Source
r/OCPoetry•
SentientPebble

The Man on the Dune

The man stood alone, on the highest of dunes
Where the sand meets the sky, above numberless tombs
His eyes met the sun, and with nothing to fear
he whispered his secrets for no one to hear

None but the sand and the bones and the winds
Knew he was leaving his home and his sins
He'd stolen and killed and vanquished them all
The Lords who defied him or plotted his fall

And yet when he looked at his wealth and his gold
He did not shed a tear for his riches untold
All he had reaped he knew others had sown
And so he set off to make something his own

He spoke that and more from the highest of dunes
For none but the wind and the Kings in their tombs
He turned to the sands, and with nothing to fear
He said goodbye to all, where no one could hear

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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ikxesr/irony/g3r2dg0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/il5tlk/tsunami/g3r08i2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Posted Sep 2, 2020, 6:40 PM UTC

2212
Orpheus1996•

This just caught my eye. I must say I love the atmosphere and the imagery of this piece. It is ancient, mystical, magical, haunting and mysterious. There’s this aura of grandeur and epic ness, like a tale told through the ages. It adore the beautiful choice of words and imagery “ where the sand meets the sky, above numberless tombs” “ “ the man stood alone, on the highest of dunes” “ none but the sand and the bones and the winds”. It’s a grand picture, quite romantic about the desert. I enjoyed how it spoke to themes of loneliness, longing, dissatisfaction, emptiness and searching for a purpose. Quite universal themes. I really wish I wrote this, I’m envious 😊😁😉😌

4
SentientPebbleOP•

Thank you! I really appreciate the positive feedback

1
vibha_z•

I grew up in the UAE and i love the sands, the desert. They've always spoken to me in a way that feels magical and you've captured that essence is your poem. I think it resonates with me because of the courage it represents in following this path of spirituality. The lines, "his eyes met the sun, and with nothing to fear he whispered his secrets for no one to hear" make me wonder what it would be like to possess that kind of courage and truly leave everything and everyone behind. Loved it, keep writing.

2
SentientPebbleOP•

I'm really happy to hear my poem resonated so much with someone who's had so much experience with the desert!

2
wots_tatos•

I'm a layman in the poetic world, but I'm interested in the rhythm of your poem - can you tell me a bit more about it?

2
SentientPebbleOP•

This is the first poem where I really focused on getting a rhythm going. The idea is roughly unstressed, stressed, unstressed, stressed, unstressed, with each line starting with an unstressed syllable. I'm not that experienced with the specific Theory of it, but I hope that helps

2
wots_tatos•

I really like it - it makes me think of the peaks and valleys in a rolling desert. Fits the poem well.

1
_yellowlife_•

This is beautiful. I recently got out of an abusive family and the feeling of starting a new life but also being really alone hit me really hard.

You rhythms and atmosphere are beautiful. I’m new to poetry myself; if you don’t mind me asking, what is your inspiration and where do you learn from?

2
SentientPebbleOP•

I've always been very interested in novel writing, but I find poetry comes a lot more naturally to me, so this was my attempt at combining the two, so I can use my story ideas as inspiration for my poetry, and my poetry to refine my story ideas. When it comes to how I've learned, I find asking a friend for feedback is really useful in letting your refine a poem and develop your skills, as is looking at poems that exhibit the qualities you want to improve. This poem was heavily inspired by The Destruction of Sennacherib, and I do recommend you give it a read if you want to see some really good rhythm! Hope that answers your questions.

2
_yellowlife_•

Thank you so much!

1
the-x-that-got-away•

This kind of feels like the prologue of some great fantasy epic. A wandering vagrant reflects back on his past battles and victories while preparing to leave it all behind again and seek out new adventure. I love the sand dune image, as if he’s standing on one peak in a sea of hills and valleys, of future successes and defeats. Exciting tone for a great poem!

2
FormerlyKnownAsVV•

Fun read, really brings the images to life. I especially thought it was cool how you repeated the ending words in the first stanza in the last stanza, definitely tied it all together well.

1