The Degenerate Vs The Novice Chronicles - Week 8

This is a post chronicling me vs my big brother Brandon in a pick 'em pool against the spread in the NFL. I watch too much football, and he watches 1 game a year, and its for the buffet at our Super Bowl party. He is actually making it a point to watch zero games this season to make this post even more authentic.

I'm actually catching up. As of now I'm only 3 back of this imbecile. It's getting heated in our small 900sq/ft condo in suburban western Canada. I will catch him... Who am I kidding. I'm as bad at picking against the spread as Hugh Jackson is at winning games not on Christmas eve.

On another note, if anyone has any ideas as to where I can post this blog other than here that would get more eyes on it, let me know. I'd like to get this out there so I can justify writing more.

For those wanting to go back and read the previous weeks, you can find them here: Week 1||Week 2||Week 3||Week4||Week 5||Week 6||Week 7

YTD - Brandon - 51-49 Gary - 48-52

On to week 8

Vikings -9.5@ Browns

Brandon - Vikings - Minnesota will get on their big ol' boat to North America and smother all it's inhabitants with small pox blankets and cover the spread. I'm pretty sure he may have slept through history class in high school.

Gary - Browns - I don't know. Big spread for whoever Minnesota decided to dress on Sunday. And the Browns are so shitty. I'm going to begrudgingly pick Cleveland.

Raiders +2.5@ Bills

Brandon - Raiders - I'm 2 teams in and he's already really distracted by the League of Legends worlds semi finals. After about 5 minutes of waiting, he spouted off nonsense about Oakland "raiding" a local Buffalo bank and taking $10,000,000 in only small bills, which I guess is his way of saying that the Raiders don't think much of the Bills and will dominate.

Gary - Bills - I still like the Bills. They instill confidence in me that they can get the job done. It's a tough call, and probably the wrong one.

Colts +10@ Bengals

Brandon - Colts - He's very fascinated by a spread of this size. He says that the Bengals are hungry for horse meat and will be very vigilant in their search for it. However, the Colts will cover more ground, tire the jungle cats out, and withstand such a big spread.

Gary - Colts - I get the big spread here, but 10!?

Chargers +7@ Patriots

Brandon - Patriots - Once again, he's excited about Boltman. Please, if you don't know of Boltman, Google him right now. After his reign of terror these last few weeks, Boltman will finally meet his demise at the hands of the New England Patriots.

Gary - Chargers - I don't see Phil Rivers laying down and taking a beating this week. They're riding some serious momentum right now, and I like this being a closer game than most would predict.

Bears +9@ Saints

Brandon - Bears - He's keen on reminding me that hibernation season is coming up soon, but it doesn't always influence his picks. This week is an example of that. He said the Saints are going to feel bad for the Bears in the cold of winter and invite them into their home, feed them porridge, let them sit in their rocking chairs, and sleep in their beds. The Bears will take advantage of this by eating the Saints, as they did to that trespassing bitch Goldilocks.

Gary - Saints - The 10 god Trubisky passed for a staggering 4 completions last week. The Saints are averaging almost 400 total offensive yards. Lets hope I'm right.

Falcons -5@ Jets

Brandon - Jets - In this battle of airborne foes, the Falcons will try to sneak up on the much faster Jets, but inevitably the jet engines will be too much for the winged creatures as they will be sucked into them and be eviscerated.

Gary - Jets - This is my least favourite game to pick this week. Matt Ryan looked awful last week against a sub par defense. But the Jets gonna jet and probably blow this for me.

49ers +10.5@ Eagles

Brandon - Eagles - He says that he would have a hard time picking a team that only gives 49%. Especially when the band The Eagles always give 100%. Because apparently that's relevant.2

Gary - Eagles - I picked the Eagles because of 2 simple words. Carson Wentz

Panthers +2.5@ Buccaneers

Brandon - Buccaneers - The pirate buccaneers need new pelts for their hats, and what would you know it, there's a bunch of beautiful black cats right across the field from them. Rapiers will be everywhere skinning as many cats as humanly possible.

Gary - Panthers - Lamious Winston has been one big disapointment after another.

Texans +5.5@ Seahawks

Brandon - Texas - He explained this is an important battle of old America vs new America. It's going to come down to two things. First, the lenient gun laws in Texas will favour Houston, making them much more dangerous. Second, all the legal marijuana in Washington will leave the Seahawks much more lathargic.

Gary - Seahawks - This is my true long shot. I see big things this sunday for Seattle.

Cowboys PICK@ Redskins

Brandon - Cowboys - I would type this out but I'm not sure its very appropriate. I'll just leave you with the title of a beloved playground from my childhood. Cowboys Vs Indians

Gary - Redskins - Now here's a game that is a true coin flip. I just figured I'd go with the home team.

Steelers -3@ Lions

Brandon - Steelers -He gives the edge to the sword wielding Steelers in this gladiator style battle. His answers are getting shorter and shorter the more he gets engrossed by the enthralling match of SKT vs RNG

Gary - Steelers - The lions are a lot worse than last year. And Pittsburgh is a lot better than they were 3 weeks ago.

Broncos -7.5@ Chiefs

Brandon - Chiefs - The Chiefs are in need of some new horses. They will treat the Broncos with love and care, not unlike you can do as Link in Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Side note, if you have not played that game, do it. Best game made in years.

Gary - Chiefs - I struggled picking against my Chiefs. I do pick against them, if necessary, but I like the 11 day layoff and the complete lack of offense by Denver.

I'm really enjoying writing this, whether anyone is reading it or not. I would like to keep doing it and writing other pieces as well so if any of you have feedback, positive or negative let me know. If you so choose you can follow me on the twitter machine @TheGaryKozchuck. I'm also trying to figure out a way to put this in podcast form so if any of you would like something like that, then let me know so I can work more vigilantly on it. Thanks, and happy betting.