The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 6

This is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. He is actually making it a point to watch zero games this season to make this post even more authentic. We tied last week at 7 out of 13. I'm not pleased with how this season has started and I have no confidence that I stand a chance against him. Picking against the spread is a fools errand. I make my money in money line parlays. But alas, here we are.

Brandon also wanted me to let all of you know that I am also bad at picking games in League of Legends. He asked me to pick a bracket for him and apparently I am doing terrible in that too. If interested, you can check out my bracket here

If you get to the end of this post and think "hey, these Canadian chaps are a delight. I'd like to read other interactions between them," you can read all the previous weeks below

Week 1||Week 2||Week 3||Week 4||Week 5

YTD - Brandon 36-36 Gary 35-37

On to week 6

Dolphins +11@ Falcons

Brandon - Falcons: - The peregrine falcon is known for its intense speed and diving ability. And as a bird of prey it will be looking out for movement in the water, destroying the clearly vulnerable dolphin under the sea. Or so he says.

Gary - Falcons: I don't know man. Huge spread, shit team. This one was tough. If it was in Miami I might have a different answer, but it's not. Atlanta is a good team. Miami is not. End of story

Packers -3.5@ Vikings

Brandon - Packers: I assumed he was going to pick Green Bay as he mentioned last week that they were "his Packers." His reasoning is much better than just that though. He says the Packers will "send the Vikings 'packing' and shipping them back to Viking-land." What an articulate older brother I have.

Gary - Vikings: I'd like to start off by saying I don't like this game at all. Minnesota's D has shown what they can do these last few weeks. I think/know that Green Bay will have some late game drive to win the game, but I don't think they'll win by more than 3.

Lions +4.5@ Saints

Brandon - Lions: He's actually a little concerned for this game. He's not certain that the Saints will even participate at all. As you may know if you have read the Narnia books, Aslan the lion is symbolic of God. And if the Saints are REAL saints, then they will be forced to kneel for the Lions with whom they see as a gods in their eyes. I look forward to what the ownership group would be forced to do, as the kneeling would not be a protest or political at all, however it is a sign of religious belief and faith. Should make for an interesting narrative in the weeks to come.

Gary - Lions: I continue to have faith in the lions. It's a painful situation. It's very similar to the damage I take defending Blake Bortles. I know he's bad, but I like him. It's the same think with the Lions. I know they aren't great, but my heart doesn't listen.

Patriots -9.5@ Jets

Brandon - Jets: Apparently the only thing true american patriots love more than football, is the jets that do the flyovers after America the Beautiful or The Star Spangled Banner at said football games. Therefore, advantage the New York Football Jets.

Gary - Patriots: They had 10 days to study this Jets team. Give Coach Bill 4 days, he's good. Give him a week, he's great. Give him 10 days, hes unstoppable. Not unlike John "Hannibal" Smith from the popular '80's crime drama, The A Team. Great show.

49ers +9.5@ Redskins

Brandon - I swear to god if he picks the Redskins because of racism I'm going to lose it. Ok, I'll ask him now. 49ers: Well he didn't pick the Redskins. But he did pick San Francisco because he doesn't like racism. So now I don't know how to feel.

Gary - *Redskins:*This spread scared me. San Fran is winless, but they've been there in a lot of games. So I had to do some research, which most degenerates know is a mistake. Nonetheless I did it. We know that Cousins has quietly been one of the best QBs in the league for a few years. San Francisco Has the 26th ranked defence in terms of passing yrds and 25th ranked in defensive weighted DVOA. Spread seems accurate.

Bears +6.5@ Ravens

Brandon - Ravens: As you may know, bears this time of year are fattening up for hibernation this time of year. This is going to slow them down drastically. Thus, advantage Baltimore.

Gary - Bears: I'm banking on Mitch Trubisky. Exciting new quarterback and I'm excited to see what he can do.

Browns +9.5@ Texans

Brandon - Texans: He said the only reason he's taking Houston, is because he doesn't even think Cleveland can score 9.5 points.

Gary - Texans: No JJ won't be a factor when Watson puts up 48 points against the terrible Browns defence.

Bucaneers -2.5@ Cardinals

Brandon - Cardinals: "The Pirates of the NFL," are going to force the Cardinals to be their pets, and treat them like they would normally treat parrots. The Cardinals won't stand for this and they will shit all over the Bucs shoulders, completely covering them in it. Hence, Arizona will cover.

Gary - Cardinals: I bad mouthed Palmer in week 1. This has bit me in the ass and I would like to issue and official apology. While he hasn't been great by any means, he's proven he still belongs in the NFL. Plus the Bucs have not impressed me at all.

Rams +2.5@ Jaguars

Brandon - Jaguars: He's basing this entirely on the food chain. Also, rams cant climb trees.

Gary - Rams: I don't see the Jags geting 5 interceptions again, and that was the main reason the were able to beat Pittsburgh. I like Goff. I believe in that offense.

Steelers +4@ Chiefs

Brandon - Steelers: The Steelers are going to steal the game, the same way the Americans stole the land away from the Native Americans. His answers are getting shorter and more offensive. I feel as though I should become more worries

Gary - Chiefs: Chiefs look unstoppable. Until that changes I have a hard time picking against them.

Chargers +3@ Raiders

Brandon - Chargers: He shouted "BOLTMAN" as I mentioned the Chargers. I think he may have found his second favourite team. (Don't like how I spell favourite? Do yourself a favour, and get over it. Canadians are a colourful people, and we have it right.)

Gary - Chargers: Until I know how healthy Carr is, I can't pick the opposition knowing that they are underdogs.

Giants +12@ Broncos

Brandon - Giants: He identifies with the Giants, being 6'7" himself.

Gary - Broncos: I don't share his same affiliation with the Giants. I am only 6'5". Also, Eli isn't good when he has people to throw to against bad defences. Now he has no one to throw to and against a killer defence. I actually question how high this spread would have to be to make me pick New York.

Colts PICK@ Titans

Brandon - Titans: He doesn't care at this point. At the time of me writing this, it's 2AM PST and he is watching League of Legends world. His favourite team, TSM, lost earlier and now the team he needs to win for TSM to move on is currently losing. He's lost interest tonight and is now focused intently on the TV. He would like to offer an apology for his actions.

Gary - Colts - I don't know man. Because reasons.

I'm really enjoying writing this, whether anyone is reading it or not. However, I would like to keep doing it and writing other pieces as well so if any of you have feedback, positive or negative let me know. If you so choose you can follow me on the twitter machine @TheGaryKozchuck. I'm also trying to figure out a way to put this in podcast form so if any of you would like something like that, then let me know so I can work more vigilantly on it. Thanks, and happy betting.