Source
r/OCPoetry•
WorldWarG

Peak Pandemic Poetry (05.24.2020)

Winter weather warming flowers

Sunny, breezy, afternoon hours

Sweet do they sing,

those still Spring showers

​

Cornered by quarantine

waits the world to reconvene

no end in sight, we wait

confined. As the world turns green.

​

New York City, of all, the master

Bearing burden, devastating disaster.

Yet still you stand and still,

It is us that you look after.

​

Walking a beach, touched by the sea

Running, rolling, through lush prairie

Of course, all these places

I'd much rather be

​

Instead I'll take my park bench breeze.

Through the nose, out the mouth, I breathe.

With this I am at peace,

With this I am free.

​

Feedback links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ptkvf0/so_long_ago/hdzj4nc/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ptp4ca/love_letter_to_depression/hdzlg4x/?context=3

Posted Sep 23, 2021, 8:28 PM UTC

15
DudasOP•

I think this struck a special chord in me because my first ever poem (22/6/2020) was about the pandemic, but while mine turned out extremely messy and very, very drawn out, focussing on the negatives of what was happening to me and to the world, this one is way simpler (which I like) and I feel there's a certain beauty to it, especially in that first stanza, I also think it rolls off the tongue pretty nicely. The beauty of the natural elements contrasts well with the chaos of NYC.

Very nice.

​

edit: I had suggested "evening" rather than "afternoon" in the first stanza in order to sound a little better, but later remembered evenings aren't exactly sunny.

2
WorldWarGOP•

Thanks for the comment, I appreciate the feedback as well.

I'd agree that the first stanza is my favorite and certainly the most successful of them all. I'm happy that the chaos and the beauty came across, I was fearful that this one may not be as concise as others. Worried people might be like "ok, nice rhymes, but what are you talking about". So it's good to hear that you could pick up on that.

1
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1
grandglassguy•

Hey I just want to say that this poem is good I just feel like it’s lacking descriptive components and just feels simple in a way. There’s also this line “yet still you stand and still” I feel like the wording on this is very off. The line would work better without both of the stills and could be more concise. That line kind of ruined the flow of the poem for me. Once again, the poem itself is great in the way that you convey the longing for what was once common it just needs more detail and emotion, but hey I’m not a critic so😂.

1
WorldWarGOP•

That's a fair bit of feedback. I do feel as though it is wordy, for the sake of being wordy and I was even worried that while it's a long poem, it talks about a few different things and doesn't convey enough, like each stanza could break out into it's own poem almost.

Thank you for your honest opinion!

1