grimpaper

This is frightening: http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/local/2015/12/11/police-grandma-wore-fake-beard-get-into-city-high/77166044/

Fortunately the school / police did something, but really this person should be in jail for this behavior. Just think, if this was some random person they would be in jail (or shot and killed) right now for their actions but because it's the 'grandmother' they're being awfully lenient. We don't live in a society where you can get at children like that. Sick sick sick! At the very least she should be on ankle-bracelet monitoring so she can't go in the school.

Edit: typos

For years I was deluded into thinking that the Enablers were better because they weren't harming me. That's not true. Just because they weren't harming me directly like the Ns, doesn't mean they hadn't abdicated their duties as adults or really as decent human beings. Much like an N, they valued 'appearances' and selfish ease over my personal safety. They make a CHOICE to allow the abuse. It's easier to let the child take the abuse than to stand up to an adult after all. It's easier to let the child take the abuse than to deal with the community 'talking.' Even now that I'm an adult, their lies make my life and safety more difficult. It's easier to let the victim be painted as 'mental proble

Prior to NC and now as a way to try to break NC, my Ns have used the excuse "We thought it was a cry for help!"

They don't listen to what I say, just what they want to hear so they can take the actions they WANT to and ignore the boundaries I have set.

Try to set a boundary? It must secretly be a "Cry for Help" so we can take whatever action we deem "necessary" to provide that "Help"!

Saw something about me through your incessant stalking? It must secretly be a "Cry for Help" directed towards us so we can take whatever action we deem "necessary" to provide that "Help"!

Saw something I didn't do but looks like me/has the same name as me? It's probably me putting out a "Cry for Help" so we

The comments have some great strategies too: http://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html

When I was in elementary school, I tried pointing out to my Ns when I did something significantly better than the GC had or when I was being the good child and not the GC. At the time I was young enough to believe it would help. I so wanted their positive attention. My Ns would cut this off with "It's not a competition."

They were right. It wasn't a competition. In a competition winning is actually in the realm of possibilities.

Like many here, I've often had my feelings, my needs, dismissed with a 'Why are you so sensitive?' or 'You're just hyper-sensitive!' The abuser does this -- but so do third parties. Here we guard against that inconsiderate behavior by reminding everyone of the context of abuse. Lately I've been thinking that in some ways it's like a sports injury. This is not "what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" -- instead this is the result of sustained stress and/or a part that never quite works right again due to a traumatic event. We have to take care of it -- it's a bad idea to just keep playing on. It can be rehabilitated but must be treated with care. We have to remain cognizant of it

What would be good to donate to? Charities? Shelters? Other programs?

I looked into a restraining order. Apparently the Ns can contest it and which point it goes to a judge trial. My Ns have plenty of money and will certainly get a legal team and private detectives. I suspect they will bring every extended family member out of the woodwork to state they never saw anything abusive. I suspect GCSibling will also testify to that and there will be perjury.

Trial would be expensive in terms of hiring a lawyer and I think Ns would drag it out to run up the tab since they know they have the financial advantage. I am also afraid of being abused on the stand by them.

Does anyone have experience with trying to get a restraining order when it comes to a trial and you

N throws objects at you. You get hit with an object. N claims it's your fault for dodging because they were aiming to miss.

I know many of us here want a true apology from their Ns. I don't. I just want to be left alone. I'm not really sure why. Is it because I've given up? Is it because I can only imagine the N-pologies coming from them? Is it because at this point anything they say or do that I have to deal with hurts?

For me, I don't think a true apology would do anything... but then again, I can't imagine what one would be like.

I would like an apology from all of the periphery who have not believed me all of these years, or as I like to call them, the pro-abuse types.

Extended family member (EFM) said they were being neutral and would keep our contact a secret and respect my privacy. EFM slipped up sometimes but I was understanding. Recently I told EFM about the extreme stalking behavior of my Ns. EFM's response was to give Ns information on me and then contact me like nothing had happened.

Yeah that's it, we're done. EFM likely only has a few years left. I felt bad not being able to visit EFM but I don't anymore. There really is a sense of closure, knowing you're done. This relationship, that never really was, is done.

One day N1 and I came home to discover there was a pretty serious fire in our apartment. Apparently N2 was cooking when GCSibling demanded N2's attention for something minor. N2 left the stove unattended and the kitchen caught fire. N2 blamed this on GCSibling's insistence for N2's attention at that time.

I remember being so relieved that for once it wasn't me, that even GCSibling could screw up. Whenever this incident was brought up, less so as the years went by but definitely several times the year it took place, N2 always blamed it on GCSibling.

Now that I'm an adult, I realize that it wasn't GCSibling's fault. GCSibling was 7. N2 was an adult. It was ridiculous for me to think it was G

I have to snort at this one. N1 shoots "It's not like we think about you often. We have our own fulfilling lives. Can you say the same?" while N2 shoots "How does it feel breaking your mother's and father's (and sibling's) heart every day?"

Yup. Pretty obvious they're both just meant to try to hurt me and don't actually mean anything when they contradict each other like that. I don't need people trying to hurt me in my life.

My Ns have been pushing really hard to break the NC. It feels really violating. It makes my skin crawl.

One thing they've been doing is using fake or misleading return addresses to fool me or my roommate.

Example 1: One of my N's works for an important state agency and uses official envelopes from that agency. Of course I always have to open them in case they're real.

Example 2: One was the name/address of my kindly cousin who died several years ago. My roommate brought it in because she didn't know -- different last name. I view this one as a partial threat -- my Ns were banking on my roommate not knowing while sending a coded message to me about the safety of my life.

After all the ab

I've always thought that question comes up in most families. It seems normal. I figured that maybe they said it to my GCSibling about me... though they never did that in front of me so I wouldn't know. Now I'm beginning to look back and wonder. For what it's worth, I had better grades and test scores compared to GCSibling, I broke fewer rules, and I was very careful to cause less work for my Ns (e.g., not doing anything they would need me to drive for, not inviting friends without asking permission, not buying expensive clothes, etc). My Ns never liked any of my friends but liked my GCSibling's.

Of course, there are some things that happen in both normal and abusive families but mean differ