Source
r/shoppingaddiction•
orangepekoes

Is anyone else constantly trying to find their style?

I'm always changing my style, all the time. If I ever see a style that I like, I will immediately try to emulate it and buy as much of it as I can. If I gain a little weight I have to buy new outfits that will flatter me ( I've never been even close to overweight, maybe have BDD?). It doesn't matter if the new clothing is "me" because I am always changing. I sometimes wonder if this comes from growing up poor and never getting to experiment and only owning like two "outfits" in HS (pants & two hoodies). My closets are full of clothes now but it doesn't feel complete. I know I'll never have the struggle of not having anything to wear but the fear is still there. Maybe having to wear jeans to a funeral or declining so many invitations because sorry I really cannot afford to buy something to wear traumatized me. I already told myself I have summer clothes, no more shopping for that but then I learned that I'm returning to work in a couple months so am already looking into what clothes to buy for the office and autumn.

I'd like to add that my shopping habit doesn't hurt me, because in other ways I'm frugal and I live within my means. This hasn't gotten me into debt because I don't have expensive taste. It just bothers having so many different "styles" taking up space and wondering where this compulsion comes from. I worry that the lady at the post office is judging me. She always has a package waiting for me and knows me by name.

Posted Jun 25, 2020, 4:41 AM UTC

5416
[deleted]•

I did for the longest time! I finally think I've figured it out. I stopped shopping for style and started looking at my lifestyle instead. I kept buying going-out clothes, when I'm not a going out person, I like outdoor activities. So I constantly felt like I had nothing to wear even though I had so many clothes. Nothing I owned was practical for my lifestyle. As I started slowly collecting things I needed for their function, I saw my style actually develop. You can't choose a style, your style is just a summary of everything you wear, and it will happen on its own if you start to focus on what you actually want to wear throughout the day comfortably. Try not to focus on it.

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orangepekoesOP•

That makes a lot of sense about your style being a summary of the things you wear. It's not something you really choose. I'm not sure what I was even trying to do.. maybe reinvent myself or something?

2
[deleted]•

Yeah! That's definitely a thing! It honestly feels good to change something, but if you're trying to stop, I would do some reflecting on what you could change that would be more impactful for you. Divert that energy to something that is actual change.

For me it's working out, I think a lot of that reinventing impulse was me being self conscious and wanting a better body. I was trying to cheat by buying new clothes instead. So now if I have those feelings I do a small workout instead of shopping.

It could also be something like volunteering somewhere you've always wanted to, or learning a skill you've always wanted to. Do something that's actually going to make you feel proud, don't mask it with new clothes!

1
coolnam3•

I'm kind of the same way. I AM overweight, so I'm constantly trolling clothing sites, trying to figure out my style "for when I lose weight." But I never do, so then I cave and buy a bunch of shirts and sometimes dresses (even though I never wear dresses). And I don't really like what I buy once I have it in my closet, and usually only wear like four shirts, and maybe two pairs of pants.

I used to save pictures of clothes from magazines, almost like a vision board for my future style. But stuff I liked (and bought) a few months ago seem cheap and dated when I look at them now. It's almost like I buy things that I feel like I ought to like, but when I have them I realize that they aren't really me. I also grew up not able to express myself through my style because my mom always bought me clothes that were too young, and my grandma bought me clothes that were too old and frumpy. So I usually just wore jeans and baggy tshirts to school. Very unflattering and boring, but they helped me blend into the landscape, which was the goal.

Also, whenever I buy anything that's the least bit stylish or daring to wear to work, I am too anxious to wear it because I don't want to draw any attention to my fat self. So it just languishes away in my closet. Definitely a problem. And a huge waste of money and energy.

6
orangepekoesOP•

I totally feel you on wanting to blend in.. because that's actually me. In my post, I made myself sound like I'm a fashionista but I honestly feel awkward wearing a lot of the items I've purchased. I just pushed through it because I felt like I gotta get over it. I follow a lot of people on Instagram that dress in very eccentric styles so I sometimes think if this person can leave their house looking like they walked out of the 1940s, why am I so shy to wear a skirt? I also have social anxiety so I don't really like getting attention or people asking me why I'm dressed up, but for some reason, I feel like if I find the "right" me with the right style and clothes, all of a sudden I will change and be a different person, maybe even become confident. It's really weird and doesn't make any sense. I even went down the Youtube rabbit hole on how to start shopping vintage and I'm so glad I stopped myself because even though I love those styles, I very well know those dresses are just going to sit in my closet. I feel most comfortable in my boring clothes but these clothes make me feel blah.

I follow a couple plus sized people on IG with amazing style and they inspire me a lot because they're not afraid to try different looks. But I. gotta. stop. shopping. Maybe I'm just meant to dress boring. I still hold onto all these "skinny" clothes too that I'll near fit into again unless I start starving myself again. I just want to get rid of it all.

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coolnam3•

Omg, same. Same same same. All of it.

2
coolnam3•

I also wanted to add, I have finally started allowing myself to get rid of clothes that I've been waiting "to fit into," or things that I thought I might alter one day, even though I've never altered a pice of clothing in my life. I still have a bunch of stuff in my closet, like the dress I bought in hopes of doing a photo shoot for my first wedding anniversary. I'm coming up on my third anniversary in a few months, and we never did that photo shoot. So my brain says "well, what about the FIFTH anniversary??" 🙄

But I'm working through things, slowly. It helps to tell myself that my life will be so much better when I don't have the weight of all my STUFF pressing on me. It also helps when I'm shopping online to look at my stuffed closet, and all the things I don't wear, and the bank account full of house-down-payment money that I don't want to have to put towards my credit cards because I've bought MORE clothes that I'm not going to wear, not can I afford. Tamping down this compulsion for me has been a process of little things like that rather than one sweeping I WILL SHOP NO MORE! moment. Basically, it's been finding things that are more important than clothes, such as my marriage and saving up for a house.

2
purrtato_meows•

I can kind of relate - I grew up poor too and had to wear my siblings dated hand me downs so I never felt like “me” in someone else’s clothes. The only way I exercised my identity/style was finding $5 shirts and dresses on clearance racks lol.

I think it’s a consequence of having grown up poor. To battle deep-rooted feelings of childhood deprivation and having to do without, we are now overcompensating by buying whatever our hearts’ desire (as seen on insta/Pinterest/model/influencer/blogger/celebrity/friend) with our incomes, because we can afford it, have enough credit, or can make payments through Afterpay/Klarna, etc.

On the other hand, marketers continuously sell us new trendy products by preying on our hopes of wanting to be like models or influencers. Buying what influencers have and are wearing reflect our own internal desires to have a modicum of the lifestyle they have. It’s the next best thing to actually being them.

Personally, my style became more consistent once I figured out what colors and silhouettes work best and felt like “me”. Pinterest and The Curated Closet by Anushka Rees have helped immensely. Most importantly, is coming to objective albeit harsh realizations about my boring stable lifestyle.

I don’t need 20 floral rompers/dresses, metallic pants, evening gowns, clubbing clothes, 90s Y2K revival grunge dresses, embellished jean jackets, overalls, hype beast streetwear, 10 matching swimsuits, etc. I literally don’t have enough appropriate occasions to wear them consistently. It’s how I talk myself out of most purchases these days.

5
orangepekoesOP•

Yess, the overcompensation!! And I'm a homebody, I don't go anywhere.. just to work. Yet I have enough clothes that I could probably go months without doing my laundry and I'd be fine. That probably sounds like a humble brag, but it's really a problem. We have or access to washing machines for a reason. I got teased a lot in school, one guy asked infront of everyone "why do you wear the same sweater everyday?" I now act like i'm afraid to be seen more than once in something.

3
JaiRenae•

I used to... I describe it as retro boho now, though, which is pretty much what I was going for before I was married to my ex husband. We had a lot of money problems and there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse involved. I was constantly changing and, now that I think about it, trying to break out of who I was and what was happening. Since the divorce, I have replaced almost my entire wardrobe. I have also gained some weight due to medication, so almost everything I have now is either flowy or stretchy so I don't feel the need to shop every time I go up or down a few pounds.

I am a huge bargain-hunter, though. I buy a lot of thrift-shop clothes and don't buy anything new unless it's less than $5 or on the clearance rack with a deep discount. Except shoes & undergarments.

5
orangepekoesOP•

I love thrift shopping too but ever since this pandemic I haven't gone to the thrift shop. I think maybe that's why my online shopping has gotten so bad. In the thrift shops I would try the clothes on and see they don't look good so I didn't buy as much. I think its the online shopping thats the problem.

And flowy, loose clothing is my latest thing ever since I've gained weight. I now own at least 6 maxi dresses. I love how forgiving they are and was thinking of buying more and asked... why? Just wear the ones you already have.

5
without_nap•

I used to be that way, until I read Simon Doonan's Eccentric Glamour. It was really good for getting me to look hard at what I own and go "okay, I'm x."

It's a really funny book too. He talks about ditching his jeans and all the practical stuff, because it's just more fun to wear the stuff you really like and life is too short.

5
Arshna•

Me too. I didn't grow up poor exactly but in a very strict religious environment where I never got to pick my own clothes ever until I was 16. Mostly just had plain printed clothes which were highly unflattering on me and made me look older than I was.

After that, I've been cycling through clothes and styles continuously because I didn't know what works. Plus I can't buy a single piece of anything. For eg, if I go to buy an exercise shirt, I have to buy two just in case. I've been getting into kibbe recently and that does help understand what not to buy which is really important for saving.

I'm stuck in a lockdown and don't know when I'll be joining my workplace. I still bought some shirts and 4 pairs of somewhat expensive but rather similar jeans in varying shades at an online sale this month. It seems somewhat wasteful and extravagant but I'm hoping I won't have to buy another pair for the next 4-5 years at least. It's pretty exciting because now I sort of know what works for me and that makes me want to buy more things... but I'm going to try not to buy anything else for the next few months at least. I'll try to make a list of things I need and then refrain from buying them till the festival sales. I know people usually tell you to stay away from sales but if you're getting something you need of great quality at half price, I think it's fine.

3
orangepekoesOP•

Plus I can't buy a single piece of anything. For eg, if I go to buy an exercise shirt, I have to buy two just in case

I'm the same way! If I like something I must own it in many colours even though my favourite colour to wear is black. I feel like I'm afraid I won't find a similar item again. Or I like something so much that I want another one in case it shrinks or gets lost or something. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is cycling through styles. I think I know what works on me, but then I see a look that I like so I must have it too. I want to just have the ability to admire looks on other people without thinking I also have to have it. A lot of the times, it never even suits me.

3
Arshna•

Exactly. I saw your comment about feeling like you're trying to reinvent yourself. I sort of feel like that too. New style for a new place or a new image sort of thing. It had started to change a bit but then the pandemic happened. Still I'm now more careful about what I buy and if it will work for my body as well as my life.

3
thirdtoebean•

Can relate to the 'stuffed closet but still feels incomplete'.

I have found having a few rules help. I worked out my 'season' (colours that suit me) and now only shop within that range - stops me getting unflattering items. I'm more recently investigating Kibbe style types, and that should further narrow down what actually looks good on me. I figure if I've excluded most clothing on offer, what remains should suit me and be styleable in multiple ways.

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