Source
r/OCPoetry•
dariana_marii

Untitled

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I first realized that my parents

were adults when my father

told me that my mother

didn't love him. I felt as if

my intestines squeezed themselves

into knots, choking my gut to

believe that life would always

be this way, that love was my

exhausted mother returning home so

that my father could scream at

her, next door neighbors poking their

eyes through blinds at his enraged voice.

​

I first realized that my parents

were adults when my mother

grieved her dead brother as my

father sits and drinks his fourth

can of the day.

​

I first realized that my parents

were adults when I searched for family.

​

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Posted Apr 22, 2020, 4:15 PM UTC

65
Straightouttajakku12•

I love how you immediately captured my attention as a reader with this blunt line:

I first realized that my parents

were adults when my father

told me that my mother

didn't love him.

It's honest and gives the reader the context they need moving forward. From there the stream of consciousness-style format helps aptly convey the cavalcade of emotions that come toppling down as you navigate all the situations you've been placed in.

I don't have too much complaint other than I feel like the line "next door neighbors poking their//eyes through blinds at his enraged voice" feels out of place right after you talk exclusively about your parents' interactions and actions. They feel like unneeded characters within the story.

2
rachelpoppins•

I have a soft spot for poetry about family. Like the comment above, you have an incredible attention grabber. The narration of this poem accomplished two things for readers: allowed them to feel what the narrator feels AND the reader to feel something in themselves.

2
rachelpoppins•

If I were writing this though, I would split the line that says “her dead brother as my” I would put “as my” on the line below it. Earlier in the poem, when you describe your father screaming at your mother, I would put the word “her” on the same line.

2
SafeGuard52•

I do like the poem and how it naturally develops. However It would really be interesting to have a better illustration of what being an adult really means to you, and what it means for your parents to be adults as well. I say this because the concept of adulthood can mean a large variety of things to differing perspectives. As a reader I feel as though I would better connect to your poem if I got the chance to understand what it means to be an adult from your perspective.

2
deezeelo•

This was a great read. I think realizations of parents are quite memorable to many people. I can remember distinct moments where I had epiphanies about who my parents were as people, separate from being just my mother/father. I think you do a great job of conveying this idea, and I feel like it provides ambiguous perspective, meaning I was able to imagine the story from many sides while keeping focused on the main idea. Thank you for creating this!

2