Not really looking for a meaningful response, just venting a bit. The school shooting in Uvalde shook me up and this mornings news is not good either.
Edit: looks like this one was likely not racially motivated. Still, a tragic loss of many lives.
Posted Jan 22, 2023, 5:25 PM UTC · edited
Hard disagree with everyone saying not to mention race. Your kids are Asian and some kids are gonna bully them because of it. But fortunately in all likelihood it wont involve a gun. It is important for them to understand that this kind of racism does happen and it is no fault of their own. Make sure they know they can always stand up for themselves verbally (and physically if necessary). And they have no reason to be ashamed of their culture. If anything try to expose them to Asian pop culture and have them mingle with other Asian kids around their age. That way they feel some strength in numbers and a bond with their own community
I think it depends on how old your kids are. My daughter is six and is mixed, we have still yet to really get into talking about race. I’m not avoiding the topic, just kind of waiting for it to be the right time.
Similarly I think how old they are determines when you might have the threat of death/violence talk. Would there be any merit in discussing this with a 3.5 year old, probably not, but a 9 year old, sure.
I believe in being 100% honest w kids when the time is right.
I can't even turn on the news anymore. It's way too depressing and aggravating and more so aggravating because I know it's designed to be as such.
I have no real good advice as I'm someone who grew up with a default sense of privilege that I was unaware of. On one hand I'd like to say, can we just ignore all that for the younger generations so that they don't grow up thinking about it, but I know that's probably not good advice for anyone who actually has to deal with these things.
I can give a mean virtual hug and tell you, you have an ally out of me in terms of being a bystander that doesn't just put their head down and walk away but instead speaking up when they witness the kind of BS you have to deal with.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. It's very helpful just to get other people's input.
A few thoughts: Too much news is just really depressing.
As a minority, I think that the issue of race is intrinsic to these discussions although I think that it might be easier to discuss with my kids if I can hold off on the race part (at least for now) to introduce the concepts separately. I guess it's a matter of knowing when they are ready, as u/yunbld mentioned.
u/Cheesebottoms - that's really tough. I'm not great with words but I know you're doing everything you can to keep your son safe. Much love.
And thanks u/VTEC168 for the suggestions on culture and strength in numbers
I think it's important to open the conversation about complex and scary subjects with your kids before you think they're ready, in a way that fits in with your family and their age. You can talk about racism, about violence, in it in an appropriate way for the age and understanding of your kid and it both makes it easier for them to ask questions when it comes up and sets them up for having a baseline that you set with them rather than is thrust on them from someone else.
I think I'd start with a definition of racism in general, a statement of it's existence, and a succinct personal judgement to make it personal. That opens the conversation and you can pick it up again when one of you thinks appropriate.
Great advice. Thank you
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Well said and heartily agree.
The words "sad and terrifying" came to mind earlier when reading through cheesebottoms' response.
I am not sure if we can say for sure that the Monterey Park tragedy was not a hate crime.
Yes, the perpetrator was an Asian committing the heinous acts on other Asians. However, the perpetrator's surname suggests Vietnamese ancestry while he specifically targeted an area filled with people of Chinese descent.
Although the attack being racially motivated could be ruled out, it could have been ethnically motivated. Pedantic post done.
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I feel for you. I try to teach my kids that there are a lot of bad people in this world. But, there are a lot more good people. I tell them to treat others with love and respect not hate and resentment. I don't have the heart to tell them that they will be discriminated against because they are white.
Wow, even the daddit sub is not able to handle this tough subject with the empathy and understanding it usually does. Mindblown!
I'm not really familiar with any cases of Asians being targeted and killed for being Asian.
On the discrimination part, all kids for the most part face discrimination for various things. Kids are mean and will find any and everything different about their peers to make fun of them for. I would advise you to counsel your kid the same way every other parent does.
Due to the high degree of success Asians routinely achieve in academics and employment in the US I wouldn't worry about any kind of systematic discrimination.
I think you’re confusing bullying and discrimination.
I honestly wouldn't get into the race part of it. This can tragically happen to anyone, it can happen to a bunch of white churches goers or people at a country music concert, it could happen to a bunch of people at a lgbt night club, it could happen to a largely black grocery store etc. I'd personally just explain there are sick people in this world that do terrible things. You as a parent will always do everything you can to protect them.
edit: Appears the man was of Asian ethnicity, so this doesn't appear to be a racially driven shooting, likely he just targeted his own community. His motives are not known yet, but doesn't appear to be racially driven.
This might be the right advice for a child, but really needs to be caveated with an acknowledgment of the massive increase in hate crimes targeting Asian Americans since 2020.
I also have no idea what the right answer is. But if fucking sucks you even have to consider having this conversation. I’m sorry.
I agree, wasn't intended to take away from the issues, that is a problem of society and the human condition.
Same goes with the subject of math......math Is a very complex subject, skipping straight to collage level math and above the bounds of math is near impossible to conceptualize even when you spend years dedicated to your life towards it . Yet we Teach it to kids in grade 1......you never avoid the subject, instead the way you approach the subject changes. Your job as a parent isn't soley to protect them it's also to educate them, protecting just hurts them if done to such an extent.
Do you mean discrimination against Asians in college admissions? Because that’s a very real example of racial discrimination. You can explain how the Supreme Court has taken up this affirmative action case & will determine whether this kind of discrimination can legally continue.
I agree with the first commenter. Race, ethnicity, whatever you want to call it doesn't need to be mentioned here. It could happen to any group of people where there is any discrimination against.
You’re ignorant of the sociocultural environment in the US.
Look. I’m a white dude who married a white woman, and we have a white son. Statistically speaking, the fact of the matter is my son doesn’t have to deal with the kind of racial profiling and discrimination others face in the US. He is far, far less likely to be targeted against for his ethnicity. The fact that he doesn’t get stopped just because the color of his skin automatically makes him “suspicious” is an example of white privilege in America.
I’m guessing you’re white and never had to think about having this kind of talk with your children. And since you never had to have this kind of talk with your kids, you think it doesn’t need to be had. That too is a kind of privilege.
I'm mixed (latino/white).
I'm from Europe. It's true the sociocultural environment is different here. I was only talking about my take on the matter (probably through European eyes).
In my own experience. I was born with a disability, I've been picked on, bullied, discriminated because of my disability. My parents never explained to me I could experience that because I'm "different" than the others. They did tell me that I should tell them or the teachers and I received support from those angles. My parents tried to raise me as much as possible as a part of society without "a difference from the others".
I know it's not the same as having another ethnicity than "being white". But in the aspect of "me being different from them" it's kind of similar.
So from my experience I'm not going to raise my son with the warning "you could be picked on because you're different". I will raise my son with the mindset of when he's experiencing trouble, he can come and tell his parents/his teachers and we will look for a solution.
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Man, i live on argentine, far far away in south américa, and i get so spooky when i hear this kind of things.
I work on IT and most of my coworkers went to US at least a couple times on vacation, and frankly i don't get it, it just has so bad (confirmed) marketing.
The gun culture, racism and school shooting, and everything attached to that are a Big red flag and no-no for me tbh.
The funny thing is that if you live here in the US a lot of people will tell you how dangerous it is to go anywhere else.
And yet several times now while I have been traveling to these dangerous places there’s been another mass shooting not far from where I live while I’m gone! Hmmm!
USA has a lower per Capita murder rate than Argentina.
Pretty comparable, but not actually true according to this anyway: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_countries\_by\_intentional\_homicide\_rate