I wish I didn’t have the words to write this

You've painted a good, emotionally weighted scene here - the one thing I would look at is your second stanza. I don't think that it carries the same share as the other stanzas in the piece. It only makes one point, which is that the character in the piece is not listening to the speaker. I think this could be summarised in a far simpler way, for example, my first thought would be to swap 'posessive' in S3, for 'ignorant' - you could then drop S2, whilst still maintaining the same sentiment.

I hope my feedback has been helpful :)

The adjectives and phrasing in the last four stanzas were enticing and specific. I could imagine the scene and the actions of two characters and how they behaved with one another. I especially was moved by the last lines and how a frantic shower or sink bath only made the speaker red and raw but didn't hide the bruises or markings left behind.

For me, the first stanza left me questioning how the vodka was involved. I didn't know if it was supposed to be ON the bottom shelf, if it was sitting on a counter, or if it had just been consumed recently in a bar or dorm room (LED lighting). I tried imagining all of those things during different reads and liked to imagine of an empty shot glass with a puddle of piss quality vodka at the bottom sitting on the counter next to a mostly empty bottle.

The second stanza is the lead in for the scenes that follow. But I wasn't sure how intense you meant for that stanza to be. Was it simply a bar convo the other person was uninterested in. Like talking about a band or sports while the person was completely indifferent? I assumed based on the stanzas that followed, the words ignored involved declining a sexual offer. But was it a sharp "NO" screamed while hands reached up to block an advance or just a coy "no thanks" or "maybe not tonight" or "I think I'll go home" like a nice person would say uncomfortably (as alluded to by the speakers "naivety" and "kindness" )?

Thanks for sharing.

I like this poem, the message you want to express was well done. I really felt what you were writing.

I would echo the other two comments regarding stanza 2. Also I really like stanza 4 but think it could be improved by making it more "show, don't tell" or making it a bit more descriptive. But might be hard for the succinct style you are pursuing.

Overall i really liked it, and hope my feedback helps!

Idk, I like the sentiment of the 2nd stanza. I think that it is jarring highlights the importance of the statement. To make it more showy, maybe something like “you drowned out my words the way you drown your “blank” (referring back to the vodka)?

And OP: this makes me feel very strongly about punching somebody in the dick. Great job! I see a small, sparse, dirty dwelling, vodka on a messy table, smells like liquor and cigs and sweat.

I agree - a great job of conveying your message, albeit an upsetting one. "And admired my fragility" and "My kindness, an invitation I didn't send" are both excellent lines.

I would consider playing with the wording in stanza 3 though (unless you literally meant "grime and dirt") because it doesn't entirely match the messaging from the rest of the descriptors.

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This imagery is so spot on, as sad and awful as it is. You say a lot by having the reader interpret and you know there is only one way it ends. As someone who has had to deal with the ramifications of this you immediately know the setting, the shitty trap music, and the sense of danger. This is so poignant and great.

really like this. paints a very vivid and scary picture. a fear that i have never personally experienced as a man, but it sure feels palpable the way you put it. especially “my kindness, an invitation i did not send”

I hate that I can feel this. You just described a memory perfectly and allowed me to relive my own. It is very easy to understand this and I want to thank you for sharing.

In my experience, the essence of poetry is to convey nuanced meaning with few, impactful, words. You really nailed it here. The breaks in syllabic flow slow the reader like speed bumps and help drive the message home.

Beautiful writing.

The first stanza utters that post-break up feel but the rest is clean and cut nicely, it feels as though it doesn't fit. But I really like the poem.

Great job there! I feel like you’ve painted a portrait of a broken relationship with this poem, or what you mistook for the beautiful love which s/he exploited. The poem goes smoothly, and it’s beautiful. Kudos!

the ending of this poem feels so heavy, i think i genuinely frowned when i read it (not because it was bad). i really like the line "you weren't listening to a word i was saying," i feel like everything in the poem gives you a perfect idea of the people in it and the abuse. the title as well perfectly shows the author's relationship to the subject, that they wish they hadn't experienced this enough to know it so well.

I often come back to reread your poem. You have illustrated a very tough emotion in a way that is felt throughout the entire body.

I have been trying to write a piece on the same topic and I don’t think I could write a piece half as strong as yours.