married to small asian women and was arrested for child porn.
Great advice!
I think that would be doing two things- firstly, stereotyping even further the myth that people who like Asian women are paedophiles, which is stupid, and secondly if he went for a small one, as in one of those tiny tiny women with bodies like 12-14 year old Euro kids, that would be tempting fate and giving in to the urges he's worked so hard to resist.
Hey man. I just wrote a really long post but for some reason it wasn't posted. Either way, I try to write it in short again.
First of all: respect for your strenght and courage in keeping yourself away from kids. And even more so for admitting the problem to yourself (and others) - that is the most difficult part and you have done a great job in seeing the shrink.
But I suggest something might help a bit. It seems you masturbate anyway (as most men do). This means that you regularly reinforce the attractions in your brain-connections. every attraction in your brain is trained. That means that the more you look at something and associate feelings with it, the more it will arouse you next time around.
That is how fetishes are made (e.g. japanese girls, latex, anal, ...) - you associate the sexual pleasures of masturbation/sex with the material you see, which then makes you next time more aroused. This works with literally anything: You can have a fetish for any random object if you just masturbate with it/to it often enough.
Now I suggest you try to use this: You are attracted by children. So whenever you do your duty try to a) slowly get the age up and b) mix what you're looking at with pictures of adult women (e.g. MET ART for some classy and really good looking women).
If you want to try the extreme: Even look for some adult women's pictures that at least don't disgust you and masturbate to those. The pleasure that will give you will increase with every time you do it, that is, you slowly form an attraction - a fetish as you will - for adult women.
I'm not saying you can get rid of your pedophilia. that will require a long abstinence of related porn and even masturbation (unused connections erode but it takes a long time - the stronger they are the more difficult and since you've been doing it for many years it will be very very hard). but what you might achieve is that you find attraction in adult women, that you might get interested in having sex with an adult and that you might have a fruitful and happy relationship with a trusting and loving woman.
As said, I'm not saying you can "unpedophile" someone, just like you can't "ungay" someone - if not over maybe 20 or so years of constant brainwashing with "the right" porn. But you might be able to gain attraction for what we conceive to be normal good looking women. That might 1) diminish you cp consumption, helping you to decrease your attraction and 2) enable you to maybe better your life.
So what you do: Look at other porn too. Not exclusively at first, since that doesn't get you off. But do it as well and slowly increase the % of adult women and general age. It takes time, maybe years, but it can get you to maybe respect yourself more and it might help to make such a good person as you seem to be to not feel and be alone anymore.
I can't guarantee it works. But that way - association and repetition - is how fetishes are made. Download quality material, like met art or the like where you can easily get more and keep it up for a while, hopefully it will help you change and refocus your attractions.
All the best, and, again, respect for your strengths. I really hope this might help you live a more fulfilling life, so please give it a shot!
So you're saying that if a gay man masturbates to women enough, he'll eventually be attracted to them?
Or if a lesbian rubs one out to pictures of cocks for a couple years, she'll want one in her?
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I asked a yes or no question and the above contains neither answer. Your reasoning skills seem like they're due for a sharpen.
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well, there are lots of theories but this is in general the closest you can get to it being a) useful and b) nearly concensical.
The theories are broadly in three categories, either they have developmental elements (e.g. you get attached to latex because your mommy wore it or because you were lying on it as a baby) or they stress one specific event (e.g. that one time latex got tangled around your dick...) - but the latter one is not much thought to be true and the former is not very useful, since, well, you can't really do anything with that (only manipulate your child's desires...).
So what remains is theory three: that it comes through one or the other form of association. that's the mainstream theory, which doesn't make it true but also definitely not false. And it is the only one that might be useful. As said above, I'm not sure if it works, but if he's jerking off anyway he might want to give it a try. I'm not saying it works, I'm saying it might work.
Also you got it the wrong way around: that's how fetishes are made, not how you can untrain them. In general the theory goes that attraction to one or the other comes through connection of neural networks - the only way to unlearn this connection is to keep both neural networks as inactive as possible for a long time and then activate one separately from the other. But that is very difficult for men + sex since you cannot really avoid perceiving men (although you might avoid being stimulated by controlling your thoughts).
And lastly the question remains whether attraction to men is a fetish or something else, since few people would dare to call heterosexual attraction a fetish (and more something inborn) - so the same thing might very well be true of homosexuality, which would make it impossible to unlearn (although possible to learn - to make as a fetish).
What your citing as theories are basic Freudian psychosexual developmental theories, which were disproved decades ago. There is strong evidence of both a nurture AND nature aspect of sexuality, but it appears to be mostly nature (as in genetics). The best studies were done on twins separated at birth. Many had drastically different upbringings, but were astonishingly similar in sexual preferences (often to the level of both marrying 5'4" redheaded women named Susan who wore glasses and bowled in a league, etc etc.)
tl;dr: No.
As best I can tell, you're attracted to who you're attracted to and there ain't shit you can do about it. As a straight person I can't even imagine what it is like to have to go through something where I would view my attractions as unnatural or disgusting.
well, you can. There's loads of evidence that men who watch porn usually start with erotica/softcore and increasingly increase the hardcore and violence factor (although that obviously is not true for everybody, in general it is). That's not necessarily a conscious manipulation but you can generate fetishes relatively easily...
Go listen to the Savage love podacst Episode 183. Some great advice in there for a guy in the same situation.
I somehow read this as a Savage Garden podcast addressing the issue of pedophilia. The weirdest thing is, I should have had a wtf moment, but I just went with it and only on accident did I read this again and realize my mistake.
You're a hero in my eyes... with a possible exception regarding the consumption of CP.
I would be curious to know how old you are and how long it took to come to terms with this.
I'm 22.
It all started when I was 13 and coming into my sexuality. I started searching for porn. It started out pretty light, but it didn't do anything for me and I was becoming increasingly frustrated. My friends would go into the woods to look at magazines they stashed and when I was invited along I just didn't understand what they were seeing. Breasts looked disgusting, by that time I had read a few zoology textbooks and I understood their function but they were just there.
Fast forward a couple of years. I remember going to the pool, swimming under the water and looking up at children. God, it's hard to talk about this. At 15 I found a new website named 4chan. There I found the first few videos.
It was amazing, it was like a part of myself that was locked up had been thrown open and I finally understood what everyone else was seeing. But it was so different. At 16 I tried to kill myself.
I told my best and only friend about it when I was 19. He stopped talking to me. He was the only person I've ever trusted.
When I turned 20 I went to a mental hospital to treat my bipolar disorder, I asked to talk to a specialist about my attractions.
Breasts looked disgusting
I remember this
At 15 I found a new website named 4chan.
I remember finding this to
Just a question that I'm certain you've thought about by yourself.
Had you never discovered 4chan, or CP in general, how do you think your life would have been changed?
formatting
I think it would be much worse.
It would have been this yearning that I couldn't put a name to, like a person full of cold rage that had never seen violence. Without a name to put to it I don't think I would be able, even now, to discriminate between between the attraction and disgust.
Since the widespread adoption of the internet, cases of molestation have steadily decreased and I think exposure and easy access to pornography could be a cause of it.
It certainly is interesting to think about.
I can relate. I created this account just to say that. Not to the "breasts looked disgusting" part (for me... it seems more that the spectrum of which I look at is a bit too large), but pretty much everything else, starting out around 12/13 (when they were not so far from my own age), and slowly finding more websites. For some reason I only go to these sites when I'm intensely depressed- perhaps it's because I get into a "nothing to lose, might as well do this thing" mentality. I've yet to even have the courage to bring it up with my current counselor. I'm scared every day that I'm in public that someone might catch me looking at the wrong-aged girl for too long and confront me.
You are not alone.
Please continue seeing the shrink. Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. If you repress your thoughts and isolate yourself, you will eventually fall off the wagon. You can't do this alone. I know talking about it with friends/family is not realistic (and probably not wise), but a shrink is ethically bound to keep your confidences (unless you admit to them that you have acted on your impulses and are harming children.) You sound like you recognize that if you molest a child, you very well likely destroy their life. If it's important enough that you're willing to kill yourself before that happens, then shouldn't you be willing to see a shrink first before it comes to that?
You are not alone. I just wish there was some way for people like us to support each other without risking far too much.
You could start a subreddit.
A subreddit is a good idea.
I have to ask. Did you suffer a closed head injury with unconsciousness in your preteens? There is an actual established link between that specific injury and pedophilia later in life. It's like whatever sliding scale in the brain that controls the appropriate age range you should be attracted to gets stuck at the moment of injury.
Whatever the reason, I have the greatest empathy for you and it's terrible when your own neurology is a curse. You have my respect for being a consciousness enough person to realize your base urges are harmful and act to resist them.
And totally from left field, have you ever thought about trying the fetishes of AB/DL and ageplay with another adult? That might be a satisfactory substitute for you.
As a student of psychology I would be very interested in the research between head injuries and pedophilia. I have done a great deal of research on sexual psychology and never heard this.
It's something I heard on RadioLab and a couple other NPR podcasts. Apparently, lot of serial killers who targeted young boys shared a history of closed head injuries with unconsciousness in their preteens.
Serial killers != majority of pedophiles
Correlation between child molesters (i.e. people who have trouble with impulse control) and hits to the head does not imply causation between hits to the head and the sexual orientation pedophilia...
Yeah, but the MRIs they performed on those child molesters...
what about the MRIs?
Keep talking to your shrink and see if there's a way you can't work through it. Good on you for not acting on it. I hope you continue to have the strength to avoid that.
Children, or teenagers? "Pedophilia" is an often misused label for Ephebophilia.
I'm afraid it's children.
Ephebophilia is a perfectly natural thing for all men to feel.
Puberty = childbearing age
Good point though.
Good for you for getting help and fighting it... I just hope you still don't look at CP :(
I'd rather not go to jail. I'll always have my imagination.
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Good luck with your struggle mate. I can't imagine how difficult it must be.
Thank you very much. I must have a shitty life. When I tell people about the other things that are wrong with me they say the same thing.
I feel that gives me awesome +5
Good job for being a human, sir. Upvote.
I have a lot of respect and remorse for you. I wish things could be different sometimes too, but you're stuck with the cards life dealt you. You'll probably meet the right baby-faced woman at some point in your life and have a great relationship.
Go back to the psychiatrist, it will help you immeasurably as well as helping other people by being so open about your problem. Also, being alone for the rest of your life is not a condemnation - you're affording yourself AND OTHER PEOPLE so many freedoms by choosing to reign yourself in and be a better person.
There's no gentle way to ask this over the internet, so ...
Were you sexually abused as a child?
Luckily no, though I understand that does lead to this sort of thing.
When did you first become attracted to children?
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What about midgets?
Just be careful, and keep trying to get help if you can.
I've got a good friend of mine who's been in jail for the last two-plus months for this, and might very well be looking at a prison sentence. When he gets out, he's going to have a hell of a hard time getting his life together. My girlfriend and I are pretty much the only friends he has left, and his own mother has said that she wishes he had just died instead.
And, he was pretty computer savvy. He thought he knew what he was doing. The FBI showed up at his house one day anyway.
Getting a fair trial on something like this is really damn hard.
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I deal with basically the same issue. I however totally accept myself for what I am. I went through quite a bit of guilt and self-doubt over it, but ultimately I realized that the word pedophile means "child love"! It's society that has got things twisted, not me!
This isn't a throwaway account. I am myself ^_^
Wow, I'm really impressed at your level of self confidence.
fast edit
searched for your name, doubly impressed now. I suppose it's like coming out of the closet*10000
Believe me, it was extremely difficult to get it off my chest. My parents were sort of dumbfounded by it. I basically sat them down and admitted to them that my 'dark secret' was having looked at CP in a couple of phases in my life between highschool and my early twenties.
I'll tell you, it was a huge relief, primarily just the memory of CP from my past. I had such a knot of guilt about it, and even had really traumatic burned in images of one of the CP vids I had watched, and just felt so terrible about it. After telling my parents, even though they didn't really grasp what I was telling them, it felt like I had broken through this layer of guilt inside me.
The biggest relief was having a second conversation with my mother, just a day or 2 before I had to fly back out here to the west coast (my family lives on the east coast and I was visiting for about 3 months when I 'came out' heh)... Anyway it finally 'clicked' with my mom that I wasn't just saying I watched some CP back in highschool and I felt bad, I was saying that I was a pedophile and that deep down I just wanted to be ok with that...
Honestly I remember seeing her expression change the moment she realized it, and I just burst out laughing because it felt so good to be relieved fully of all of the guilt. For about 45 minutes straight I just had a huge smile on my face. My mom of course was pretty pissed off, but I felt great about being able to identify myself.
Anyway, my family knows, a few of my friends know, and I'm basically fine with it.
The big challenge now is, convincing the world that pedophile means "child love" and not "child rapist"... and to find a way to convince the world that we are real loving people, and there is a totally legitimate avenue for creating circumstances for genuine loving relationships between adults and children. I could describe those avenues in great detail, along with a great deal of other societal changes that will be taking place in the near future, its just a matter of who is interested enough to take me seriously.
"there is a totally legitimate avenue for creating circumstances for genuine loving relationships between adults and children"
No. There isn't. You will never ever ever get to this point in society. We will never let you take advantage of our children for your sexual gratification. Kudos for recognising it, but downvotes forever for trying to justify it.
Though I'm not ready to go that far, your story gives me hope that some day I'll be able to do so without being afraid.
dude, personally, cp is not my style, but sometimes,i just get sick of peperoni
You remind me of Dexter in a wierd way
enjoy your b&
no big deal. so go to touristing in Iran. No minimum age. as long as you are "married", and you can get married in 1 minute, do the nasty, then get divorced the next.
plus, the exchange rate and living standards there are really in favor of tourists. why not marry a young girl for real. no biggy.
NAMBLA
I used to troll Facebook.
Pathetic, I know.
One time, a Christian dating site called 'Singles.org' was hacked by 4chan. You can read about this 'Operation Jesus' here. Anyways, over 10,000 e-mails and passwords were leaked in 'christian.txt'. I picked a couple at random, changed their Facebook statuses and pictures, maybe ruined some friendships. Then I posted their e-commerce details on /b/.
Also, Facebook groups used to be configured so that when there are no administrators left, anyone could join a Facebook group and become its administrator. So I did a Google search for the query "site: Facebook.com 'There are no admins left in this group!'", which quickly brought up fan clubs, Christian camp groups, family reunions, and even one bizarre group called "Help Fine Vanessa's Baby Daddy!" which was about a pregnant teen, 15 to 16 years old, who was looking for 'Baby Daddy' to help take care of her baby.
I quickly changed all of those groups to something either Pro-Nazi, Pro-Fascist, or most commonly, pro-Pedophilia. Over 100 groups containing over 3000 people are now subscribed to some NAMBLA-esque organization.
Surprisingly, no one has bothered to take those groups down or leave. A lot of people don't even know that they belong to them.
/b/ has delivered again.
That's not awful. That's fucking hilarious!
Also, Facebook groups used to be configured so that when there are no administrators left, anyone could join a Facebook group and become its administrator. So I did a Google search for the query "site: Facebook.com 'There are no admins left in this group!'"
I wish I had thought of this.
There was even a hack to find groups with certain ranges of members. So you could, say, pick only empty groups with over 100 members.
I did it with a few high school groups, but quite the opposite to the op. I'd change them to pro-religion groups,
After I discovered that I was a fan of Michael Vick, I made sure to look through all my groups every once in a while.
I willingly became a fan of Michaels Vick to be an ass. No throwaway account needed.
You are everything that is wrong with 4chan.
i disagree. he's everything that's right with 4chan.
4chan just is.
chaotic neutral?
Full of terrible terrible bastards!
That too.
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Disconnect from the internet and run. Run now and when you think you've run far enough, run some more.
*right
FTFY
wtf. my exgf got her facebook hijacked and used to spam all her contacts. thanks for the good work
Yeah.. that's pretty fucked up.
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I used to do the same thing with Facebook groups, but I would always change them to support something absurd, like Beast Wars or Eric Stoltz.
Hah, I used to do that, until they changed facebook so you couldn't anymore. I remember thinking I'd stumbled across gold with that "For Every person who joins we will donate 10 cents to Haiti" with a million members and no admins left, then I realized they changed the mechanics.
One day (way back when) I subscribed to a group that had something to do with 'our last names will continuously be spelled or pronounced wrong'. I'm looking through my pages recently and suddenly I'm subscribed to "The Micheal Vick fan club".
In the page summery the guy even said "This used to be something to do with names but then it got hacked and now it's the Micheal Vick fan club! :D"
Was this you?
I salute you!
this man is a genious. applaude him!
Well, this thread made me feel better about myself.
You people are fucked up.
I know. Here I was thinking I was an evil piece of shit for ignoring panhandlers. But fuck damn! You people make me look like a saint.
I'm asshole for sure. But the worst I've ever done is piss people off.
I've posted this under my regular account before, so whatever. (It's also not that bad, but other people seemed to think so.)
I was walking in a downtown area with a bunch of people, toward the back of the group. A homeless guy comes up and asks "Can I have 20 cents?" So I pull out a massive pocketful of change (I was new to Europe), dig through it, and hand him a 20 cent piece. He asks if he could have more, and I said "You said 20 cents," and headed to catch up with the group.
I decided after the fact to only respond to specific, reasonable requests for money. And no seconds.
probably taught him a good lesson too
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Trolling is a art.
I was walking in New York City, and had one of those "oh shit, I have to go to the bathroom" moments. I was only two blocks from my hotel so I kept walking to try to make it back. It suddenly turned in to a "SHIT NOW" moment, literally I was about to shit my pants. I ducked into someone's basement stairwell and had the most foul bowel movement of my life. I feel so bad for the people who live there.
A few years back, there were a string of break-ins in my area. I came home from a long weekend to find that the apartments to the left and the right of mine had been broken into, but mine had been untouched. Why? Because some homeless guy had taken a shit on my front door. Only time I ever cleaned up shit with a smile on my face.
I wish so badly that superTossAccount was the one who did it.
I'm intrigued by the implication that it was only one of a multitude of times that you cleaned up shit.
Ever had a pet?
Or a kid?
Do you live on the upper west side?
Hahah, no. Not even the same state.
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This is completely appropriate for NYC standards.
I had a similar experience in the middle of a town in Europe. I had abandoned all hope and actually started considering options that really are unthinkable. Then I noticed a train station, figured it must have a public toilet and I was intensely happy to be right. Crashed in, threw 50 cents at the cleaning lady, my deus ex machina, and experienced the true sensation of Just-In-Time Management.
After about half an hour, when I seemed to have reached the eye of the storm, the lady came knocking on my door, demanding more money.
Thanks for the first post here to make me laugh and not lose faith in humanity.
'Oh shit' indeed!
I have done this exact same thing, after eating some ridiculous Balinese or Ethiopian or Siamese or who know what other spicy food, and this is not a throwaway account. I got some on my pants and legs and had to wait for my buddy to come looking for me and luckily he had some hockey pants in his trunk. I bought them from him, ducked into a YMCA and cleaned off in the bathroom, got dressed and had to ride home with a bewildered car full of friends who (I think) believed me when I told them I puked on myself.
hockey panties, eh?
hahahaha u didnt have to make a throwaway for that, thats hilarious!
Um, what did you do about the toilet paper situation?
i kept walking to my hotel, had a shower and threw out my underwear.
I've been there.
Don't worry, it probably happens to them all the time.
I'm just LOLling :)
Once when I was maybe 8 years old I had sex with my 6 years old sister. I guess neither of us really knew what we were doing but it fucking haunts me. I hope she doesn't remember.
Damn.
Dude I was reading through this thread and what you wrote just triggered a memory for me. I mean, it isn't the first time I've remembered this, but whenever the thought comes up I immediately just think of something else and forget about it. Anyway, I remember one time when I was still in elementary school, I took a shower with my sister and well... ugh I don't want to actually type it out because that means I'll have to think about it, but i guess we did a few things sexually. Thankfully, we didn't actually have sex (although I tried gag) and like you, I really hope she never remembers. Ugh I really want to go shove myself into a blender now.
I think lots of kids did this at an early age, there are even people who studied children sexuality and wrote about it, even in the middle age, just so you all know
that's hard. But don't blame yourself. You were 8 back then and totally not yet responsible for your behaviour.
I think it's actually normal for kids to experiment like this. We used to live in tight family groups where no one had a room to themselves- sex was more open; kids were exposed to it young and it wasn't a big deal. Kids are naturally curious. I think you'll find that a lot of people have this as part of their past and are ashamed of it- but I don't think we should be. Kids are kids. We grow up and learn what society thinks we should be ashamed of. :/
She does but she will never admit it.
If she does I doubt she'd blame you. She'd probably have the same feelings of shame. Might be worth obliquely refering two next time you guys are alone and drunk. See if she remembers. Laughing it off or dealing with it is better than living in shame for the rest of your life.
Also, if 100 Years of Solitude taught me anything, nailing your sister is hardly uncommon.
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Eh, shit happens. Probably not a big deal.
Lol, wow. Great response, "eg no big deal"
So what happened to you that you knew what to do at that age? And she probably remembers it. You should talk to her.
Just bring it up casually during dinner, easy enough
Yeah I mean after all it's just silly and non-sex... oh, er.
Don't worry, it was probably silly and non-sexual.
at 6 and 8 years old, it probably was.
Oh my god. How did that happen? Like how did it come up? No pun intended
Actually, this is far more common than you think. Don't worry about it.
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Did you wear a lil mini?
Dude try to recall if you were molested as a kid, these things don't just happen out of the blue.
That statement is multiple kinds of incorrect.
Dude. Therapy. Seriously.
"Once when I was 8 years old I raped my 6 year old sister"
FTFY :D
What the fuck? Fuck you, you little cunt.
no. Technically, they both raped each other. But in my book, it is not rape.
You fingered a dog? Dude...
In his defense, it is quite appropriate for this thread.
We can still marvel at how screwed up it is...
You're barking up the wrong tree.
It seems that dog had it pretty ruff.
Yeah, he really screwed the pooch...
I'm trying to think of a man's best friend pun but i can't quite put my finger in it.
And tried to fuck it.
It's worse then you think, he was playing rod stewart tonight's the night and he got the dog all drunk.
How could you possibly know this? Unless...you're the dog!
You're the dog!
What I don't get is why (I'm sure I'm delving too deep into this); surely it is not beneficial to the OP in any way...?
On second thought, don't answer.
Don't worry about it too much. I mean, it's totally creepy and the dog probably wasn't crazy about the whole thing (I assume), but no one got hurt or anything. Just be a little nicer next time, eh?
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I'm always afraid of clicking on these types of threads because I'm always afraid there will be stories of people abusing animals >.<
You sexually abused a dog? Dude...
FTFY
Abused? or Seduced? He has a rap, he romanced that dog. You can't "abuse" it when it's totally into the moment.
In the first weeks of my freshman year of college, I met a girl at a party who was very drunk. She was so drunk that she had to go home, and I volunteered to walk her there.
When we got to her place, we started making out- I initiated it. Up until this point, my experience with girls had always been that they would just stop you when you went too far. I had no prior experience with drunk girls, so I didn't know that the rules were different. I had sex with her, and though she was acting a little strangely, she seemed all up for it to me at the time. This was likely just drunken passiveness.
She later told me that I had raped her, and she was pretty much blacked out at the time. She had been a virgin.
That's how it goes. I know several people that are full fledged non-violent rapists, with long rosters. Plenty of times, they've really plied girls with alcohol, like putting everclear in champagne, watering down their own drinks to stay in control of their game, etc. Most of this, I saw in the college dorms, where the guys had their whole social support system to back them up, and the girls were left to choose between speaking, and being social outcasts, or shutting their mouths, taking it, and maybe even garnering a little favor with him.
I know, you want to downvote furiously... but I never did this! I only saw it happen. I'm just a timid, lonely guys. I was the one with no girl, while these dudes were storming whole freshmen classes. oh well.
Wait a second, putting Everclear in a female's champagne? That's date rape. Whoever you hung out with in college were full fledged pieces of shit.
Second sentence. He says he knows several fully-fledged rapists.
more importantly, what kind of person can't taste fucking Everclear in their champagne.
Already drunk college girls for one.
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Never tell that to r/mensrigths, they will call you a white knight, call the girls sluts and praise any guy who ever got called out in such behavior as both a hero and a victim.
Never tell that to r/feminisms, they might come to the incorrect conclusion that these girls never had a chance, they had no choice but to stay there, get wasted with a bunch of douchebags and end up fucking them. Because becoming a social outcast is much worse than hanging out with a bunch of fucking jock losers that intend to rape you.
I doubt the girls would have stayed if they actually KNEW these guys did things like that. How many guys would let it get out that they're drugging and raping these girls? He said they had a full support group for them, so this was probably all a secret between those guys. The girls wouldn't even remember anything if they were drugged. The girls don't remember faces, the guys get to go back and tell their buddies they did so-and-so girl, and everyone goes home.
Also, social seclusion isn't as light as you're making it out to be. Yes it's MUCH better than being drugged and raped, but a lot of people are afraid to lose 'friends', regardless of what type of people they are. Also, if you know enough of these type of people, and end up calling them out on their behavior, you could get a violent lashback, probably end up having to leave the school, maybe even moving away if they spread rumors through the community that YOU'RE the slut, and so on.
So I think more people would rather keep their mouths shut than be ridiculed and maybe have to change where they live. It's a fact, and it's happened to quite a few people I know.
Never tell this to reddit, they might collectively come to the conclusion that they can make a judgement on the whole story despite only having read a short paragraph about it.
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The majority of rapes are exactly like what you and ItsJustThrowaway described. Violent stranger rape is actually quite rare. I have a little sympathy for ItsJustThrowaway because it seems like he made a mistake out of inexperience but feels remorseful now. I hope he apologized to the girl and went to counseling so it will never happen again. Serial rapists like the ones you described are cowards in my opinion. They realize that, under normal circumstances, it would take some effort to get their intended victim to consent to having sex with them, so they deliberately use alcohol to incapacitate. It's disgusting and pathetic really.
I'm just a timid, lonely guys. I was the one with no girl, while these dudes were storming whole freshmen classes. oh well.
Did you really just say "oh well" because you never raped girls after putting Everclear in their champagne?
.... yeah.... Well, I mean, these guys have had had a litany of sexual experience, perhaps every possible sexual experience. They get what they want. I don't get anything I want. Hence, the "oh well".
What the fuck man. I only saw something like this once in college and we beat the utter living shit out of the guy afterwards. Sounds like you might have been in a fraternity type situation.
Yep. Actually, halfway between fraternity and dorm. Sort of unique to the school. But because there was a central culture, and it was on campus, this very specific scene can happen. oh well.
I hope you got some tail later - if not check /r/seduction and r/pua.
This is not rape, and would not have happened if the girls kept their legs shut/not left their drinks unattended/ didn't drink so much/etc. If you're stupid, shit happens.
You're stupid.
Nope, they're still violent rapists. It's rape, it can't not be violent
i think he meant "non-violent rapist" like "getting girls open with booze"
which involves no violence.
Oh ok. Was wondering why people downvoted that.
Ok, so downvotes will come I am sure. But I've been raped and this...is a gray area. You took advantage of her. You didn't know she was blacked out because you can't tell that at the time. She feels like its rape because she can't remember. I don't know that its rape. For sure though, this is why you don't sleep with girls when they are wasted. No matter how much they want to. You take the more noble route.
Legally, he raped her (in America at least). However, I’m of the opinion that alcohol and sex are two things that the law currently does not handle very well at all.
Remember, though. He was young and stupid. I'm not saying it's ok, I'm saying that he didn't know any better. She was probably too young to drink anyway
no downvotes here, but inebriation makes it illegal in most states. better to not have sex the first time if either party is wasted. just makes sense.
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Dunno, more like: she was raped, but he didn't rape.
The law seems to disagree with you(in the US) to my understanding if someone is under the influence of any mind altering substance you cannot give consent similar to legal documents. Since she wasn't in a legit state of mind it can be considered rape, this is a gray area.
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What was your response to her, what happened following this?
I was extremely apologetic to her, and wanted to help her get over it in any way I could - though there wasn't anything I could do. I had made a giant mistake and really deeply hurt her, regardless of whether or not it fit the definition of rape.
She and I talked it over for a while, she told me had the option of pursuing different actions against me, but that she was just going to let it drop since she felt that it wasn't entirely my fault. The night that it happened, she had told me explicitly that she wasn't a virgin, and she was really into it with me- she had even kissed me much earlier in the night when she wasn't nearly as drunk.
You didn't rape her man. You're not going to win any awards for gentlemanliness for it, but if she didn't tell you to stop or anything like that it's not your fault. It's not up to you to decide how drunk she is; if she doesn't want something like that to happen she needs to control how much she drinks so she can control her actions better. And besides, even in my most drunk state, if I didn't want to have sex with somebody I would say so. If you got really drunk and woke up next to somebody you consider to be extremely unattractive, would you say she raped you?
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Thats how it goes then does it? Wake up with someone ugly and cry rape.
If it makes you feel any better about what happened, in Australia it is a complete defense (as in no conviction, no criminal record its like being acquitted) to argue that you honestly and reasonably (subjectively) thought that she was consenting. I know the law is different in the states, but an entire country thinks what you did is not morally wrong, just a bit of a communication breakdown.
If someone doesn't like the choices they make while in an alcoholic black-out (not to be confused with unconsciousness) perhaps they should stop drinking.
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Why should you feel guilty? if she gets in the state where shes so drunk and cant remember anything, thats not your fault. IMO unless the girl is actually passed out, or tells you to stop, everythings fine from there. Its pathetic how some women can get so drunk, have sex and then the next day cry rape because they feel bad and wouldnt have done so sober (i've done many things because of drink that i wouldnt have when sober, but i take responcibility for them.) people like that are why rape is so hard to prosecute for the real victims.
Regardless of my intentions, I hurt her.
Wasn't rape. Regretting something afterward is not rape. Stop letting that dumb bitch manipulate and guilttrip you.
I can't really describe how much I hate you.
Edit: You do all know that if this was posted from the girls perspective, you would be comforting her and saying how she should go to the police? And think that the guy was a sick fuck? Suddenly we hear it from his perspective, and without a doubt he knew he was doing something wrong, and since he's a redditor and posting in a rather touchy thread we think he's some kind of fallen hero? You raped her. I hope that's burned into your conscience.
OH SNAP
dude that was not rape.
disagree if you will
Yeah the only R word I could think of is regret
Probably according to Roissy or to the guys at the Spearhead it was not rape.
If she consented while drunk, it's not rape. You can't be so drunk that the act of consenting is invalidated. If she was comatose, that would be rape, but in that case there would be no implied consent.
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How can that be?
If a woman can claim that she was too drunk to held responsible for her act of consenting, why couldn't then a man argue that he was too drunk to be held liable for his act of rape?
Welcome to "justice".
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If the guy can establish that he too was too sozzled to make better judgement, I suppose the law would consider that aspect. And perhaps nullify rape?
Can anyone shed some light on this?
Intoxication does not remove you from application of the law. If you kill someone while drunk, are you too drunk to be held liable for murder?
Oh, well, there's no mea culpa when I drunk drive, then.
So why can you not be held responsible for consenting to have sex whilst drunk, but if you drive drunk they throw you in jail? Talk about a double standard.
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That's not true, at least not in Michigan. When you are intoxicated, you cannot legally give consent. I have heard this at numerous university events.
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Virgin to 24, dated here and there but no real GF until that point, and lost my virginity to a girl 4 years younger than me and much more sexually active and "out there" so that was pretty easy. Within 6 months of losing my virginity I was steady with a woman 3 years older than me. 6 months later and we were engaged. 22 years later and my live is awesome.
Do this:
Think back over the last year or two about all the women with whom you've pulled the "I'm shy, but I 'too cool-ed' myself into looking like a moron AGAIN" move. Start making a list -- it should be easy to count to at least 10. Are any of them still around? Regardless of whether they have boyfriends, ask one of them out for coffee with the explicit purpose of gaining some advice and feedback from that woman on how you come across.
Be very specific -- tell her that you're trying to learn more about your own blind spots and you would value her objective observations. If she asks any questions before agreeing to coffee, be very honest -- practice your response which will be something like "I feel that I am very clumsy around women, I think that clumsiness showed up once when I was talking with you, and I want your observations for the sake of me understanding myself better -- this is very much a 'me' kind of request but I'm granting myself the opportunity to be self-focused for the sake of getting your observations, which I value because you can see me better than I likely see myself, at least on this clumsiness issue".
Again, do not consider the boyfriend status. This is not a date, nor a prelude to asking someone for a date. There is no hidden agenda. If the woman has a boyfriend and she declines, that is her choice. Grant her the maturity to know that having coffee with you is what grown-ups do when they want to have a conversation, and that she will make the decision based on her level of comfort with you.
And this is key -- when you do meet for coffee, don't wear anything out of the ordinary, no cologne, and maintain eye contact even if she wore something flirty. This is good practice -- women like to dress pretty, but they prefer that a man maintains eye contact, and the more your eyes are enjoying the rest of her, the less she will think of you.
Now STOP! Think about the first woman who has come to your mind. Is she the one who most closely fits your prototype of a supersexy woman where your eyes will be wandering, or is she the great listener and keen observer who could give you good, solid feedback yet has troll feet. If you chose the former, you focus too much on the outside. If you chose the latter, you are likely to get better information.
Either way, GO WITH YOUR FIRST CHOICE just to see where your gut takes you while also setting up a second coffee chat with someone else -- same topic, and repeat this a few times. Try to have 4 or 5 of these coffee chats in the next month. If you really are as inept as you say, you must have several if not dozens of these women whom you can circle back to for this conversation -- this includes women who you knew in high school. So there is no excuse for not following this approach. Facebook was built for you, my son.
And remember, this is not a date nor a prelude to a date. Enjoy the coffee but let her decide if she wants a second cup. Don't cling to the conversation. REPEAT -- do not cling or ask whiny or weak or dependent on her assessment of you. If you act weak and she takes pity, you are not getting the honest feedback you seek. If you acknowledge this is an odd topic, but no more odd than a Woody Allen movie scene and have a friendly smile, this will go quite well SO LONG AS YOU ARE NOT CLINGY OR NEEDY. This is a 30 minute meeting and 5 minutes is you describing what you know about you, 25 minutes is her feedback and ideas. Thank her for her honesty, let her know if you can ever do likewise (provide honest feedback, not inferring that she is socially inept) that you'd be more than happy to do so, and hold the door for her as you leave the coffee shop.
Do not walk to her car. Say goodbye at the door and walk to your car with the new-found confidence that you can do what you just did. If she is interested in you she will let you know by following up with an email or phone call. If you are interested in her, you can follow up next month after you've had this conversation with other women, but let the conversation settle on you and on her. If you follow her to her car, or seek a hug at the door of the coffee shop, or call her the next day, she will see the coffee conversation as a prelude, which is not what you intended, and your stock goes down. If you call her next month and say "thank you for that conversation. I actually had same conversation with 2 other women and that was all very useful. I'm circling back to you to say thanks and also ask if you're available for a (movie / museum / music) date. There are lots of things to do here, any that you've been thinking of doing but didn't have someone to join you for that?"
The worst things she could say are "that's sweet but I'm..." which is honesty from her and practice for you to talk with women, think about which discussion yielded a good feeling from you in terms of a person who is observant and caring, and then following up with that, rather than with the person who is sexually attractive.
This is what you will gain from this work (and it is work, give yourself credit and treat this like it is a college summer session course and you will be graded based on the effort you put into the course):
Practice in starting a conversation that is seemingly awkward, but actually is reasonable.
Feedback on where you get nervous and how your body responds to the impending rejection that you are sure is going to occur.
Statistics on "coffee chat request" success rate. If your success rate is 3 of 10, then that's good to know. If you are 8/10, then you truly are under-estimating yourself and the women around you.
You could even do this -- if the woman declines, say "thank you for considering my request, I do have one question. I worry that women might find me creepy. If there is one of 3 reasons for why you declined is it A) not interested, B) this request is creepy, or C) I am creepy. I know this seems odd to ask, but again my goal is to better understand myself and I value your opinion." Again, you are gathering information and this may seem very clinical and odd, but think about it as marketing research -- you want to take the same approach with each woman and see if you get the same answers. If that happens over and over again, then you have great information on what to do differently, or at least that there is something that needs to be addressed.
If you get 3 women to have this conversation with you in the next month, you will know more about your issues that keep you from dating than 90% of guys who are like you (and believe me, there are a lot of guys like you). You'll be in a better position to start asking other women with whom you have not pulled the "shy-too cool-oops" move out for coffee. If you take an art class, join a camping club, or whatever, you'll have more information, more practice in starting the conversation, more practice in maintaining eye contact, and more confidence that you know what your real blind spots are because these coffee conversations will likely reveal things that you don't suspect rather than simply confirming that "shy-too cool-oops" is issue.
And you will know this:
Women with troll feet stand firm on the ground. Their spreading toes show strength -- a firm grip on the soil.
Women with dainty feet, polished nails, and no gaps between their toes have a closet full of fashionable-yet-uncomfortable shoes. Their feet are expensive to maintain, yet that expense does not create value.
Which woman would you rather be in the shower with after a weekend of camping?
tl;dr, -- Ask a few women you know out for coffee, ask how you come across, reflect, learn, repeat.
Just replying because nobody has given your comment the recognition is deserves. Also, bestof'd. I just want my fellow redditors to get laid more often.
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This comment is wonderful and full of good things. It doesn't apply to me yet, luckily, but the advice is solid.
very good advice =)
Practice in starting a conversation that is seemingly awkward, but actually is reasonable.
Feedback on where you get nervous and how your body responds to the impending rejection that you are sure is going to occur.
People pay through the nose to learn these things. You've turned awkwardness and rejection into A) an opening for conversation, and B) free practice and self-knowledge. Genius.
Amazing what a 35 year rear-view mirror gives me :o)
"I'm shy, but I 'too cool-ed' myself into looking like a moron AGAIN" move. Start making a list -- it should be easy to count to at least 10.
Um, what if I can't get to 10. What if I have trouble getting to 1?
(Yes, I'm cheating: I'm using the last 12 months, and the first six of those were spent cooped up in a house.)
Are any of them still around?
Nope. Well, they're around, I'm not.
late to the party but i have to upvote you for "troll feet". i too had the opportunity to choose and i chose troll feet because i wanted a partner, not a trophy. definitely no regrets.
You know while reading this thread I thought I had nothing to add, until I read your comment. This couldn't be any closer to the truth for me. I'm 23, never remotely come close to even making out with a girl let alone have sex. I'm about a 7/10. I get along with girls just fine when they're not single or unattractive. Whenever a girl is interested in me, I'll find a fault about them which turns me off. Recently a girl was quite keen on me so I found out, but she has gross feet. I've no idea why this made a big deal but my god I couldn't get it out of my head. Think 'Shallow Hal' with 'the toe'.
My friends have never seen me with a girl but never intrude and talk about my sex life. I've been travelling overseas a few times by myself where I fabricate that I fucked many women. They're believable stories, and sometimes I think I must start to believe in my bullshit lies. I'm a compulsive liar.
Like you said, it burns so bad when people around me are in happy relationships. Even worse, when it's the cunts and douches who get the cool chicks.
I can relate to your situation in some capacities. I'm not a virgin, but I can relate to your shallow hal analogy. I think it has something to do with a certain level of sexual insecurity. This is just me talking out loud, and some of it you might relate to, and other parts you might just shrug off.
For a while I'd avoid hooking up with girls because I was afraid I'd be no good at it. They'd go on to tell their/my friends (when I was in high school this was a huge concern) how bad of a kisser I was, how I didn't know what I was doing in bed or that I had a small dick or I couldn't get hard or something. A laundry list of insecurities.
So I'd sidestep this whole situation. Avoid the girl, make up reasons why I wasn't attracted to her, find faults that should never have stopped me in the first place. Now that I think about it, it relates to one of my earliest sexual encounters. Drunk and on vacation at the age of 17 I was hooking up with this girl. Ultimately I couldn't get an erection. I felt terrible. The next day I saw her and her friend at the resort bar... they pointed and laughed at me. I felt even worse. I was insecure before, and after that I was VERY insecure. Didn't hook up with a girl for 2 years.
Before I get all long winded and start going on, and on, which I have a tendency to do, I'll try and get to the point.
Get out there and hook up with a girl. It'd be best if she doesn't know any of your friends, because you won't have that nagging feeling of "what if she reports back to my friends that I'm bad in bed!" Having never hooked up with a girl, you might still wonder if you're doing it right. Just don't stress out about that stuff. Have a few drinks (not too many!!!!) to bolster your confidence and make you a little loose.
It'll be tough to step out of your comfort zone, but trust me, you will never have a sex life if you live in fear of rejection / embarrassment. 23 isn't too far gone. If you let yourself continue on this path, it'll only be more difficult to break out of the funk. You don't need to be a lady-killer either. I don't sleep with a ton of girls, and I'm not ashamed of that.
I've never even had a one night stand, but I would still be a virgin if I didn't literally look myself in a mirror one day and say "what the fuck? Just get out there do it" I said that to myself when I knew there was this one girl that wanted to hook up with me. I could have done my "nah, she's a little to X" but I didn't let myself. And that is the first step to preventing yourself from never find some level of sexual satisfaction.
TL;DR Step out of your comfort zone. Don't be afraid of rejection / embarrassment. You might never have any level of a relationship with a girl if you spend too much time worrying about what might happen when you're hooking up. Get out there and try and get some for yourself otherwise you'll continue to be miserable!
also, edit: if your insecurities have anything to do with the size of your johnson, forget about it. American porn / television / movies. will have you believing you need to be 8+ inches. I thought that through out high school, and in to college. TV shows, movies, and the like had me so insecure about the size of my dick that it kept me away from girls out of pure fear of embarassment. Then I realized, gradually over time, that 6in erect is completely average. Not big, not small, not something to be ashamed of. I think if you've got anything over 4 inches you really shouldn't worry that much (especially if you find a girl that likes you, or one that isn't an insecure or shallow). Again, you might relate to that insecurity, or you might be a lucky fucker that has a banana in your pants.
Thought you might find this helpful:
First and foremost, not all girls want a guy who has fucked half of a state. For instance, I was fearing I'd be you, 20+ and alone. I met another virgin when I was early 19, and we're getting married now.
And I can tell you; she's smoking hot and 3 years my junior.
Stop lying, I cannot stand dishonest people, and girls will hate you.
I'm seriously picky myself, but I figured I'm probably not going to run into a perfect single 10 anytime soon with the small social circle I have, so I've dated a few girls not entirely my type. In my experience, firstly I've realised that the faults I saw at first often turned out to be entirely imaginary or at least far less troubling than I had originally believed, and secondly just because you don't fully appreciate a look at first doesn't mean it can't grow on you a lot given a little time. Give these girls a chance, you've really nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying.
http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cl8a1/to_the_introverts_nice_guys_afcs_new_to_pickup/ download theses and listen a lot
Recently a girl was quite keen on me so I found out, but she has gross feet. I've no idea why this made a big deal but my god I couldn't get it out of my head. Think 'Shallow Hal' with 'the toe'.
I can totally relate to that part. Replace "gross feet" with any other fault lol.
Dude, I'm so in the same fucking boat. At the moment, I have this one girl ALL over me. I've just been putting her off while I "decide" if I really want to screw her. The truth is, I know I would never ever have any sort of meaningful relationship with her (she has nothing going on upstairs), but I still can't bring myself to just fuck her and get it over with. She has a rocking body though. Part of the reason is because we work at the same place and the last thing I want is people talking about it.
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Never lose faith!
Don't forget--Chris Martin is in a crap band, scores pretty low on the scale of attractiveness, and was a virgin until he was 25 or something, but now he bangs Gwyneth Paltrow on the regular.
And I'll add that as a girl, a guy being a virgin past what is seen as the "normal age" is not a big deal to me. I have several guy friends who are around your age and are still virgins, and I do not think any less of them. I probably even respect them a little more.
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doesn't mean they're not bloody awful...
Chris Martin isn't incredibly handsome, but he's far from pretty low on the scale. I'd rate him above average, 6-7/10 for sure.
legit account...i love Coldplay so your statement was lost on me. to the OP: keep your head up, the feeling would not be placed in your heart if it wasn't meant to be
the feeling would not be placed in your heart if it wasn't meant to be
Question: would you describe yourself as 'spiritual, but not religious'?
He's low on the attractiveness scale? I always thought he was pretty cute...
Hello present me that is two years older. It sucks, but I've learnt to just keep my chin up and try to be more outgoing. It's fucking tough, trust me, I'm an introvert and a loner, always have been, but I know that eventually when I do break free from my shyness and get out there, I'll finally have a girlfriend that I can hug.
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I felt the same way. I kinda started freaking out thinking "What if I don't find the man I'm going to marry in college? I will never find him! It's hopeless!" You know where I met my husband? In a pub in Scotland. I was out with friends, walked in, made eye contact, sat down and started talking to him (liquid courage). He was drinking a coke on his way home from work. We talked all night, and the next, and the next. Three months later we were on a long weekend trip to Amsterdam and he asked me to marry him. We now live in the US and have been married for almost 10 years. Don't give up hope, but don't focus on looking. It happens when you least expect it. . .
wish shit like this happens to me.
I'm done college. However, I want to go back for the sole reason of meeting people. Maybe pickup a writing course or something on the side as well. You aren't too old yet yourself to go get a course at a community college; get something that will have women in it; art, drama, music, etc are all great places to meet woman, this I know but haven't acted upon.
Dear Sir,
you seem like a genuinely good person and I hope you find your special lady. Rejection hurts like hell, but you've got to take that risk. Good luck.
I see so many happy couples around me and it burns me up inside.
Relationships aren't all fun and games man; it's something completely beyond that. You don't get into a relationship so you feel better about yourself.
I'm also 22 and this almost describes me. I hate who I am and how much of my life I have wasted. I don't see any possible way to change myself. I contemplate suicide almost daily. No joke.
Don't do it. You're still very young. You should take some solace in the people who post here and talk about losing their virginity at the age of 29 or 30. You will find that girl someday, too. Guaranteed.
Don't kill yourself because you feel invalidated by the women you have tried to interact with. Out there is a girl who WILL like, or better yet love you for who you are. Regardless of how much you hate yourself, there is no reason to give up. It can only get better from rock bottom, and there is no reason to give up.
Who gives a shit if you don't have sex? There is entirely too much of an emphasis put on that in our age bracket (I'm 24) Some day, you will find that girl you share a special connection with. Physically, emotionally, or both. Don't give up. Seriously.
Life is tough. But you've got to go out, and try to interact with people. Just find something that doesn't sound bad and go. Finding a woman seems impossibly hard. It will happen unexpectedly. When you do meet a girl who's kinda interested in you, don't say no. Also don't worry if she's not perfect.
Throughaway101 ... (in Barneys voice) I am going to teach you how to live.
We should create a subreddit.
Like you said, that whole "show her how cool you are by not caring thing" doesn't work. Just try to be yourself.
Ultimately, being yourself is the biggest form of confidence you can have. Girls love confidence (and not that faux bravado bullshit). Don't change your personality to get girls to find you interesting. If she doesn't like you for who you are, forget about her and keep on moving.
This isn't HUGELY important, but you need to have some form of physical relations if you want to build confidence in that department. It's a tough, awkward, and scary thing to do when you're insecure and have no experience, but you'll only remain scared if you keep sheltering yourself. I say it isn't hugely important because plenty of relationships start up before the whole physical thing becomes an issue. Just don't shut the whole operation down when the girl wants to take you home one night. It'll make her feel terrible and could kill the relationship.
I used to say the "specific tastes" thing until I realized it was my own lack of confidence that kept me from getting involved with this girl or that one.
I got on a soapbox for iknowdude so I'll keep it short. Chances are you lack some forms of self confidence, much like me. Don't be afraid to admit it. Just get out there, and don't let the story you have created for yourself run your life. You create those excuses because you are afraid of embarrassing yourself / getting rejected.
I could be entirely be wrong, but i'm saying all this because you sound a lot like I did when I was younger. I'm still working on it; Very much so... but the first thing I did was step out of my comfort zone. It's confidence building and will enable you to exceed the limitations you have set upon yourself.
Like you said, that whole "show her how cool you are by not caring thing" doesn't work
I kinda do it because I'm terrified she will find out.
Find out what? That you aren't experienced with girls? That you aren't "cool"?
Also, if you are extremely introverted, then don't entirely take my "don't change who you are" statement to heart too much. Social skills are important, and if you don't have them you will need to improve them.
My first advice is to start looking beyond appearance, and stop looking at people as an attractiveness quotient on a scale of one to ten.
I can't tell you how many stories I made up about getting laid before I actually did. I didn't lose my virginity till I was 21. Not quite the same, but allot of the same insecurities and shyness. Basically, it took a girl asking me out, dating me for a month, telling me she wanted to have sex, and then waiting until I was ready myself. We've been together three years now, and I'm really happy. I guess I'm posting this to let you know that there is always hope for us shy guys. You aren't ugly, and you're an interesting person because you're on reddit. It'll happen.
Dude, I'm 21, never had a girlfriend. Closest I've been is I have talked to a girl online (and via phone) consistsnly for about a year. I'm a skinny awkward kid with bad teeth so it was never a mystery on why girls didn't notice me. I tried playing the don't-give-a-fuck role for so long and that only leaves you immune to outside criticism. Girls don't want that. I turns out you (we) just have to pretend like this whole deal isn't a valid excuse and tryto keep it real.
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http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cl8a1/to_the_introverts_nice_guys_afcs_new_to_pickup/ download theses and listen a lot
Hey mate. I don't like to admit it but until recently (I was 21) I was a virgin too. really nice to everyone, not badly built, smart... I couldn't figure it out. So i went on the internets and found all the pickup and dating stuff and found that to be interesting and promising.. but in the end what I had to do was to change the whole way I behave and act and live. I literally changed my character, from the shy and internetty person I was to be much more sociable - and with that got loads of respect and attention and finally kissed a girl and she fell in love with me - and, after a while, me too, with her.
It really is a pain for me to say but I didn't do that alone. There's a lot of crap on the internet, but what got me good was a guy called David DeAngelo. Is program is really expensive but it' all over the net on rapidshare and megaupload (i suggest selfmadevip.com) - start reading his ebook (Double your Dating) and then work yourself through his videos. Avoid Real Social Dynamics, those are just fucking dicks who just depress you by telling you stories how they are so awesome.
I'm not some promoter, but that guy really helped change my life. If I had the money I would now buy the programs just to thank him. The book is everywhere, read it, try it and you'll be amazed.
And in the end, it's all about getting out there. But since you're shy fuck that shit with parties and clubs. But go to some meetings, e.g. college societies (not sports... they are too separate and you can't really talk) and get involved. meet people and you'll meet your someone. All the best!
sounds like me.
Many people think that I am very experienced with girls and sex. They'll ask me for advice on girls, either how to get a relationship or how to get laid. At least, my opinion seems to be good, because it generally works for them, and they come back.
I'm not very experienced at all.
I'm 21 and I can't accurately rate myself, but I'm sure I'm 7 or higher, somewhat outgoing, likeable, and I'm the same way.
I've had "flings" with girls and have gone as far as is possible without actually getting with a girl and that's the worst part. I've been so close and never made it. This is the closest I ever came:
My high school prom date was everything I could have ever asked for in a girl and we were totally hitting it off. After an amazing prom, we went back to a friends house and slept over. We slept in the same bed, wrapped around each other all night and all I could think about was how happy I was feeling a human body next to me and breath on my neck and smelling that perfume. It was just how I'd always imagined it would be. I was totally at peace with myself for the first time ever. Maybe that was what went wrong. Morning came too soon and before I knew it, we were getting up to go to breakfast and that's when I realized that, despite all the advances she had made (taking her bra off even) and hints that she had dropped, I hadn't bothered to make any sort of move on her.
I was, quite simply, too dazed by the event to make any sort of use of it.
The next few days, in my nervous haste, I completely butchered my attempt to make sure that I'd ever see her again or that we could possibly have a relationship. I made a total idiot out of myself and haven't seen her again (for more than 10 minutes) since.
And of all the years I've been alive, this incident is the only thing I regret.
Ever since then I've become sort of apathetic towards love as I realize that no girl I've met has been anywhere near as interesting as her. I am over her. I don't get any of those feelings any more when I think of her. But now I have something to compare other girls to. I know I should just settle or I'll end up inexperienced and alone, but I can't settle for less. I can't. Now I realize that as I get older, the spectrum of girls that I'd consider dating gets narrower and narrower and I am trapped in a cage that I've built with my own hands.
EDIT: I know I sound like a sad sack, especially with that overly poetic last line. But, dark inner secrets aside, I am pretty much always cheerful on the outside and of course I haven't given up hope. I mean there are so many fish in the sea that there has to be at least one that's right for me. Right?
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I lost my virginity at 23. I am now 28 and have yet to have sex for a second time. I have never had a girlfriend and only been on a date four times. I am not only shy, I am scared shitless about the whole dating thing. I get along fine with girls and some of my most intimate friends are ladies but as soon as there is the slightest sexual context, I just can't move. Rather than risking doing something wrong, I just don't do anything at all.
Nobody really knows all of this about my situation. I don't talk about it and people rarely ask directly about sexual/relationship matters. I am afraid of the moment when I finally become intimate with someone again that they would look at me like some sort of a freak because of my inexperience.
Oh, and I have a tiny penis. It is the size of a grape when flaccid but grows to 4.5 inches when erect. I was teased about this in elementary school which may have something to do with my massive insecurities.
Ask one of your friends to hook you up with a girl.
Seriously. They won't belittle you or anything. I'm sure you can think of one friend you can ask. Just ask, "Hey, can you think of any girls who you think I'd be good in a relationship with? I want something other than casual sex for awhile".
Or - Go to a party, get drunk, lose your inhibitions, and just go for a kiss with a girl after you've talked to her for over a minute. Trust me. A minute is really all you need when you're both drunk until you can get into a hot makeout session.
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Yup, unlike with girls, looks alone won't get a guy laid. Many good-looking guys find this out the hard way over time :(
wow, of all the threads i've seen this is by far the most "normal" one
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Certainly helped me, even if I didn't follow everything they said. Take the information that is useful for you, forget the rest.
Use alcohol to learn how to relax, then slowly start applying the relaxed behaviours you have when drunk to real life.
You'll soon learn to be charming and use any quirks or other potential negatives to your advantage.
I tied up and anally raped a Thai hooker, and left her tied up without paying.
[EDIT]
Ignore that, I forgot to create a throwaway account first.
Read this as left her "Thai'd up"
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rofl, good one
Aw sorry I read the original post before the [edit]. Darn.
Male or Female or Lady Boy?
I was in a hurry, running from the cops. Who really has time to check under those circumstances.
I hear that dude.
Cops never get there fast unless you're a celebrity and naked. Even then, look how long it took for them to get to David Carradine.
Umm, isn't there normally a * next to an edited post? Pick up your game, man.
[deleted]
If you edit in a small amount of time (I think first minute?) then there's no star. Try it.
2 minutes (ninja edit!)
You are indeed correct, sir. Odd.
It's lame because I can't do my recursion trick and magically link to my own comment without editting.
Looks like you're the only one to notice.
Ninja edit.
Wait was that sarcasm? If not, why would you do that to another human? Hell even hiring the hooker I can understand, but fuck dude, what is wrong with you?
Wait was that sarcasm?
Don't you know the differnce between sarcasm and hyperbole?
since you're not that great with identifying types of speech, that was a hypothetical question
Except you mean rhetorical, right?
Now you're just being sarcastic.
If you don't pay the hooker is it rape or theft of services?
Almost like a dine-and-dash at a restaurant?
I'm obsessed with Harry Potter fanfiction. The slashy kind, where my favorite male characters just fall in love and fuck. It gets me off more than anything else, makes me more emotional than any classic novel, entertains me more than anything else. I'm always thinking about it and spend most of my free time reading it, and when I'm doing something else, I'm daydreaming about it. I have more emotional attachment to these stories than almost anything else in life. I've probably read at least a thousand stories since I started a few years ago.
I'm a completely normal young woman with friends, a great job, good grades in my college classes. No one would ever expect it of me.
don't worry, that is a pretty tame fetish.
there are peple out there who like transvestites in high heels dry humping dead baby goats with an umbrella. lighten up.
That was oddly specific...
He knows me personally.
i was thinking of you, baby :)
Please, don't remind me of the putrid sex object. I'm trying to forget that clip.
i could dig that. are you just holding the umbrella while doing it? because that's hot.
I always wonder this about highly specific fetishes; can small details ruin the whole thing?
yes, if the umbrella is held sideways i can never get it up...
I love how you specified that they're wearing high heels, as if the fetish would have been completely normal if it was transvestites in flip-flops dry humping dead baby goats with an umbrella.
[deleted]
Link us so we can? :3
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Why, thank you! At Reddit, every stranger is a friend you haven't met yet!
You're a pal :-)
Oh, the power of Google. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5491816/1/Death_Eaters_Malfoy_Estate_1_The_Boiler_Room)
I've never read it, no! Is it on fanfiction.net?
If you tried, you could probably get 2 guys to dress up like some Harry Potters and act out a scene if you promised to fuck them.
Not at all my fetish, but with the right lady...I wouldn't have a problem.
My personal favorite is Joker fanfiction, where he ends up raping some chick and turning her into his personal assassin.
When the second Willy Wonka movie came out I used to read stupid Mary Sue fics where he'd take in some poor girl who was orphaned and fall in love with her. I love those. It got kind of weird though when some of the girls were like...13 or so.
I was a bit surprised when I realized how many Fred/George Weasley slash fics there were. But to be honest...they're pretty good.
I've considered writing fan fiction when I had a movie/anime/book I liked and there wasn't a raunchy enough story to read but...meh. I don't think anyone is interested in how I imagine a Wonder Woman/Batman relationship to be.
You'd be surprised at how many people would probably be interested. I mean, if there are people who like Fred/George Weasley slash, I'm sure there will be someone interested in your ideas. There's an audience for everything.
Very true. Hell, there's some freaky as shit fan fiction about Ron's love for Hedwig. Oh man, I'd love to find the link for that.
Oh god. I read a Snape/Giant Squid once. Never again.
When the second Willy Wonka movie came out I used to read stupid Mary Sue fics where he'd take in some poor girl who was orphaned and fall in love with her.
Aw, can you link one? I bet that would be cute.
This isn't technically what I described before, but it's about Willy Wonka meeting and eventually falling in love with the female health inspector.
Honestly I usually just search mature romances on fanfiction.net. Here's a link to that about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Plenty of Mary Sue's to look at!
That Joker fanfiction sounds pretty interesting actually. Mind linking it?
Dude, like a year ago I went searching for Batman/Wonder Woman fanfic. Hardly any to be found. I was bummed.
Really? I have a few chapters written out actually, but I don't know how to get the timing right. I mean Wonder Woman is way too powerful. Batman doesn't want to feel vulnerable, so why would he be attracted to Wonder Woman? Haha I've spent way too much time thinking about this.
Well, there actually have been a few instances where Batman and Wonder Woman dated briefly, notably in the JLA comics and also in the Justice League animated series. So there is a precedence set in source material. But if you're looking to engineer your own scenario independent of major storylines and arcs--i.e., take the idea of Gotham and Batman and so on, but not, say, the events of HUSH--then it could be easily managed.
One of Batman's biggest love interests is Catwoman/Selina Kyle and some would argue that the attraction there is due to the whole equal footing thing. Minus the bimbos Bruce dated in like, the 60s he has been attracted to powerful and independent women (Black Canary, Talia Al Ghul, Catwoman, etc.) and if we're talking powerful and independent women, Wonder Woman takes the cake.
Plus, don't give Batman too little credit. He's proved over and over he's got a "be prepared" strategy when it comes to fellow heroes--note the many instances of Superman ass-kicking. So I find it difficult to believe that he would feel threatened or intimidated by Wonder Woman. And depending on the direction of the story, you could easily turn it into a "the one person Bruce Wayne trusts/relies on/can be "weak" in front of. Mutual respect, y'know?
As for Wonder Woman being attracted to Batman... well, duh. He's one badass motherfucker who respects woman and doesn't treat her like a lightweight, plus he's got a totally bangin' bod. That's a no-brainer.
I think with the right scenario, you could very feasibly pull off a great B/WW. :)
I'm like this (but not with Harry Potter) but I'm a little more open about it. My very closest friends know I read it. If you'll notice this isn't a throwaway, but also no one I know uses reddit.
What do you ship? Everyone knows how much I love HP (having grown up reading it and all), but no one knows the extent of it. What do you friends say about it?
I don't read Harry Potter fics, I shift around depending on my interests. In chronological order, since I started read at about 13, I have been HEAVILY into: Inuyasha (Miroku/Kagome), Yu-Gi-Oh! (Yami/Yugi), My Chemical Romance (Gerard/Anyone), Twilight (don't judge me) (Edward/Bella).
Also, to a lesser extent, usually because there's just less of it out there: Supernatural (Sam/Dean), Dr. Horrible (Dr. Horrible/Penny), Big Bang Theory (Sheldon/Penny), Firefly (Simon/Kaylee), and Dr. Who (Dr. 11/Amy).
And that's just my favourite ships. When I'm in the mood for a change that shifts around too.
My friends just laugh. My general explanation is that there isn't enough of something I like, a show gets cancelled, a movie ends, or there's a plot line I'd like to see explored that won't be. Fanfiction satisfies this. It seems logical enough. They don't really know the extent of it either, but they don't need to. I write too sometimes, and had a moderately successful series a year ago. I keep that part more secret.
That's the same reason I got into it! There are so many other story lines that can come from the originals, and it seems like such a waste to not explore them, especially when we already know and love the characters. I'm too in love with them to be satisfied with just the books.
There are more than a thousand harry potter fan fics like that? At least you know that you share this fetish with lots of really devoted people. Gotta love the internet.
You wouldn't believe how many there are (there are 462,565 stories on fanfiction.com alone), and how many crazy pairings they come up with. I definitely don't doubt that there are TONS of other people who enjoy it as much as I do, but it's one of those things that shouldn't leave the internet. I wouldn't want my friends and family to know about it, but I enjoy the other crazy fangirls.
Reminds me of a cracked article where the internet goes down for a short time and people are forced to get their internet kicks in real life - leading to the downfall of civilization. I feel like I wouldn't want to read fanfic of my favorite series lest I not be able to unread it.
Honestly, there are some stories out there that are insanely good. Like novel-length, could-be-published kind of stories. Those are the ones that really stick with me and I always go back to. The hot ones are good for getting off and all that, but I always go back to the same few that I really, really love because of the amazing plots and characterizations.
Holy fuck, 462,565? Jeebus. What's the craziest pairing you've seen?
Snape/Giant Squid. He fell in love, had sex with, and was impregnated by the Giant Squid that lives in the lake.
I wish I could forget it.
crosses fingers for Scabbers and Crookshanks
Yes. There were OVER 9000 HP fanfics like that in 2003. I read most of them at that time, as I was insanely bored and it gave me something to talk about with that cute chick.
I think you know that a ton of young women love HP slashfics, otherwise they wouldn't be so popular. I still like it a lot, but it doesn't have as much of a hold as it used to.
I dunno how to say it, but if I met you and you told me you liked Harry Potter, I would ask if you read fic and I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised to find out you were waaayy into slash. In other words, I would probably expect it of you :P
(OTP? Favorite kinks? C'mon, you can tell us...)
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I couldn't remember my throwaway username to save my life and it just hit me now. If the stupid search engine wasn't so horrendous I could have just searched for this post, but you know how it is haha.
Like you said, I really can't feel too awful about it, because there are literally thousands of fics, and that's only on one website. I think the only reason I feel uncomfortable talking about it is because it's just something that nobody talks about. And it's the sex. Most girls I know would never admit to watching/reading porn and I'm no better. It's true that I read it for the emotional enjoyment more than the sex, but that's not what people think about when they hear about slash. But really, it's so whatev in the grand scheme of dirty little secrets.
I'm all about RL/SS and RL/SB. Those are the two that I love, love, love. I enjoy pretty much any male/male pairing that involves Remus Lupin, such as RL/DM, RL/LM, or RL/RB, but RL/SS an RL/SB are what I always go back to.
Kinks? Face fucking, rough sex, and noncon. Detailed and dirty.
:D
I'm love RL/SB, but like you, I'll read just about anything. Do you have any fic recs? Of the pairings you listed, I've really only read one shots except for RL/SB. And even then I've only really read SBP and Stealing Harry in terms of long fics. I'd be interested in some good RL/SS... And I find RL/DM intriguing; I've never read that before.
Sometimes I feel like I've read so much I don't have particular kinks anymore since I'll read practically anything.
But like you said, it is more about emotional than sexual enjoyment... though the sexual enjoyment is definitely still there. I'd say a good portion of the R/S fic I've read is fluff and I like it. I'm also a pretty big H/D fan. Quality of Mercy and Drop Dead Gorgeous are favorites of mine.
Anyway, I've found that interacting with fandom has made me a lot more comfortable discussing it in real life. I don't go into all the details with the uninitiated, but I've come to appreciate how widespread fandom (not specifically Harry Potter) is. At any rate, I'm not embarrassed to talk about fic and even pairings I ship if I decide someone is geeky enough to understand.
Haha yeah, at this point anything goes. Once you've read everything, you love just about anything you can get your hands on.
I'm the same way. The sex is cool, but it's really all about the fluff. I mean, I like things to be a bit angsty and realistic, but I'm not going to love it unless there's a happy ending. I just want to read about cute boys in love haha.
The only really good RL/DM fic I've found is called Midst of Life. It's so, so amazing.
I actually had someone message me asking for my favorite fics, so I'm just going to copy and paste it here. These are the ones that I always go back to. Something that I really recommend that's not listed here is checking out ReeraTheRed on fanfiction.net. She's written a series of three stories that start off as RL/SS friendship during the war and end as a relationship, although in a very original way. She's a wonderful writer and these stories are so good. I really can't say enough to do them justice, especially with how original the story line is. Anyways, here's the list!
Remus/Sirius:
Momentum
My all-time favorite. 48 chapters and completely epic-it seriously changed me a little bit; it's that amazing.
Summary: An epic tale of Remus and Sirius's lives, starting from the very beginning. A love that carries on through trials, tribulations, and war. R/S
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2857261/1/Momentum
All Kidding Aside
Very funny, with just enough I'm-just-figuring-out-I'm-in-love-with-my-male-best-friend angst to make it absolutely perfect. This one has me laughing every time. Only 12 chapters, so it's a faster read.
Summary: When Lily jumps to conclusions about Remus and Sirius, the duo decide to get revenge on her, James, and Peter with a wonderful joke. However, they wind up getting more than just a good laugh.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2685324/1/All_Kidding_Aside
Of Streetlamps and Streetwalkers
One of the funniest stories I've read. It's AU (alternate universe), so there's no magic and has nothing to do with HP outside of the characters. There are multiple sequels, and all of them are very good.
Summary: Detective Remus Lupin just wants to do his job. Millionaire Sirius Black just wants to be a Good (if a bit drunk) Samaritan. They both get more than they bargained for.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3257939/1/
Territory
Another one I love. A quick read and very funny.
Summary: Sirius is very fond of his flat, the only problem being that Remus is always there. Pre-Azkaban.
Link: http://kabeyk.livejournal.com/25545.html
Remus/Severus
Feels Like A Dream
Not too long, a little dark, but with a lot of hope. Very good.
Summary: What if James and Lily decided on a backup plan and Remus gets custody of Harry instead of the Dursleys? Enter one confused Remus Lupin, a scowling Severus Snape, shitty Ministry laws and a twinkling Albus Dumbledore. Snape/Lupin
Link: http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=14287&chapter=1
Tangerine
Dark, sad, amazing. Probably my favorite right now.
Summary: Sirius' recent death has hit Remus hard. Feeling hopeless and alone, and desperately seeking a way to blot out his grief, Remus focuses his attention on a dangerous mission; a mission that sets off a surprising course of events. Set just after OotP. Drama/Romance/and maximum angst!
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5220953/1/
Therapy
Omg, so funny. I'm sure you've noticed by now that I like my fics funny, and this is a good example. It's stupid and entertaining, but still well-written. Pretty short.
Summary: Severus is forced to go to therapy to deal with his anger.
Link: http://www.ssf-moonshadow.com/archive/archive/1/therapy.html
Compulsion
This one is an AU, where the guys are figure skaters. Okay, so I know that sounds dumb, and believe me, I thought it would be, but it's so good. They're so in character and the author put a lot of research into this story, which makes you appreciate the sport, even if you never really had an interest (like me).
Summary: Two champions; one disgraced by scandal, the other hiding a secret. Two very different men, who share a single goal - to become the greatest figure skater in the world. Can they also accept that they share a common passion... each other?
Link: http://community.livejournal.com/lupin_snape/574114.html
If you end up liking RL/SS, there's a whole website of fics called Moonshadow. They're all very good and encompass every genre there is.
I hope you enjoy these! Let me know what you think if you ever read any!
[deleted]
Yeah, the fact that it's not something I do, just something I read, makes me feel better about it. No one else is involved, no one is hurt by it or anything, so it's pretty tame as far as dirty secrets go. I just feel gross because my favorite childhood book has somehow become this really sexual thing to me over the years, and I don't know how it happened. And if anyone ever found out, it would ruin me. I'm that super sweet, innocent girl that doesn't talk about sex, doesn't swear, anything like that, and yet I'm obsessed with what is basically porn.
Ah well, girls will be girls... emotional porn for us, more sexual smut for the boys.
This reads exactly like a family friend of mine... You wouldn't happen to be Indian would you?
Not Indian, no. :)
Was it romantic Harry Potter sex or violent gay pain shame sex? Cause one of those I could understand and the other one is disgusting to me. And you may just be surprised as to which is which ;)
Both! Depends on what kind of mood I'm in. More often than not, I like it pretty dirty, but I still melt with the super sweet, lovely-dovey crap.
I put on my robe and wizard hat...
Is that a wand there or are you just happy to see me?
Dude, that's very, very vanilla. Half of my friends openly did that shit. Hell, I even wrote a few parodies of the worst that I saw (though I stuck to het).
So yeah, I expect that every person steeped in Internet culture went through a phase where they wrote their Harry/Draco magnum opus and posted it to positive reviews.
Now, on the other hand, try admitting publicly that you still ship Harry/Hermione. That will get you some very strange looks.
so if some dude was into harry potter cosplay, would that be a good thing, or not the same?
Not the same. It's the guy on guy that gets me off more than anything, so the fact that I'm a girl would ruin it. If that makes sense.
huh. it makes sense. i find it odd, of course, but more power to you. do you write your own stuff as well?
No, I've never written anything myself. I've always kind of wanted to, but I guess I'm trying to hold off on that one last bit that will officially make me a crazy fangirl.
How do I find girls like you locally....
Haha I'm sure we're everywhere. We're bound to be with all the thousands of fics there are.
Haha. Luckily you'll probably never run out of material. Ever tried writing any yourself? I used to read a lot of FF7 fan-fiction back in the day. Actually, I confess that some of my sexual fantasies are still played out with Final Fantasy 7 characters. And this isn't even a throwaway!
I've never written anything, no. I've wanted to, but I've never had the time to sit down and really plan out anything that would be worth writing. Maybe someday.
oh jesus, me too. It's awful. I've slowed down a bit because my writing standards went up after reading The Shoebox Project and everything by l3petitemort over at livejournal (SOOO GOOOOOD), but I'm always looking for new stuff to read. A couple of friends know I read fanfiction, but they don't know I read the RAUNCHY stuff.
You know, the Shoebox Project was one of the ones I was never able to get into. I read the whole thing and really enjoyed the layout, pictures, all that, but Idk. The story didn't really stick with me. Other than Remus and Sirius falling in love I can't even remember what happened.
But I get what you mean-sometimes I read old ones I used to love and can't believe I was able to stomach the horrible writing. When I was younger I loved everything I read, but now I have to really search to find a well-written, believable story.
Wanna get together sometime?
Hah. Me too. I'm not even making a throwaway to admit this. Whatever, I fuckin' looove Harry Potter.
My favorite is DM/HG, so much drama.
That's why I RL/SS. The drama and angst! It's so good.
This isn't the worst thing I've done, but it's something I'm willing to tell Reddit. I had been broken up with my boyfriend for almost a year and I still wasn't over it. I knew his passwords for everything so I constantly checked out what he was doing on a day to day basis. Anyway, I was really vulnerable and was willing to sink even lower than I already had.
One day I get a call from my ex-boyfriend's brother. Huge shock. I have no idea how he got my number. He starts telling me how horrible his brother is and how shitty I was treated. He then goes into a tirade about his ex-girlfriend and how much of a bitch she is.
We decided to become fuck buddies. We have sex a few times in a hotel. After a few of our meet ups, I get depressed. I tell him I can't see him anymore and I leave. After driving a good 20 minutes I realize he doesn't have a way to get home from the hotel, so I drive back. Once I get there, he's completely wasted, literally sobbing on the phone to his ex-girlfriend. I'm petrified. I have no idea where he got alcohol from.
I can hear his girlfriend telling him on the phone how stupid he was for being with someone who was such a "whore" and he's telling her, "I know, I know she's a whore." He realizes I'm there, and tells me that we're through, and that we can't have sex anymore. I have no idea what drove me to do it, but I grabbed the phone, and told her, "Don't fool yourself, we're going to have sex all night." She freaks, and I hang up and turn off his phone.
Meanwhile, he's drunk and his face is still covered in tears. He keeps telling me that we can't have sex, and I start taking my clothes off. I won't go into the details, but in the end, we had the dirtiest, most shameful sex either of us has ever had. I mean, it was really good.
Only afterwards did I feel like a rapist. I talked to friends about it, and they said that it was totally rape, since he was drunk and I was completely sober. Once the guy sobered up, he just told me to take him home. I felt terrible.
TLDR; My ex-boyfriend's brother and I become fuck buddies. He drunkenly gets back together with his GF over the phone, and I fuck the shit out of him despite his state of mind.
I'm a male who's been raped before. I don't imagine it's nearly as traumatic as it is for many women (mental conditioning to such a thought), but it really left me feeling shitty and empty. I was mad about it and at the same time just sad. I didn't know what to do. I never told anyone about it. Hi, reddit.
Hey! Sorry to hear about that though it sounds rough. You should do an Q&A in IAMA, that'd be really interesting if you're up for it.
Don't be so sure. I've had an experience many would consider rape but I don't because I really was not emotionally bothered at all.
I can understand why you didn't know what to do - there's a general myth that society only cares about women who have been raped (and even then, people don't care very much, and try to weasel out of convicting the perps). At the very least, you could have called the Samaritans, who would have had a list of resources for you. FWIW, I am sorry this happened to you.
Not an ideal introduction to Reddit, but it'll do!
This happened to me once, on planet Amazonia.
I know your username from somewhere.
Do you post on OT or NN?
caledon heath beater?
If you were a dude and he was a chick this would sound so much worse. That isn't to say that what you did wasn't really terrible though.
I know, and that's so fucked up. I even told myself that it wasn't rape until I imagined to scenario with the gender roles switched. Only then did I realize how shitty what I did was.
I feel bad for this guy, he was drunk and couldn't think clearly. Just like a child, a submissive little child. You raped a child.
Oh, if only you knew. There's a hell of a lot more to the story. He definitely isn't just a child. I'm not saying what I did wasn't wrong, but he's done his fair share of shitty things.
You raped a child.
I think you went just a little too far there, mate.
She calls you a whore.
You tell her not to fool herself.
You rape her ex who is also your ex's bro.
You sure showed her!
No, I didn't do it to show her. I did it because I was annoyed that I wasn't going to be able to fuck him anymore.
Don't take his post too far to heart. You accepted what you did, you shared in this thread and it's appreciated and, hopefully, good for you.
True. What I really wanted to get across was that I wasn't motivated by my jealousy for his ex. I had no jealousy. The relationship was entirely about sex, and it pissed me off that he wouldn't want to fuck me anymore. It was shitty. But I wasn't trying to "show" anyone anything.
That is hot...
second boner i get with this thread
PURE GOLD!!
Do you mind raping me?
I really hope the first wasn't from the 'ate a sausage from my ass' post.
Yikes.
Well shit. What's the worst thing you've done?
I've got a few stories.
...so...
???
Meaning, I'm not going to disclose them on Reddit. It'd take way too long to type up.
[deleted]
giggedy giggedy aalllllll riiiiiiight
That is mean, crazy, slightly degrading...but yet it makes a great story
I suppose. I think I'd feel worse about it if I never spoke to him again. We actually ended up hooking up a few times after the incident. He broke up with his girlfriend because he was "bored with her" and she ended up becoming a stripper. We still talk and...yikes. He's crazy manipulative and strings women along until the point that they think they're going to marry him and say they'll never leave him, and then he gets bored and leaves. I know it's probably not a good idea for me to think this way, but the fact that he's kind of a shitty person too makes me okay with what happened between us.
Plus I'm married now so my batshit crazy side has (mostly) disappeared.
Sounds like everything ended up for the better...ish
[deleted]
I want friends like you, seriously.
As a guy... I would not mind being raped in that situation.
That really doesn't sound like rape to me.
The biggest thing that makes me feel like it wasn't consensual was that he was completely wasted, and I was sober.
I've had sex while I've been completely blackout wasted, with the spins, with sober women, and it's completely A-OK. If the man can become tumescent, I say it's consensual.
I suppose it depends on the person. In the court of law, I'm sure I could be convicted of something if he wanted to press charges.
The worst thing I've done is urinate in a dark alley... I need more excitement in my life.
Oh god... wtf is wrong with you?!
I'm a monster! Don't look at me!
blocks face with outstretched palms
[deleted]
I saw you too!
In Madison?
After reading more than half of the replies in this thread before this one, this cracked me the fuck up. I love you, you delicious messiah.
I was the guy with my hands in my pockets.
What, are you like Swedish or something? Those guys are just too nice...
Way to take it too far sicko. You know my kids read reddit and this is inappropriate for them.
You say that like the rest of this thread is not inappropriate for them.
Don't tell me how to raise my kids. They are a very mature for 6 and 7 years old.
I fail at sarcasm. :(
That's the joke.
The sad part is I know someone who got arrested and put on the sex offender registry for peeing in an alley.
That is Absolutly Ridiculous!
Public exposure, indecent exposure, indecent behavior, lewd and lascivious behavior.
Take your pick. Public prosecutors have a guaranteed conviction if they pursue any or all of those charges. God help you if there was kid, bus stop, daycare, church, school, or school bus stop within 1000ft because then there's even more charges.
Most of the time they'll charge you with multiple of them so they can scare you with a 5-10 prison sentence into pleading guilty to at least one of them. You're still left with a misdemeanor conviction and a sex offender registration requirement. The prosecutor pads their record and you're fucked for life because even though you're only on the public registry for 2 years, there are private databases that keep records forever; which means your name is on Google paired with 'sex offender' forever, and some companies are now offering people to search archived sex offender lists that never remove names so they can see everybody ever registered.
That'll teach you not to piss behind a dumpster in back alley where nobody can see. You should just piss yourself instead.
What? but where else is a drunk man to pee? I hate queuing a LOT.
I read that as "excrement"
You need more excrement in your life!
Also, DairyProducts, I think you and I are nemeses!
urinated off the great wall of china, urinated off our college's engineering building, and urinated with a marine staff sgt shouting words of encouragement over my shoulder.
best 3 pees of all time.
It's decided then. We shall each embark on a urination-themed world tour. Whoever urinates on/off/near the most major world landmarks wins.
Urinated on the Champs-Élysées right up against Loius Vuitton.
Admittedly it was during the start of the Paris Marathon and I was among a dozen other blokes but hey, THAT was the best pee of my life.
For those inexperienced in the ways of mass participation running finding somewhere to pee at the start of an event is absolutely essential. Now when 35,000 people all need to pee in 15 minutes, picture a literal river of urine flowing down the footpath.
One night, after hours of booze and cocaine, a male friend and I had a devil's threesome with a craigslist prostitute. It was fantastic.
She only charged for thirty minutes but stayed for three hours.
What's a devil's threesome?
MMF.
actually its MFM
AKA Tag team
[deleted]
Two guys, one girl. Me and the other guy are male, and she was female.
edit: but there wasn't any gay stuff.
Too late for editing.
damn!
You know, something about two guys being naked next to each other with their dicks plugged into the same being rings up as a little gay to me.
That's because you are a close-minded individual with a fear of being perceived as gay. Insecurity is a bitch, aint it?
Two guys and one girl.
The Wobbly H
Super WTF? I'm sorry but is getting a hooker off craigslist so bad you can't admit it? Really? Oh, wow I really should be ashamed of how I spent every weekend from 1997 - 2008.
Thanks I feel so dirty now.
You spent that time canvassing neighborhoods for the Republican Party, didn't you?
no
I wore a monocle once.
Keep'n it classy.
This happened ages ago.
yeah it was like shit...3 or 4 months ago now.
Does that change the classy factor at all?
Answer: no
[deleted]
Huh. I had the same on cocaine. Should stay off that shit.
That's not a threesome. If you guys go one at a time it's a train and if you do it at the same time with her then it's gay sex with a girl in the room.
i have never been able to shake this belief from my mind.
I am a 24yo male, and I use Private Browsing mode in firefox for two things... Porn, and (completely tame) iCarly fanfiction.
And now posting this, I guess.
As a foreign redditor I had no idea what iCarly is, so I went to the official website and now I'm even more confused. I do want some zuchinni though...
It's a TV show about kids who make a web TV show. iCarly is the name of the actual show and also the name of the show they make on the show.
Okay, so after explaining that I can definitely see why you would be confused.
Yo dawg, I heard you like shows so we put a show in your show so you can...
Nevermind.
You get an E for effort.
Thanks... I think!
i enjoy iCarly and porn too. what's weird?
edit: oh yeah, the fanfiction part
I, SIR, ENJOY SOME iCARLY FANFIC MYSELF.
I don't know, but erotic iCarly fanfic seems less weird than just stories about the kids doing the same stuff as on the show. I mean, I at least can understand the former.
iCarly? Rofl.
[deleted]
How can you even invoke the term rape if you were conscious, sober and didn't indicate you weren't okay with what was happening?
[deleted]
I am now 29 and I went through a similar patch in my early twenties. Okay I'm not pretty enough to get rich men to fall in love with me, but I know exactly what you mean by feeling raped and not being able to say no, and feeling like you deserve to feel like that.
I am much healthier and happier now. I am telling you this because I want you to know that you have a choice. It will be hard, but you can decide to live your life differently. You can decide that you deserve better.
What was the turning point for me was the help of a good therapist. I didn't even need to see her for very long. That and actually wanting to learn to love myself.
I know I am going to get flamed for this. But you are the reason that rape victims get the hard time they do.
You say you were raped, but were you dragged into a bush down a dark alley? No. You most probbally knew the guy, knew his name and gone back with him to his house or whatever.
Also you complain about been "raped" but will sell your body to men for drugs?
Sorry but people like you get what they deserve, there is help available if you want to sort yourself out but you obviously want to keep getting dick for drugs so good riddance.
[deleted]
Wow, this is one of the better stories. It sucks that you had to pay for your addictions wih a physical price. How are you doing now?
[deleted]
I can't figure out if you want to change these things or not.
...I think I deserve it.
Sounds like you inflict a lot on yourself because of this feeling. I think you need to get off of thinking so much about yourself and actually help others. Go volunteer to help build houses in Africa or something. Join the Red Cross. Get away from your current scene and help others.
You still do coke? That's a shame... :(
[deleted]
Oh, much better since she posted.
Will you marry me?
hmm, kind of need your advice on something.
one girl that i am very very close with seems very similar to you. she grew up in boarding school. rich parents gave her tons of money but they were never there as actual parents. grew up with the wrong crowd. used to do drugs and smoke and really promiscuous.
we met a while back. i think at first, she was into me cause i'm the only guy she ever tried to "catch" who refuse to have sex with her. she's gorgeous btw, but something about thinking that she's had more than 100 guys at the age of 21 turns me off.
ever since we started hanging out, she supposedly is more into Christianity. Her parents divorced, she never sees her dad or her mom. she's saying all the time that i'm some sort of really good influence on her, which i think i might be. but shit.
anyways, she goes paranoid every now and then that i'm going to gossip about all her dark secrets. she's really really not relationship material, but she has got me pretty attached to her.
so if u were in her shoes, what do you think she really wants? she's been clean, and hasn't smoked, and doesn't drink anymore. seems big steps. but she refuses to do well in school for some reason, even though she's really smart.
[deleted]
shit ... uhm
so my ex who I was with for a while, who turned into a total psychopath, was gossiping lies about me after we broke up.
so, my ex basically told her that I actually hated her, that I didn't really care about her as a human being and that I was just using her, and that I thought she was a whore, scumbag, etc etc etc etc. really reallllly bad stuff.
so this girl basically had a really bad breakdown, because after her parents divorced, I was like, one of the few (if not the only person) who believed in her and told her she should hang in there. (also, she left behind tons of old friends that were bad influences on her and tried to start again. International student too) I knew for a while that she probably did some prostitution on the side cause of her egregious spending habits, but anyways, she just disappeared for a while and nobody knew where she was.
later on, she reappeared. apparently, she was traveling in a few cities, and had some "friends" she was staying with. so this was a year or 2 ago. my ex messed up my shit a lot too, so it took me a while to get my own shit together.
now I'm wondering if I should do anything, or just let it pass. on the one hand, i'm moving on, and i bet the experience was horrible for her, and I don't want to open old wounds. on the other hand, I just feel like crap that such a good thing had to end so badly, and I feel bad about it in general.
[deleted]
Terrible story, thanks for sharing though.
I don't mean to belittle you but I'm genuinely curious: how could you possibly not think you're bulimic? You intentionally vomit because of concerns about your weight or what you eat. That's bulimia, end of story. It's not like simple anorexia where there's technically room for argument.
Reading that book right now. Very apt choice in name.
are you like a thin tall model-type fashion-art-music-club-ista in NYC?
I have been 'raped' about 8 times, by 8 different men. I knew what I was doing, I was sober. I didn't say no.
Then you weren't raped. You just had sex you regret.
I am rich, not ugly, and have access to a lot of coke.
Let's fuck.
[deleted]
I know I'm not, but sadly, I kind of wish I was.
In a different context, that would be funny (or at least tolerable). But this is a real person, with real pain. Jokes like that aren't appropriate here.
Why, should we avert annakarenina's eyes from the truth she already knows? I think she's accepted her circumstances and is trying to improve them.
The joke did suck though.
Your problem is that you are so nice, you think anyone being an asshole online must be joking.
I was lying about the coke, but I'm sure I can change that.
Sorry for the late reply, this was a throwaway account I just remembered about.
why do i feel like i know you? are you in NY?
Create a throwaway account and admit your most personal secrets! Now tell us who you are!
When I was 13 or 14 I was standing at a buss stop going to a brithday party.
It was in a relatively rural part of my town.
I saw two guys (maybe 16 or 17) draggin a screaming girl into a little forest-part, maybe 100 meters away from me. They didn't see me.
I was totally overflown with fear, quickly starred in the other direction and pretended nothing has happened for the rest of the day and went on to go to the birthday party. I feel so horrible about it. I just hope nothing bad has happened to the girl, but it probably has.
I hope I will never be this weak again in my life.
On the plus side, you may have died back then too, and then all the good stuff you've done since would never have happened.
kind words, well spoken
Is that when you decided to become a superhero?
That sucks, I'm sorry. People react strangely in scary situations.
This one terrifies me, nothing terrifies me more than stuff like this. You were young, so whatever. But I too hope you will never be that weak again.
He did the right thing. There were two guys, either of which probably could've beaten him to a pulp with their bare hands. Plus, given that they were clearly criminals, they probably had weapons. He couldn't really have done anything to help, given that I'm sure he didn't have a cellphone back that.
Of course he didn't do the right thing, he should have gone for help. Told someone.
I think everyone needs to remember that this was in a rural area with no grown-ups, he was a teenage kid, and there were no mobiles back then- if it was around 10-15 years ago.
Holy shit. I read this and wanted to cry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
You were a kid, that was a coping mechanism.
Don't worry. That's a typical response from most humans. Unless you're trained to act, you will usually get the "deer in headlights" mode.
You're a pussy.
Everyone dowvoted you because a lot of redditors would have acted the same way.
He's a pussy that's alive today, as opposed to a brave, dead 13-year-old.
Fuck off pufflekun pussy.
I was really wasted one night and this good-enough-looking chick was passed out on the floor. I tried to wake her up because I was horny and wanted her to suck me off. She wouldn't wake up, so I beat off and came all over her face. All went down while she was sleeping, and she never even budged.
you're a rapist.
I don't know that I'd say rape...
Sexual battery is more like it.
And (I'm going to hell) It sounds like it was batter-y indeed...
Depends on the jurisdiction and their definition of rape. Some states have eliminated a penetration requirement at all.
Tastes just like chicken.
Yeeaaahhh!
No, that's fucking rape.
maybe? waking up with cum on my face sounds more like a minor annoyance than anything else...
[deleted]
It depends on the state. CT passed legislation a while back saying this is in fact rape because somebody did this exact same thing.
Legally or not, there's not a whole lot more someone could do to me to make me feel more sexually violated.
Are you serious? Cum on your face? There's a thousand things someone could do that, trust me, would make you feel a hell of a lot more violated. Yeah it's fuckin disgusting, but at the end of the day semen is just bodily fluid. If I pissed or shat on somebodys face would that count as rape as well? Don't insult ACTUAL rape victims by comparing something like this to rape.
, said probemaster
maybe you should withhold judgement given your choice of username ;)
Says "ProbeMaster"...
She never said no...
Damn, I thought I was an asshole...
[deleted]
I wonder what she thought it was when she woke up.
"ugh someone put yogurt on me while i was sleeping"
>_>
"Why does this keep happening!?"
Was I swimming last night? I smell chlorine.
you know, i always smelled that scent but could never pin it down. thank you.
Hell, I thought you were going to say you fucked her while she was passed out.
[deleted]
I rig the NBA and don't care if the referees have ties with the mob. As the great Wu-tang Clan once said, Cash Rules Everything Around Me.
CREAM?
GET THE MONEY!
DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL
AL SHARPTON FOR PRESIDENT!
They told me to diversify my bonds.
As a former baseball umpire, I was told to consolidate my Bonds, I Rose to the challenge.
[deleted]
TELL ME, WHERE ARE YOU MAKING LEBRON GO? we all know you want him in a big market
Anyone with half a brain knows that all professional sports are rigged anyway. You don't leave shit like that to chance...lots of money and/or ratings are at stake.
[deleted]
I don't believe it.
OP DELETED COMMENT, HERE IS A COPY:
I've never admitted this before. It tears me up every day, the guilt is eating me alive. Maybe this will be cathartic for me. I hope so.
A several years ago, I encountered this homeless woman who was new to the area I worked. She didn't look too raggedy (yet) so I felt a bit of compassion. Gave her some cash, and she just started talking to me. Pouring her whole story out, you know? I ended up taking her to breakfast even though it made me late to work. A few days later, I ran into her again. She was looking stressed, worse than before... downtrodden. She was starting to get that hopeless look in her eyes.
I couldn't stand it. I had to go to work, but I swore to her that afterwords I would help her out. "Just stick around" I told her. She did. I took her to my house to get her cleaned up, maybe help her find a job. You've got to believe me, I had nothing but the best intentions.
We get to my house (I live alone) and she is incredibly grateful and very apologetic for imposing on me. Of course I shrug the latter off, and show her around the house, set her up in the guest room and such. While she is taking a shower upstairs, I start cooking dinner. When she's done and has gotten dressed, she smells the food, starts to come downstairs... and falls. I have no idea how she managed to hit her head hard enough on my carpeted stairs to do it, but she got knocked right the hell out.
Now, before I tell the rest of this story: She had just finished taking a shower, so her hair was wet and shimmery a weird little turn on for me. She was wearing one of my old button down shirts and her short shorts... sexy. She wasn't covered in dirt anymore, and looked amazing compared to how she looked on the streets. In fact, she looked like she was 25 instead of the 45 she looked before.
I rush over and try to see if I can help her. I do all the panicky stuff, and try to get her pulse and stuff. I think she's dead. I flip out. I try to do mouth to mouth (because, you know... that works for head trauma). A few minutes of this and finally I give up. Then I realize I have a massive boner. Then I fuck her.
Twice.
Then she wakes up.
...
So, um... what would you do if this homeless chick who you thought was dead... and you had fucked... twice... woke up in the middle of the second boning? It scared the shit out of me, and I punched her as hard as I could, just a reflex. She passes out again and I am starting to realize how fucked I am now... if anyone finds out.
Nobody found out.
There's still a copy of it on his user page for some reason
http://www.reddit.com/user/DidNotMakeThisUp
Habeeb it.
Twinkie house!
Does this mean we're friends now?
This is by far the best post in a long time, and I've been a very active lurker.
Vote this nigger up
How can you be an ACTIVE lurker. That's an oxymoron.
I don't know but his whole comment made me laugh, sometimes the most obvious trolls are the most funny.
Wait...then what did you do with her?
[deleted]
Oh my god. You monster. I haven't been the victim of such a successful Bel Aire in forever.
It's in the middle, too. Very well done indeed.
OP DELETED COMMENT, HERE IS A COPY:
Well... that's kind of the part that I didn't really want to talk about. I suppose that somewhat defeats the whole point of it being cathartic though, so, here goes:
I had just knocked her out, and was panicking. I decided it would be a good idea to tie her arms up with my old shirt. I still wanted to finish the, um... deed. I mean, I was still in her! So I tied her arms up and finished. By time she finally came to a second time, I had her firmly secured to the guest bed with a gag in her mouth. I had already decided I had to kill her, but I didn't know how.
I mean, if I had had any brains at all, I would have just suffocated her before she woke up again and been done with it, but noooo. I was still on a "I just raped a girl and the police haven't burst in the door" high. I just sat there and stared at her for awhile, because I couldn't believe what I had just done, or what I was contemplating doing.
She woke up then. Me, sitting in my chair thinking... staring creepily. Her vagina full of my semen. A gag in her mouth. Tied to a bed. I have no idea how anyone could have handled that. She started screaming through the gag, thrashing about. I thought she might break the bonds at first, but I had tied her pretty well... she wasn't getting anywhere. I didn't say anything, didn't do anything, just watched her struggle. I got turned on again. There's nothing like the thrill of a struggling woman underneath you. Seriously.
Then, after the third time in 5 hours... I decided I needed to end things. I went into the kitchen, got a knife, and slit her throat. I closed my eyes when I did it which made it a million times worse, because I kind of missed the first time. Hit her shoulder and only nicked her neck. Blood was everywhere. I finally managed it the second time. She squirmed all over the bedding for much, much longer than I expected. I threw up twice.
She finally died, and I felt cold. Numb all over. I loosed her bonds, and wrapped her up in the bedding. I threw up probably ten times that night. Once, all over her body. That made me feel worse than anything else. I dragged her body in the bedding outside and I whistled for a cab. When it was close, I realized that he had a novelty plate that read "fresh" (which I thought was ironic, given my cargo) and he had dice in his mirror (which was just tacky). I suppose that a cab that late at night was rare, but I thought "eh, forget it... go to the docks".
I got to the lake real late and I sent my driver home. I looked around and it was clear that I had finally arrived at the destination at which I needed to finish this thing. I got in my motorboat, drove out to the middle of the lake, and dumped her body. I leaned back on my captain's chair after the deed was done and congratulated myself on a successful crime. I was like some damned prince of crime.
A two parter, that's just wrong.
Yeah, only he's pulling a Bill Murray Bel Air. The story is real and now nobody will believe it just because the last paragraph has a Bel Air reference.
No one on the internet who has the skills cares enough to pull it off.
I don't get it... Dexter? Bel Air? What?
[deleted]
I was starting to have flashbacks from reading pages on Freenet. Is that even still around?
What if this isn't a joke. It's a pretty morbid joke.
So wait... with that last line does that mean he made the entire thing up? Or is it true?
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I don't get the Bel Aire reference. Can someone 'splain me?
My fucking god.
You sick, sick bastard.
I like your style.
you mother fucker. Amazing. Perfect execution. Never been had like that in my life.
Ok. What am I missing here?
I see what you did there
At first I was like :^0 and then I was all like :^D
Clever girl.
I think you made this up.
[deleted]
you magnificent bastard.
well played
you asshole
damn you got me
...Oh god.
And I know I must believe you. Your username says so.
My troll-sense was tingling during the first post and the second post confirmed it.
I totally agree. No one confesses shit like this like it was nothing. Any third-rate novelist could have wrote a much more believable first-person dialogue...like James Patterson.
Best thing I have ever read on reddit ever... EVER!!!
You are amazing. You should write columns for 4chan professionally.
bestof'd
You are a monster. Upvotes all around.
You amazing son of a bitch.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Dexter?
Dude, Dexter would never, ever RAPE someone.
[deleted]
That was beautiful....
belaires and practical joking is one thing....trolling about rape and murder is too much.
Then what happened? Anyone find out?
[deleted]
That was...beautiful!
[deleted]
Thanks bro. I haven't finished reading everything you wrong because it was so long, but I'm glad I'm not the only person who has killed a homeless girl after trying to help her.
Sorry ladies but apparently nothing is worse than rape and there's nothing easier than fucking a homeless girl.
I seriously didn't want to kill the 3 I ran in to the past year, never mind their two children, but honestly, they're better of this way.
Also, I did a good thing, I tried to help.
The problem is that for a successful Bel-Air, you have to have a believable story. When you have a story this ridiculous, it leaves those of us who are jaded saying, "so where's the Bel-Air?"
Women are raped and killed every day. Which bit was unbelievable?
I am severely disapoint now.
You are fucking MURDERER!!!!....HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET AWAY WITH THAT....But then again...this is all made up...isn't it
Saw it coming.
Do you live in Bel-Air?
Whoosh
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I'm pretty sure she knows, unless you killed her.
Nobody found out.
This reminded me of when my father died of cancer. I still miss him.
You're just hilarious. Oh, wait.
What is this I don't even
That sounds like way more fun than the CPR I learned.
[deleted]
I really want to give someone CPR now.
I have a boner.
duuuude... don't tell anyone that...
why not!?
dude, that was fucking hilarious- you be trolling man!
God, I hope so.
Well, in a follow up, he does "whistle for a cab". The responding taxi is straight out of the OP from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Just so you know, it's still rape even if she's homeless and you bought her a meal. Rapist.
No, the homeless aren't people.
Let's keep some perspective here!
nice try 4chan.
holy shit, don't even care if it's true or not.. this is fucked up
4chan fodder
My god, you're practically the new Bozarking. Except with rape, and murder, and such further intrigue.
[deleted]
SOMEBODY GET JUDD APATOW IN HERE TO SEE HIS NEXT SCRIPT!!
But seriously, I'm not one to judge. I wasn't there.
What could ever possess someone to rape an unconscious person? Surely they realise this is rape?
What posesses someone to parade their failure to comprehend epic Bel Aires.
holy shit.
edit: can I get her appearance on a scale of 1-10 after she was showered? And I mean in comparison to non homeless girls.