I don't feel worthy for MLP anymore.

Previous Posts: Scared to be myself – Everyone is better than me – Update to "Scared to be myself" – I'm craving for attention – I only see the negatives

It's 4.27 AM, I've been streaming for 4.5h today, I'm tired as hell, but I still need to get this off my chest now. Considering my current state it will probably become a pretty short post. It still is very important to me.

Ever since the season finale, I haven't visited r/mylittlepony. I never really have visited r/mlplounge, except for when I was making announcements, like my stream today, or when I got my secret santa gift. I haven't watched the show since the finale either.

You probably now wonder, why? I don't feel worthy anymore. Wherever I go, I spread bad mood, grief, depression. I can turn a happy conversation in a deep, depressive spiral in a heartbeat. I really miss the main sub and I feel like the plounge has a really nice community, too, but I can't just go there. I would ruin everything.

As for the show, it's similar. Someone like me just doesn't deserve something this good. It's like throwing pearls before swine. On one hand, there is an unlimited supply, but I can't live with the fact that something that has gotten so much love an heartblood in its creation just gets abused by me for distracting me from my shitty, lonely life.

I don't know what I'm expecting from this post, but I still felt like I should make it. It might help. Or not. I don't know. I will go to sleep now, so don't expect a reply until in about 8h. When I get up I'll probably make my next posts, as there's another thing I need to talk about...