So long ago
(Appologies for the formating, still trying to work out reddit text!)
You told me that you loved me
I said I loved you too
You asked if I'd stay here
I said I'd do anything for you
(That was so long ago
Memories I hold dear
Back when I was sure
When I wasn't filled with fear)
You held me when the night fell
Safe inside your arms
You told me I belonged there
Far away from all the harm
I told you I was losing
All sense of control
You told me that you'd help me
Find my dying soul
(That was so long ago
Memories I hold dear
Back when I was sure
When I wasn't filled with fear)
You stood by me always
When the shadows came to swallow
All my hope and joy
And left me feeling hollow
So why did I give in
I listend to the pain
I went and hurt you badly
All the time spent now in vain
(That was so long ago
Memories I hold dear
Back when I was sure
When I wasn't filled with fear)
Now I sit here lonely
In my pit I sit and hide
I wish that I'd have kept you
Standing by my side
I wish that I'd have kept you
Standing by my side
Standing by my side
Posted Sep 23, 2021, 1:44 AM UTC
I felt the poem has feelings of hurt and regret of lost love. It's the subtle hints of self-isolation in "In my pit I sit and hide" blended with the wish to still have them here. I found the repeated verse in brackets a good addition as it alludes that fear has taken place in the void of love. Also, I like how you wrote such short verses and able create a smooth flow. Keep writing :-)
I intend to improve I'm glad to see you enjoyed it, thanks for reading x!