The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 7

This is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. He is actually making it a point to watch zero games this season to make this post even more authentic. I'm not pleased with how this season has started and I have no confidence that I stand a chance against him. I've also made a few mistakes apparently in keeping track of wins and losses so those of you who have been following this post, the year to date stats will now be correct. Picking against the spread is a fools errand. I make my money in money line parlays. But alas, here we are.

For those wanting to go back and read the previous weeks, you can find them here: Week 1||Week 2||Week 3||Week4||Week 5||Week 6

YTD - Brandon - 44-43 Gary - 40-47

On to week 7

Buccaneers +3@ Bills

Brandon - Buccaneers - I've been told the Buccaneers will force the Bill "Nyes" to walk the plank, which I assume to mean they will cover the spread.

Gary - Bills - They've covered the spread 4-5 weeks and they are coming off a bye. The bucs haven't really impressed me in the slightest.

Panthers -3@ Bears

Brandon - Panthers - He struggled with this because both bears, and panthers can climb trees. So his end explanation was just that the Bears aren't very good. Hard to argue that.

Gary - Panthers - I love what the 10 god, Mitch Trubisky, has done. But I don't think the rest of his team is any good at all. I think Carolina should win this game pretty handily.

Titans -6.5@ Browns

Brandon - Browns - He made some analogy about the Browns being some poop on the bottom of your shoes, and no matter what you do you can't get it all off, and inevitably drag it all over the house.

Gary - Titans - Nope, not taking the Browns.

Saints -6@ Packers

Brandon - Packers - First off, he knew who Aaron Rodgers was again. Still shocking but then again he does say that Green Bay is his team. Though he doesn't care about his injury so take that for what you want. He the went on another spiel about the Saints spreading religion. Then he brought up the fact that the citizens of Green Bay own the team, another fact I'm shocked he knows. So the citizens are going to be mad at the Saints for spreading their religion all over their modest Wisconsin city, and "chase the Saints out of town with pitch forks."

Gary - Saints - No Aaron Rodgers, no Packers. Not yet, unless it was the Browns, they suck.

Jaguars -3.5@ Colts

Brandon - Jaguars - The animals will be forced to have a foot race and he wanted to know which one is a faster animal. So we googled it, and while the colts would win in a long distance race, this is footbal, and its only a 100 yrd dash

Gary - Jaguars - I like the Jaguars still. In Bortles we trust. Because I'm an idiot.

Cardinals +3.5@ Rams

Brandon - Cardinals - The cardinal and the goat are normally pals, so it will be a pretty even game most of the way. But, at the end of the day the cardinal is a sadistic animal and will peck the eyes out of the rams.

Gary - Rams - Still like the Rams offense, though this was tough. The Cards had a great week last week, but their defense has holes and I think Goff and that offense will tear through it.

Jets +3@ Dolphins

Brandon - Dolphins - His only reason is because fighter jets can't play football. Sound logic if dolphins were capable of it.

Gary - Jets - I'm not sure why, but I like the Jets in this game. They beat the Dophins in week 3 and I think they will repeat this.

Ravens +5.5@ Vikings

Brandon - Ravens - The Viking will be busy storming the land, and the Raven will be present during this, drinking tea for some reason, and the Vikings will be frightened by this obvious bad omen and get themselves back on the boat and back to sea.

Gary - Vikings - I've turned around on the Vikings. I know their last win was against a Rodgersless Green Bay, but they still put up good numbers, and I think they can bring it against the Ravens.

Cowboys -6@ 49ers

Brandon - Cowboys - He hates San Fran because their name confuses him. The cowboys will threaten them with their guns and promise to steal their gold if they do not lay arms and will easily snatch victory out of the 49ers hands.

Gary - Cowboys - San Francisco had broken a record with losing the most games in a row to start a season by 3 or less. I don't see them doing it again. I think the Cowboys are going to come out swinging and dominate.

**Seahawks -5.5@ Giants

Brandon - Giants - The Giants take away the Seahawks higher ground advantage by swatting them out of the sky. And they don't have the stamina to do battle for long because according to Brandon, the seahawk, only eats trash.

Gary - Giants - I think the Seahawks will win, but not by more than a field goal. Can't forget how awful Seattles offensive line is. It's like Russell Wilson is being protected by a piece of parchment paper.

Bengals +5.5@ Steelers

Brandon - Bengals - The Steelers are going to attempt to finish their zoo with the Bengal tiger, but Cincinnati will have none of that shit. Apparent they will make like Zack Efron in High School Musical, and "break free," like that song.

Gary - Steelers - I think I'm just making this as a Chiefs fan who saw first hand exactly what Bell can do with a ball in his hand. Steelers look good again.

Broncos Pick@ Chargers

Brandon - Chargers - Once again he is stoked about Boltman. He then laid out a long story about horses with big manes, on a stormy night. He's laying it out like an episode of twilight zone. So the big burly horse will take cover under a tree. Then BLAMO! Lightning will strike the tree killing the horse leaving Boltman the last man standing. Then he shouted "BOLTMAN WINS."

Gary - Chargers - Boy the Broncos looked incompetent last week. The Giants made them look like minced meat. It was not fun to watch. I don't think the chargers were are very good either, so I'm just going out on a whim.

Falcons +3.5@ Patriots

Brandon - Patriots - The Patriots are going to take their guns, shoot the Falcons out of the sky, and make New England Falcon Chowder out of them. Mmmmmm Chowda'

Gary - Falcons - Big bounce back week by the Falcons coming up. I see them lighting up the Patriots D. I'm probably wrong. I'm usually wrong.

Redskins +5@ Eagles

Brandon - Eagles - He said this is everything American in one game. Eagles, and racism. He then took Phillie, because "America always wins. Eagles beat the Redskins, America beats Racism."

Gary - Redskins - I like the Redskins this year. Very well rounded team. This game will be decided by 3 or less. Guaranteed.

I'm really enjoying writing this, whether anyone is reading it or not. I would like to keep doing it and writing other pieces as well so if any of you have feedback, positive or negative let me know. If you so choose you can follow me on the twitter machine @TheGaryKozchuck. I'm also trying to figure out a way to put this in podcast form so if any of you would like something like that, then let me know so I can work more vigilantly on it. Thanks, and happy betting.