[3870] Lament of the Silence - Chapter 1 (or 2)
Link to the chapter! (as a heads up, the story involves themes like drug addiction and suicide)
Hey again everyone! This is a follow-up post from my prologue. However, I decided to follow the advice and completely discard the prologue, spreading its content to the first chapter. So if you haven't read the prologue, you're perfectly fine, as this is a fresh start!
I first wanted to split this chapter into two submissions, but I felt like there wasn't much to comment in the first half, so decided to keep it as it is.
And as a side note, I plan to have another chapter with a different PoV before this chapter, so you may write your review keeping in mind that this will probably not be the beginning of the book.
Things that I would appreciate as feedback, but not required:
- Again, I'm not a native speaker, so line edits and prose comments help me more than anything!
- How did you find the general pacing? Was it slow? Boring?
- How were the dialogues? Did they feel natural and flow well?
- Did you find Claron's cursing too much? Did it feel like like the author trying to be edgy, or did it make you feel Claron was just a grumpy old dude like I've intended.
- Related to the upper point, did Claron feel like an old character? (He is around 55)
- I was told my characterization was bad in the prologue. How is it this time around? Are the characters good enough for you to care about them?
- Were there any lines or sentences you liked?
- Were my descriptions too vague, or too much? Could you, for instance, picture the zenhar race clearly in your head?
- Since this is a fresh start, I'll ask again. Was the hook strong enough to make you want to read the rest of the story?
- Was the worldbuilding too vague to make you confused? I like to generally explain the world in dialogues, and I don't know if I did a good job.
My critiques:
[3015] (Around 700 leftover words from this)
Edit: [2981]
Posted Apr 30, 2022, 10:34 PM UTC · edited