An archaeological trench
To excavate a life
From which
secrets are wrenched
Examined and sketched
Reliefed against sky
Creating contrast
truth against lie
A mistake perhaps
In that
such artifacts
Prompt questions
That shouldn’t be asked
Now revealed
As actual fact
Can’t be concealed
Nor taken back
Posted May 2, 2022, 1:10 PM UTC · edited
Ooo- I like this. Thanks for sharing.
I had to read it twice before I really got it, I think if you change some of your capitalization choices it might be easier to immediately get it and dig it (harhar, no pun intended).
I'm not sure how to describe your meter or rhyme, but I like it. It's very free-flowing, yet it still has a nice beat.
I suppose the one line I'm less into is:
< Reliefed against sky
I love the image of the blue sky in my mind, but reliefed... well the red line below the word as I type shows Google agrees with me that reliefed is not a word. Inscribed? Illuminated? Scraped? I don't know, but a word that we actually use and doesn't feel unnatural.
Thanks again for sharing this fun and titillating poem!
Thank you- I think that you’re right about the capitalizations. I’ll clean that up. As for the word, “Reliefed,” you’re right. It’s not an actual word. I stole it from William Faulkner; when he used it, it more or less meant, “compared to” or one thing being contrasted against something else. You are right to be confused by it. Faulkner’s words:
“…the dogs and the bears and the deer, juxtaposed and reliefed against it, ordered and compelled…” The,”it,” in this case is the wilderness.
Ah interesting allusion... but I think Faulkner's works because the wilderness seems more solid than the sky, though I realize it's all rather ethereal. :P
Poetry isn’t my strength. I’m still trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Your point on, “reliefed,” is a good one though. Cheers.
Poetry is a new form of writing for me as well... I never thought I'd be a poet...
Deep 🤟🏻
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Pup I even love reading what you say about others work. Almost seem like I know you.
This poem feels really advanced for an amateur! A lot to unpack here. No definite meter, but definitely some interesting rhyme schemes. Trench wrenched. Life sky lie. Perhaps artifacts back that fact. These things really bring an overall cohesion to the grand scheme. Thanks for sharing!