BusyAssistant

Just took a walk and was close to jumping out in front of oncoming trucks. Kept telling myself if I saw a specific company's truck I'd do it (they have large trucks. No 18 wheelers on this road bit some big ones). I never saw that company's truck. I could have done it with some other ones but I chickened out. Then when I turned off the main road and was away from the cars I switched to thinking about shooting myself in the mouth. Today has been really bad. Like constant thoughts all day. Idk what to do.

Wanna die

I wouldn't consider myself depressed...I have a somewhat decent life and all. But I keep getting these recurring thoughts that I should kill myself. Sometimes it's just an intrusive "I want to die" and then it goes away. Sometimes the thought comes and it causes me pain. Other times it seems like a good idea and I really do want to do it. Am I really suicidal or is it something else? I see a therapist but it's for substance abuse. Should I find anotber one more related to mental health or can I make these thoughts to away somehow? Thanks.

I am about to stop taking subs in a few days. Currently on 2 mg per day. Have been on for ~ 2.5 years. I am heading to primate care on Monday to ask for meds which will ease the process (sleeping, discomfort). The ones I'm asking for now are ones that I learned about when in detox and inpatient treatment for opioids. Here they are: Flexeril, Clonidine. The two over the counter ones I'll buy are Benadryl and melatonin.

Any other suggestions (OTC or prescribed)? Thanks.

Like title says