Living Corpse/The Occider party [2177]

After getting a lot of helpful feedback on the last draft of my First chapter previously titled “Turn the Waste of Space to Ash,” I’ve rewritten it.

This is still going to be the third installment in a series (all of which is a work in progress.)

The main plot is as follows: the story is a modern-day urban fantasy. Humans and creatures coexist which has created a lot of violence and political tension. While our main Mc is a cyclops battling not only the state of the world but her mental state, and the will to function in a dying society.

Some things to note that I guess weren’t made clear last time.

• cyclopses in this world aren’t giants they're human-sized. (So literally just imagine a human with green skin and one eye and boom cyclopes.)

• while this is a fantasy it’s very loosely fantasy based, as it takes place in modern-day America but with creatures existing along humans and some fantastical elements and culture alongside the real world.

• since this is an assumed third book that’s why I’ve cut most introductions out and gone straight to the chase

• and the title of the doc “The Occider Party.” Is the first chapter title, not the book title. The book is titled “Living Corpse.”

Feedback I’m looking for is anything but I do have a few questions based on previous feedback.

1.) Is there enough of a plot/character goals and if so are they interesting enough to keep you reading?

And

2.) Is Myra’s characterization any better?

I mainly feel I’m struggling with these two things as I’ve chosen to write an MC whose depression has sucked the character and motivation out of them at this point in the narrative. Tho the plot goes on to have them gain both back.

Any other feedback is greatly appreciated and thank you for reading.

Living corpse first chapter.

Critiques

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