[3870] Lament of the Silence - Chapter 1 (or 2)

Link to the chapter! (as a heads up, the story involves themes like drug addiction and suicide)

Hey again everyone! This is a follow-up post from my prologue. However, I decided to follow the advice and completely discard the prologue, spreading its content to the first chapter. So if you haven't read the prologue, you're perfectly fine, as this is a fresh start!

I first wanted to split this chapter into two submissions, but I felt like there wasn't much to comment in the first half, so decided to keep it as it is.

And as a side note, I plan to have another chapter with a different PoV before this chapter, so you may write your review keeping in mind that this will probably not be the beginning of the book.

Things that I would appreciate as feedback, but not required:

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  • Again, I'm not a native speaker, so line edits and prose comments help me more than anything!
  • How did you find the general pacing? Was it slow? Boring?
  • How were the dialogues? Did they feel natural and flow well?
  • Did you find Claron's cursing too much? Did it feel like like the author trying to be edgy, or did it make you feel Claron was just a grumpy old dude like I've intended.
  • Related to the upper point, did Claron feel like an old character? (He is around 55)
  • I was told my characterization was bad in the prologue. How is it this time around? Are the characters good enough for you to care about them?
  • Were there any lines or sentences you liked?
  • Were my descriptions too vague, or too much? Could you, for instance, picture the zenhar race clearly in your head?
  • Since this is a fresh start, I'll ask again. Was the hook strong enough to make you want to read the rest of the story?
  • Was the worldbuilding too vague to make you confused? I like to generally explain the world in dialogues, and I don't know if I did a good job.

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My critiques:

[3015] (Around 700 leftover words from this)

[2676]

[2418]

Edit: [2981]

Posted Apr 30, 2022, 10:34 PM UTC · edited

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