Source
r/datingoverthirty•
EnvironmentalIntern4

Gendered media consumption?

So this is kind of a spin off of another thread on here, along with an article I just read about why Joe Rogan is so popular (who i'd heard of but didn't really know anything about him other than he comes up a lot in discussions about incels and conspiracy stuff) but it made me start wondering. Just how gendered is our consumption of media? I have a feeling the answer is going to be "very", but I'm not entirely sure how to address that or what that means in terms of dating? Generally in previous relationships I've had pretty similar tastes to my partners in terms of the kinds of things we both liked watching especially.

If I had to guess, for me personally, music is probably the one that I consider to be the most defacto gendered by genre regardless of any marketing intent. besides a few women fronted rock bands or solo alt-rock acts (fleetwood mac, heart, alannis, etc.) I will totally cop to the fact that I almost reflexively assume any woman singer is going to be a popsinger (though some like Gaga have surprised me). But I'll admit that I often dread it when my date's start messing with my radio because I'd totally rather sit in complete awkward silence rather than listen to most top 40.

Movies and TV are probably the least gendered for me, especially in recent years as "nerd shit" has more or less become the mainstream, though as I said in that other thread I see movies and tv more or less existing along a spectrum. I'd imagine not too many women are watching MMA and not too many men are watching real housewives... but I rather got the feeling that Game of Thrones, and much as I hate it the Office, were pretty universally watched?

Books, I just don't know. I've certainly tried to read more books written by women, and I guess maybe about anywhere from a 1/4th to a 1/3rd of the books I've read are written by women. But I'll admit that I've struggled with it especially when it comes to genre books in a way that I don't so much when it comes to fiction in general.

I've been reading a lot of interesting stuff about how there's very different sides to most fandoms, a sort of collaborative/creative side that usually skews towards women, and a very curative wing that tends to skew towards men. It's also something I've come to understand about anime/manga, is that it's often explicitly gendered as a component of it's marketing campaign with them even having specific words that basically mean "this is girls anime" or "this is boys anime" or "this is mens anime" or "this is womens anime".

So I dunno, what do you all think? do you have some specific media products that you just kneejerk assume things about and by default about those who consume those products? On the other hand, do you have some things that you just absolutely want to share with people you're into?

Posted Aug 21, 2019, 11:03 AM UTC

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ellef86♀ 32 Londoner - I still believe•

Agree with you about music. I'm generally a rock fan and I suddenly realised last year that very few of the artists I routinely listen to are women, or include women. I immediately went and created a specific playlist of women in rock to try and educate myself and address the gap.

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RandomAmericanGirl♀ 37 Let's get the party started•

I did the same. High five ✋

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ellef86♀ 32 Londoner - I still believe•

Yass! Ways to know a guy is great: I stalked Punk's Spotify when we were together and he'd made one too, and it was almost identical to mine (I hadn't told him about mine).

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BjorknBeanshave you tried being attractive?•

What's on your list?

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anonymous_opinions•

If you gave me some favorites I could give you some great female fronted bands to check out. I think I'm 50/50 on that one.

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deathbyfractals♂/36/dead inside•

Sad Girl music is one of my favorite genres. Sasha Sloan, Regina Spektor, Phoebe Bridgers, Now Now

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anus_dei♀ •

Just how gendered is our consumption of media? I have a feeling the answer is going to be "very"

yes. Different genders and age groups differ not only in what kind of media they consume, but how much of it they consume.

though some like Gaga have surprised me

Why? She's a pop singer. "Pop singer" isn't some kind of insult. There are many talented pop singers with incredible power and range (Gaga, Bey, Whitney, Miley, Alicia, Katy, Dua Lipa).

Movies and TV are probably the least gendered for me

You'd be surprised. For example, young men don't watch TV. Cinema releases leaning towards male interests (e.g. a preponderance of superhero/nerdy/action movies against TV's preponderance of crime/romance/drama) is how entertainment companies capture the male viewer.

Books, I just don't know

Men don't read books either. The market for genre books is almost exclusively female (and in a statistical sense, nobody reads literary fiction).

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anus_dei♀ •

Obviously this is a statistic, which means it applies to the majority of men, not every man. I also do some hobbies that are uncommon for my demographic, but that doesn't mean I don't exist.

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Oh shit, I don't exist.

You and me both, brother. Probably we aren't the "real men" that many OLD profiles mention.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I've come to understand that what a lot of people think a 'real man' is supposed to be like is basically a sadistic bully cro magnon who has enough wealth to wear expensive tailored clothes and drive expensive cars while still basically being an incurious small minded cretin... you know like connor mcgreggor.

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anonymous_opinions•

Small sample size but I've only dated 2 men that were active readers. Some just plain didn't do books.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

that's a shame, but considering how little emphasis is placed on encouraging men to be curious it's not surprising.

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anonymous_opinions•

I could also just be dating dum dums.

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SlowFatHusky♂ 40's•

It's probably the form factor. Men don't read online materials?

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I know, I'm just waiting to start vanishing like marty mcfly now that I've been made aware. It was like the damn coyote, he was okay until he looked dow...............................

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Cinema releases leaning towards male interests (e.g. a preponderance of superhero/nerdy/action movies against TV's preponderance of crime/romance/drama) is how entertainment companies capture the male viewer.

Very much so:

That leaves one quadrant - men under 25 - at whom the majority of studio movies are aimed, the thinking being that they'll eat just about anything that's put in front of them as long as it's spiked with the proper set of stimulants. That's why, when you look at the genres that currently dominate Hollywood - action, raunchy comedy, game/toy/ride/comic-book adaptations, horror, and, to add an extra jolt of Red Bull to all of the preceding categories, 3-D - they're all aimed at the same ADD-addled, short-term-memory-lacking, easily excitable testosterone junkie. In a world dominated by marketing, it was inevitable that the single quadrant that would come to matter most is the quadrant that's most willing to buy product even if it's mediocre.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

Pretty much everyone of those names you mentioned insofar as music goes, I wouldn't listen to if you paid me because I don't consider any of them to be "good". Granted, that's a subjective opinion, and I'm not trying to make some kind of blanket objective one. To me, they may as well be nails on a chalkboard, or musak at the grocery store. She surprised me by being a big enough cultural phenomenon that she actually crossed my radar. I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to her, but if it was a choice between her and advertisements I wouldn't turn the dial. Now Arkona is a woman fronted band I can get into and I'm going to see in a few weeks time.

I'd guess that plenty of young men watch tv, just not crime/romance/dramas... but someone has to be keeping vince mcmahon in business and I doubt that it's middle aged women... that or like every young person in creation they watch stuff on streaming services or pirated rather than through a neilson box on their terrestrial cable.

I read books, quite a lot of them actually, so do basically all of my friends. Maybe your statistics are accurate, I don't really know, but that would certainly explain why when I look for new genre books these days I can't find anything I want to read... cause it's not being produced for me. Good thing I have like, 2000 years of written works to catch up on I guess.

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anus_dei♀ •

Granted, that's a subjective opinion

From a technical standpoint, it really isn't. Some singers are strong singers, and some singers are weak singers. Their technical prowess is quite divorced from whether or not the music they make is to your taste. e.g. lots of people don't like opera music, but any professional opera singer is objectively a good singer. Taylor Swift or Thom Yorke? Not so much. But many people like their music.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I'm not commenting on the technical strength of their singing, I don't listen to music for that. I listen to music for the overall feeling it produces. If I don't find it evocative then I'm not going to listen to it.

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anus_dei♀ •

My list is of good singers, not good people :)

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Joe Rogan is Oprah for men. Just think of it that way.

OMG, this is spot on, complete with the incidences of giving kooks a pass (anybody remember the "Million Little Pieces" controversy?).

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Cept everybody who listens knows the kooks are full of shit

I'm not sure that's true, but even if it is . . .

and he doesn't pretend to endorse them

See, I want my interviewers to be better than that. I'd like them to know at least enough that they can hard press their guests and get them to answer tough questions in depth, preferably elucidating a dialog that helps me understand the issues better.

I'm also not a fan of MMA, so there's that.

I've also heard enough from a middle-aged white guy point of view, so there's that as well.

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Kittenlover227♂ 31•

Are you having issues dating because of media being marketted towards men for women?

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

No but the comment that made me think to ask this was interesting because of how adversarial it was made to sound because I had offered a movie suggestion.

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studiospectre♂ 36•

I like what I like, I don't really worry about it being gendered or not. I mean, It's part of the reality of it, but nothing I take notice to or ponder. I'll decide what I like based on the appeal it has on my heart and sole and not anyone else's viewpoints on the matter.

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NakedStreets•

It’s worth mentioning that not everyone thinks that the only point of consuming media is personal entertainment.

Many people select media for the purpose of learning more about other viewpoints.

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studiospectre♂ 36•

That would still be their preference, ie: learning about other viewpoints. If they weren't interested in that in the first place they wouldn't consume the media would they? So, back to my original point. I like what I like, at this point I can choose whatever I wish to consume freely, not like tale of two cities for summer reading in high school (which I actually really appreciate now, if not then!) just like anyone. We can all serve as our own curators as adults, if we wish to, and I do.

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Many people select media for the purpose of learning more about other viewpoints.

As a heterosexual middle-aged white guy, I realized the vast majority of what I've been exposed to is . . . viewpoints and media from other heterosexual middle-aged white guys. It's extremely limiting. Need to get out of my safe space and explore points of view unfamiliar to me.

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Crommunist♂ 34•

The person I'm currently dating has amazing taste in music, and keeps sending me new artists to check out, most of whom I would have blown off as "pop singers" if they hadn't been sent to me by someone whose opinion I respect. I'm a musician myself, and because lots of my colleagues are women I also find myself listening to their music and their (largely female) influences.

I think there's something to be said for pushing yourself to find and enjoy media from outside your "usual". Left to our own devices, we'll tend to curate media that reflects ourselves and our own perspectives. But if you make a point of trying things that lie outside your comfort zone, you'll occasionally find really great rabbit holes to fall down.

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BjorknBeanshave you tried being attractive?•

most of whom I would have blown off as "pop singers"

Who? And I creeped on your history, you're awesome!

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Crommunist♂ 34•

Ravyn Lenae, Charlotte Cardin, Dorothy, Niia, Gabrielle Shonk, Aiza. Those are all recent faves that I would probably have looked right past if I hadn't been told "check this chick out".

And thank you!

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smokeycoughlin37⚤•

I had a home-date where my fella put on "big little lies" and I have to admit, it was kind of a panty-dropper. I've only half-watched it a couple times when my roommate has had it on so it was cute that he was catching me up on the story the whole time too.

2
satsumaz•

I mean tbh everything is gendered

2
displaced_serviette•

It seems that for the stuff that I like, it's more common for women to be into it, Triathlons, board gaming, weightlifting, etc. than before. Some other things like Anime, cosplaying, and comics, just have less people into it in general, so I don't see much of any demography.

Having seen Deborah Ann Woll on the board game geek and her own D&D youtube show gives me hope.

My imaginary GF needs to be active, ideally at least somewhat nerdy, and passionate about something.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

She also found her husband through okcupid soooo....

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displaced_serviette•

What!!? *signs up for OKC*

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MisterScraps♂ 33•

This is an interesting post. There are definitely demographics associated with certain media and genres that become sort of a stereotype. The media worth mentioning in a profile, it seems to me, are the media in which you are not the typical customer. Mentioning The Office in a dating profile (while an okay show) is sort of a declaration of being basic because it's probably the most watched and generally likable shows you can mention. Being a woman who likes horror movies, or a man who loves Gilmore Girls sets you apart.

I was recently asked out on a date by a random woman at a beer festival. Her two questions before she gave me her number were "Do you eat vegetables?" and "Do you read books?" (Both questions about what we consume, I guess) Evidently, it's hard to find a fella who reads? Her last BF was an avid non-reader, and said it like it was a badge of honor. I apologized for him, but it made me wonder about this question you are asking. I read quite a bit, but I've met plenty of men who don't. I've never thought of it as gendered.

IDK. Just my 2 cents.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I had no idea that eating veggies was that rare... holy shit no wonder heart disease kills so many men in the US.

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studiospectre♂ 36•

What about the Bronies??

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

they range from harmless to creeps.

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studiospectre♂ 36•

well yeah Duh! I meant regarding gendered consumption.

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beepbeepimal000l•

I was just listening to STP's 'Creep' and really struggled with how to categorize it in my daily media consumption quota.

He's saying that he's 'half the man he used to be'. Is that only in the context of that one song or for the whole album? Or an even longer duration? And if he's only half the man he used to be, what's the other half? Female? Unspecified? A gender vacuum?

And to what extent does the band fit in? What proportion of man is each of them and are they equally representative of the band and its message?

If I play the song at half speed, will I have listened to one full man song? But should I even be measuring my gendered media consumption by the minute or by some other unit of measurement? As a Canadian, should I be relying upon the metric standard of one Man or should I convert to the American system when consuming their media? Is there an app available to help with that?

Edit: What gender are you OP? I should have asked first, since I'm all manned out for at least the next week. I'll only be replying to posts by feeeemales.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I have no idea what you're talking about? I don't even know what, i assume band, you're talking about?

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blyat56•

People are different and consume different things, shocker. What does that have to do with dating?

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

The comment that made me think to ask this question was based on a response I got after suggesting a film, where the other poster said she would add it to the long list of films she hadn't seen but that men had suggested to her. It was adversarial and made me want to get to the bottom of it.

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

I proffer the following examples:

  • When the now ex-wife and I married, we each had a copy of Alanis' first CD.
  • I hate sports, she loved to watch college football.
  • I introduced her to "Moulin Rouge" (used to be one of my favorite movies). She introduced me to the "Profiler" and "The Pretender" TV shows.
  • She loved what I like to call "strong women kicking ass movies", eg Resident Evils, "Ultraviolet", Underworlds, "Aeon Flux". Not particularly my cup of tea, mainly because they were typically poorly written and directed.
  • A friend of hers (one of our bridesmaids even) loaned her "Twilight" because the friend liked it. She still hadn't even cracked the book at the end of our marriage and generally considered the story as she knew it to be immature.
  • I typically despise Adele, just due to the toxic lyrics of that one song alone.
  • Now, a couple of years after our divorce, I've stumbled upon Garfunkel and Oates and love their stuff. But then I'm a fan of talented singers such as Melody Gardot, Connie Evingson and Sylvia McNair.
  • She'd listen to FM and satellite radio, complete with ads. Apart from my refusal to be exposed to advertising, I consider most pop to be cliché pablum with little artistic merit to recommend it. As TV is chewing gum for the eyes, radio is chewing gum for the ears.
  • Neither one of us liked MMA.
  • I'm fond of science fiction, but am ashamed to admit I've only read one of LeGuin's novels, "The Dispossessed." This might be because scifi has been very much a boy's club until recently, but thankfully things are taking a turn in that space. One of my favorite characters is the main character from "The Diamond Age: Or, A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer" although it's written by a man.
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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

I liked the pretender and profiler, I miss old TNT shows like that. I love Alanis. Can't stand moulin rouge though.

Lefthand of Darkness is good, and the earthsea books are some of my favorites.

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StriderTB♂ 39•

I personally never understood the appeal of Joe Rogan, he's a fucking idiot.

More to your point though, the one thing that really got me to click with my current girlfriend is our shared interest in music and books. We both love live concerts and she got me into some bands that I haven't heard before. We've each read books that the other has recommended, and I think I've read almost 20 books in Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern series on her recommendation. I've never considered the gender of the author when I discover a great story.

I do appreciate that she's not into any of those Bravo reality shows like Real Housewives, my ex watched those and I always found them stressful to sit through.

I guess it's just important to keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. You never know what you'll discover.

0†
Jotun35♂ 31•

He's reasonably smart for an MMA fighter and has some good points. Honestly, I just assume that MMA fighters are all fucking dumb because of too many hits to the head but he is kind of a counter example to that.

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StriderTB♂ 39•

To each his own. I never found anything he said to be particularly thoughtful, and there's something about his very vocal fanbase that turns me off. He does get great guests and can be entertaining though!

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Oh yes his guests are great but he's also pretty good at talking to them. That's what I find interesting. His own thoughts are definitely simplistic but it gets the guests talking and elaborating, which is great. He isn't super smart but he gets the guests saying smart things, which is all I'm expecting from a podcast, really.

No clue about the fan base. I listen to some of his podcasts when I like the guest and I have a couple of friends tuning in but I can see how his fanbase could be slightly "carcinogenic".

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Crommunist♂ 34•

He's reasonably smart for an MMA fighter

But reasonably dumb for, you know, a person.

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Jotun35♂ 31•

I don't know where you are living but where I'm living people aren't nearly as curious and interested in many topics as this guy is... and I'm living in a capital city in Europe. Most people are dumb.

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[deleted]•

Anyone screaming sexism yet?

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Wait... you mean girls can actually be music nerds and actually own vinyls and stuff? I have never met a single one of these and I've met many. All the audiophiles I know are dudes too. I woul say listening to ANY KIND of music in an active way is gendered: some males do it, very very few females do.

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Crommunist♂ 34•

I seriously can't tell if this is meant to be satire

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Nope. I have genuinely never met a female geeking out over music as a listener (I'm not talking as a musician here nor as a fan of a very specific band/artist, have met plenty of these), even over the internet it is extremely rare. And by that I mean actually owning a collection of records, still listening to entire albums rather than playlists, citing release year of a particular album off the top of your head etc.

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Crommunist♂ 34•

That's unfortunate for you.

owning a collection of records, still listening to entire albums rather than playlists, citing release year of a particular album off the top of your head

These criteria seem completely arbitrary. I operate in the music industry and it's hugely represented by women who know a ton about music and musicians, are actively engaged in tastemaking, who support bands/causes/communities within music, and who do huge chunks of the work. Those all seem like far better metrics of someone's interest in music than how much trivia they can recite or whether they listen to playlists.

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anonymous_opinions•

Reciting trivia is a huge male thing in the music community and it always bothered me as a woman. It struck me as creepy and there's a gatekeeping aspect to it among men.

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grimman•

He has a point, I think. It's been my experience that men are more prone to the technical aspects of music (or any topic really) than women. On average, of course. You're probably not wrong either, but take a census of the audiophile community and you'll get a pretty one-sided picture.

Personally I don't see a problem with that. Let people do what they want, I say, and I hope they enjoy it.

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Jotun35♂ 31•

You're mentioning tastemaking which makes me think we aren't talking about the same thing at all. I am talking about it as hobby, not as a job (which implies much less freedom especially in taste making... brrrrr... that word actually makes my skin crawl when talking about music). I am pretty sure there are a lot of women in the music industry. I work in cosmetics and there are quite some men working there, it doesn't mean that these men are actually massive users of cosmetics or are make up artists as a hobby. A hobby is something you pick up from your own free will and keep up despite the fact that it doesn't put food on the table.

And I'm pretty sure people working in the music industry are a minuscule minority compared to the overall population, so my point stands. If the only females geeking out over music are mostly working in the music industry, that is a very very small population.

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dangthatsnasty•

Literally the only people I have ever met who actually listen to records on their record players are women.

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BjorknBeanshave you tried being attractive?•

Music is my main form of entertainment and I'm definitely a huge music nerd who actively seeks out new artists, listens to their catalogs and albums. I'd never talk to a man, and certainly not fuck one, who said something like this.

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Do you have a lot of female friends having the same form of entertainment?

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BjorknBeanshave you tried being attractive?•

All of them. And my mom, too.

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Hum... are you all badass and living on Themyscira? 😜

It's great though. Guess I'm just living in the wrong part of the world or don't listen to music most females in my area are listening too.

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npsimons♂ 41; I want a partner, not a prize•

Wait... you mean girls can actually be music nerds and actually own vinyls and stuff?

I had completely forgotten that the ex-wife collected vinyls until this. She never listened to them. Became a turn off after a while, just like her other proto-hoarding tendencies.

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EnvironmentalIntern4OP•

Uh, yeah dude, "girls" can be into whatever they want. I wasn't trying to gatekeep anyone with this thing I'm just trying to have a conversation about how the ways in which media is gendered and it keeps us from having stuff to talk about or even, in the case of the comment that inspired me to ask this can come across as adversarial when you want to share stuff.

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Jotun35♂ 31•

Yes they can... yet they don't. I mean, look at Norway and how crazy gendered occupations are. And how the more developed a country is, the more gendered occupations are compared to less developed countries. It's not an elusive patriarchy or the media that are the source of the problem... I'm not even sure there is a problem actually. I don't expect women to be into technical death metal (... actually, the vast majority of men aren't into it either) and probably will barely touch on that topic while dating someone. Same goes for many other media/art I consume and I don't really see an issue with that situation as long as there is acceptance and understanding.

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