Trying: A Diary

I love refrain poems like this and you fully justified the form. There were so many original, startling images in this poem like palms closing on their own, the face in the mirror shying away. Imho, the poem was the strongest at the beginning then it started becoming more generic with the terms like staying in bed.

The imagery in this poem was amazing! I agree with the other comment, those lines were startling in the best way. Really caught my attention. Also loved the way it ended, “I’m not ready to try again.” From my perspective, the whole poem really articulated life while suffering with a mental illness. All the effort and exhaustion, while your own body is working against you. Really great work 👏

I'm trying to figure out what this person was trying to do, or accomplish, which they kept failing at. This dialing the phone, do they need to reach out and make amends for some reason but can't? Hence, failing to be a better person.

Wow... I appreciate every word and relate on another level.

So moving :)

Wow this poem truly struck a chord. I think we all can relate to this in some way, shape or form. My favorite aspect is how it doesn't culminate in some happy or even hopeful ending. It is realistic and doesn't try to be what its not.

I feel this deep. Incredibly imagery.

Mmmm! I really like this! I interpreted it as commentary on how we often tell ourselves we'll do something but rarely actually do it. This defintely would hit very close to home for a lot of people. I know that I myself have had moments where I was bent on changing but couldn't. Love the anaphora as well. Really reflects the painstaking obsession that can come with improvement.

Nice work!

I like the repetition, but maybe do it more seldom to make it more impactful.

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I love this. The repetition is implemented to absolute perfection as it conveys the steady grind of everyday life; especially when one is in a dysthymic headspace. I also love how the first two stanzas are identical. Makes it realistic as in real life things need a certain amount of time to get going. Very clever. It's also interesting to note how exhausted the person is, eventhough, on the outside, very little has happened really showing that the person has very little to give in the first place, probably being extremely depleted and depressed. Very effective writing. Thank you for sharing, great work.

I really liked your poem! It evoked a all too common feeling to needing to be better. The repetition played so well in showing the true exhaustion that comes with feeling that you fail and have to start over again. You can also try to add more metaphors in your poem to help building more images.