[4432] Laser's Saviours.

dark slice-of-life | sci-fi | drama

Hey, I finished making this short story and've been fleshing it out since June. The whole story might be too long for here (lookin like ~30k), so I'm just dropping the first 4 chapters for now for critiquing. It has a prologue, uh-oh, but I know I need it, just don't know how to make it pop as best as I can. I'm looking for critiques from top to bottom - title to last page. Thank you for your help.

Story: A man lives in the sci-fi genre where all the science-y action and fantastical deaths happen. So he tries avoiding that crazy stuff because all he wants is to try some chicken.

*NOTE* I conceptualize this story as one I will draw, so critiquing 'he/she says' lvl stuff wouldn't really help. I want to know if it's interesting enough/how to make it more captivating. Guidance for pace, tone, plot thoughts, etc, you know the rest. How do I keep you from putting it down? (bc I know it's sort of silly lol.)

My story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SmY7llwwGbsxY7onAhHgu-f9DLh4lq3SZCIYe115wi4/edit

~My critiques~

Draugma Skeu [1983]

Dreams' Graveyard [4200]

Burls and Burl Beasts [2994] *fave*

Reclamation [2037]

Harvest Blessing [3836]

Smile... [2429]

Spy of the Mind [2690]

= 20169 I enjoy reading and critiquing.

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Posted Aug 29, 2023, 5:10 PM UTC

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