straycolly

The Story of a Mother

Hey! Thought this might be a good place to share an animation I made for my final degree project.

It's not perfect, and I hope no one gets upset that I changed the ending, but I spent a lot of time on it so I'd like for more than just my unit co-ordinator to see it aha

Hello

Another attempt at creative non-fiction. This one is about my experience as a child when I was growing up on a farm in a time of extreme drought in Outback Australia.

my story

I normally attempt to write fantasy novels, so its a bit of a genre change! I'd like eventually to enter some short story competitions, so I'm open to any feedback you have.

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My critiques: 448, [606](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/rdp6ny/606_luminior_city_of_the_sun_last_bastion_o

So I'm hesitant to post this here because it's technically a memoir(which sounds just incredibly pretentious) and I know people usually here critique fiction- which is what I usually write.

But I had an unusual childhood and my friend suggested I try to publish a short story or two about it.

Feedback I'd like:

-Obviously memoir structure is quite different to a fiction short story but if you are familiar with memoirs I'm happy to take you're advice on that- I read a few and they varied a lot in how they were done

-Language: did I use any words or terms that you just had no idea what I was talking about?

-any other comments you have, did you find it interesting, what mood did you get

Hi there

After implementing some feedback from my last post(mostly sentence structure stuff) I just wanted some feedback on how its sounding.

Also if anyone has any suggestions on comps I'd love to hear them- I'm too close to it so I'm really struggling.

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The query:

Queen Idora occasionally daydreams of watching her Kingdom burn.

She is not the ruler her people need or the wife her husband wants. Forced to live in the shadow of the Carve, a great chasm that splits their world in two, Idora is a subject to her King and his ambitions of crossing it.

When the stranger arrives, a Mage long-awaited, Idora doesn’t trust him. Not his youthful face or his words of many meanings

Dear (Agent)

I am writing to you because(personalize).

Carve is a fantasy novel(75 000 words) with dark fairytale elements similar to Holly Blacks ‘The Darkest Part of the Forest’, and a peculiar protagonist reminiscent of that in ‘Human Croquet’ by Kate Atkinson.

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Queen Idora occasionally daydreams of watching her kingdom burn.

She is not the ruler her people need, nor the wife her husband wants. Living in the shadow of the Carve, a great chasm splitting their world in two, she is a subject to her King and his ambitions of crossing it.

When the stranger arrives, a Mage long awaited, it seems even the monsters which thrive on the Carve's mysterious influence won’t stand

Hi there! The beginning chapters of a longer manuscript which will be around 70 000 words in total. I've re-written and edited it a couple of times but I think it's time to get fresh eyes on it before I tweak it anymore.

Blurb(work in progress): Far in the north, a new face is a rare thing. When Mage Marten arrives the Kingdom holds its breath for a swift victory over the Carve, man-kinds oldest enemy. But Queen Idora see's things differently, in fact, she appears to be seeing things no one else does. Her husband sinking further into the Mage's clutches, Idora at first fears for her own secrets, so well kept until now. But as things in Castle Hadrod grow ever darker and more bizarre, as

Hello again

Third chapter of a 70 000 word novel.

Obviously some of the references won't make sense seeing as you haven't read the first chapters so to sum up the Hallowed are monsters, the Carve is a really big barrier and the Mage is new.

I'll take any feedback but I'd like to know what you think of the dialogue, if the actions are clear, what mood the overall voice gives to you.

My piece: 2839

My critiques: 1446 and I have around 1800 unused words of this one [4338](https:/

Hello there, looking to get some feedback on an excerpt from my 65000-word dark fantasy novel.

Critiques I've gotten in the past include overly long sentences and a lack of clarity, so while I'm keen to hear all your thoughts I'd like to know how you feel about that too!

Thanks in advance.

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The piece: 2455

My critique: 4338

I read it about ten years ago, I think it’s a trilogy.

The girl has no memory but is also disfigured from falling into some thorns or something? She’s healed at some point- I think when some fae prince kisses her.

There’s lots of creatures throughout, with an Irish folklore type feel to them. I think some of the story takes place in mans world and some in a realm.

That’s pretty much all I can remember…

I’m in r/booksuggestions but I don’t know if this specific kind of post is allowed there? I want to be able to describe what I remember about the book and hopefully someone can tell me the name of it. I have tried googling it.

Hi. I posted a couple days ago with the first chapter and half of my 65000- word novel. I've re-written the 1st half of the second chapter based on feedback from that and I thought it would be good to get eyes on the new version! Specifically... everything? Last critiques said I was being a bit wordy and giving irrelevant information(and they were right), so let me know if I've fixed that I guess?

My critique: 3359

What I want critiqued: 2199

My first chapter, in case you want the context: [8