Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars
escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctua...Posted Apr 1, 2009, 4:00 PM UTC
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escapistmagazine.com
Funny April Fools joke.
Also it's always nice to see Yahtzee look at a genre he never normally plays.
However I do wish he'd check out Starcraft for a good example of an RTS where tank/heavy units en masse are anything but a key to victory; unless you're playing dipshit AI.
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Just as he said, from under the rocks they come.
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Well even in halo wars massing tanks is only a good strategy against the computer. I have played that game for hours and hours and hours, but never once opened the campaign option, i played a few skirmishes to get the controls down then went straight to the online portion.
Maybe its just me, but campaign in any rts has never been all that fun.
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Company of Heroes and Homeworld.
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Especially CoH with that monster of a patch that just came out.
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points to C&C 1, Red Alert 1 and even Tiberian Sun and begs to differ
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C&C was a fucking epic!
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world in conflict
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I liked the SC campaign. It feels a little dated when you go back to it after ~10 years, but even then I still have fun.
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the campaign in halo wars has amazing cut scenes. it's worth playing just to see them (and its very short anyway, something like 15 missions)
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Unless you get stuck on the tenth mission and say Fuck that like a chinese zookeeper to the last living male panda.
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Obviously reviewing Halo Wars as an example of an RTS was a joke in itself. At least I hope it was.
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If he reviewed good games, it wouldn't be as funny. (Is Fallout 3 the only good game he's reviewed?)
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Portal and Psychonauts
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Call of Duty 4
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but he said he'd kill himself if he praised any other game
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Orange Box (Portal) and Painkiller he loved.
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Whoa Painkiller looks interesting. Steam's got a free demo and the game itself for $10.
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Jesus christ, could Unskippable sound any more canadian?
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Eh he was just finishing a molson you hoser
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[deleted]
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erm. what?
edit: oh.
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Sheesh, why all the downmodding? I didn't understand a word, looked it up, it turned out to be canadian slang for a drunk idiot. You're acting like I said something bad about FUBAR.
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We don't have accents. That's just how things sound when they're pronounced correctly.
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Clearly, you haven't been around any Newfies lately...
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We barely count them as Canadians though. They only joined us in 1949, and we don't hold each other in high esteem.
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yeah, "joined"
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Excepting Rick Mercer, of course.
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They are in Victoria, BC. They also make their own videos (and have done so for quite some time) at LoadingReadyRun.
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I.. didn't notice any accent. Maybe I have a Canadian accent? D= I am Canadian, but most west-coasters can usually blend into the typical Hollywood used-on-TV accent.
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Don't feel bad. I'm from Washington State and I went to Kentucky a bit back (I have a good amount of extend family back there), I kept getting told that I talk like a Canadian.
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I was taught years ago in high school theatre arts that most Canadians and Californians have "null" accents (no real outstanding traits) and therefore make good tv personalities. No idea if this is true or not- I know I don't notice an accent either, but as you say, I'm Canadian.
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Sounds a bit like if a wussier version of Henry Rollins were to review video games.
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Terrible, too. It sounded like he was doing a really bad sell for X-Blades instead of bashing it.
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Pony Jam looks awesome.
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How exactly are those fuckers getting around adblock with their ridiculous ads? That little pop-over-the-video ad on top of the technicolour nightmares on the sides is really overkill.
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[deleted]
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Is it me, or is the rest of escapist crap?
I mean, the only reason anyone goes there is for ZP, right? Or am I missing something?
EDIT: Ok, so Unskippable was moderately entertaining this time around, but probably only because they had Yahtzee.
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[deleted]
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whew! thanks!
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I enjoy Unskippable more than ZP, it actually has me laughing out loud most episodes. I didn't enjoy the episode with Yahtzee in it, but I enjoyed the ZP with Unskippable guy in it.
On a related note, WHAT HAS YAHTZEE DONE WITH UNSKIPPABLE GUY!? If he's dead, I'll cry.
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I used to really like Escapist, back when they were trying the "online magazine" look. Not a lot of people did and they probably had good reasons, but I always found they had some decent ideas floating around. Then I guess things started drifting downhill and they revamped the site to ... I don't know, appeal to the mainstream or some bullshit and I stopped watching. I actually found Yahtzee before he went to the Escapist (he'd only done two episodes) and followed him back there. Yes, at this point in time ZP is the only good thing about the Escapist, with one or two exception articles every other month or so.
But it wasn't always that way, imhbaco.
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But it wasn't always that way, imhbaco.
Are you swearing an oath to bacon or am I missing something?
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__I__n __M__y __H__umble __B__ut __A__lways __C__orrect __O__pinion
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I never find much else on there
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I tried to submit the Unskippable episode where he made a guest appearance on Monday only to have it thoroughly neglected.
http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/88zqe/ben_yahtzee_croshaw_cohosts_the_unskippable/
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That's because everybody on the internet hates Unskippable, and the people who make it, and - by extension - Victoria B.C., and all of it's residents.
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awww. the one time my town gets mentioned on reddit and we're hated. I accept no responsibility for unskippable btw. now that i know they exist.
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Well, okay. Now I hate Victoria, except for hollyblue and Sam Logan.
And I think some of my relatives over there.
Come back to the mainland, relatives! I can't extend too many free non-hatred passes or they'll think I've gone soft!
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Yahtzee was way funnier than the others. Almost made it worth watching.
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I've been having a lot of fun with the campaign, but it's bolstered by the fact that I'm playing it cooperatively.
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its really best played with friends. I only ever play 2v2 or 3v3 matches with people on my friends list. Its very comical when everyone is in Part Chat shouting their strategies to the enemy.
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I still have to try that. Had fun with the campaign though.
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[deleted]
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Halo Wars sucks. Everyone here thinks so.
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I don't think it sucks...
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It is interesting, to me, that both of the above comments are in positive karma.
I guess people are, as a rule, more likely to upvote than to downvote. There could be something more complicated going on, though.
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some think it blows
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Hmmm sucks and blows both have karma...
Maybe there is some overlap?
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[deleted]
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You bitch? DOWNVOTED!
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Did anyone else find that quite disorientating?
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Slightly on Topic. For an RTS on the console, Halo Wars has done a phenomenal job creating a accessible and function interface for the controls.
for example, the Radial Menus are only 1 layer deep. And the NPCs do a decent job with the micro managing.
Given, its retarded when you have a lot of units built and you press Y on a structure, only to have your Hogs slam themselves into oblivion against the building...
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Heh, that warthog thing always makes me laugh. Generally though, the combined firepower from all the other units outweighs the issue of your hogs losing some health due to drunken driving.
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Not one of his better ones, but still worth it..Up Vote
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[deleted]
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I love when he accents the "very"
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Steamrolling across the map with a massive army of tanks... yup... just about every RTS but for a handful of shining examples.
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You suck at RTSes, don't you?
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You say that like I'm supposed to be proud if I'm good at them... it's a game, man. If you give a shit over if you're skilled at a game or not, shoot yourself in the head and fall into a river of shit.
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I have no clue what just happened.
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best one yet
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I've been playing Halo Wars since it's initial release and have a few observations in multiplayer:
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The 2v2/3v3's really are the most fun as long as you get a good partner. It's absolutely stunning how many people don't use a microphone and make it exceedingly difficult to plan a joint strategy.
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Anyone that says a mass tank rush will win either hasn't played an RTS very extensively or has been playing against utter buffoons. Halo Wars is set up very "Paper, Rock, Scissors" (like most good RTSes). If someone makes a tank rush, it's easy enough to counter it. Single unit rushes are only good against the CPU and novice players.
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RTS is one of those genres which are difficult to translate to the console. After fighting with the controls and wishing for a mouse, eventually you recognize it for what it is. It's sort of like dating the older sister when you really want the younger, hotter one. After a while, you realize the action is still pretty good. It's a solid effort in translation.
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The single player campaign is way, way too short. Way too short.
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If you like the Halo universe and you like RTS, I think you'll enjoy the game. It doesn't have the complexity of Supreme Commander or Star Craft, but it is a lot like bite sized Snickers. It can be very tasty and you don't have to invest a lot of time. However, it's never going to be a whole meal.
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That was his best review this year. I lol'd for real at that one.
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You guys should seriously watch Unskippable though.
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[deleted]
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I almost feel sorry for him now.
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Dunno man, seems like a less funny MST3K rip-off.
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The sad thing is, I'm an MST3K nut, and I think the idea for Unskippable (while kind of an obvious one) is good. It could have been great, but the comedians are just not up to par. This is illustrated by the recent guest appearance of Yahtzee on Unskippable: he was great; they were not.
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That's one thing that podcasts/videos like these drive home: when it comes to media beyond the printed/displayed word, some people got it, and some people don't. It's sad but true. Some people just have the voice or personality for audio/visual shows, and others just don't. People really need to understand this, and then get someone else to talk if they're good at writing but not so good at presenting.
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any episode in particular that is especially awesome?
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Latest one is pretty cool, and so was last week's. But I think the first one (that got them the contract) was the best.
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Definitely Start with Lost Planet...
Because no one could surround a guy like Bernie...
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[deleted]
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haha rts games are lame.
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oh cool 10 downmods! ill say it again but this time with more piercing truth: rts games are lame and the people who play them are sad and pathetic losers!
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Comparing a game genre that requires literally 0 skill(rpg = just grind) with a game genre that is the most skill dependent(rts) is stupid to say the least.
Btw, halo wars isnt an rts, they just made it to milk all the halo consoltards.
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Just out of pure curiosity, could you define RTS for me?
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Anything that is played without a mouse, isnt an rts.
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How does the deduction of a mouse remove the characteristics of a game that make it Real time or Strategy?
I mean you could make the argument that there are no good RTS games that don't employ a mouse, but to say that Halo Wars as it is right now doesn't qualify as an RTS is just wrong.
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Do you know any good rts that doesnt use a mouse? The same way you cant have a fps in consoles, the same way you cant have a rts in consoles.
Just because you have some fps games in consoles that use autoaim, huge hit boxes and slow movement, doesnt mean that they are fps. The very nature of the console means that the key factors in the fps genre(aiming+moving) have to be compromised in order to fit the gamepad controller.
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[deleted]
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If by "incredibly far" you mean "it's the only genre that has such a thing...."
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[deleted]
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Most don't.
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I can think of one or two, and being a PC Gamer, I've played a lot of FPS's.
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It's zero punctuation, but there's punctuation in the title. hahaha, im so original.
That's a very interesting place you found on Google Maps.
So that's what the gates of Hell look like.
Oh, fuck you both. God damn it. I wouldn't even have looked for it if not for this post.
Karma Points Per Week, Graphed
Mirror
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly.... timey-wimey.... stuff.
I personally love that The Doctor could take some time out of his busy day to visit us.
Not to mention that we now know the Doctor's true name: it's dickbutt. No wonder he keeps it secret...
Cartoon I did a year or so ago.
You should post this to the doctor who subreddit. They'd get a kick out of it.
Better Mirror
Oh, is it Wednesday already?
I hate this comment. I never want to wake up and think "What day is this? Wednesday? Oh man, It's zero punctuation, but...". Don't do that to me, reddit. I want to think about $1 2-4-1 with 50 cent wings at the bar or something nice like that.
Dude, that's Thursday.
Double Rudds for you today!
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What are you going to do when you run out of letters? oh yeah that.
I suffered through the diggification for the sheer joy of seeing this post.
Longest successfully running joke on reddit.
Grats!
Funny thing, it makes me laugh every god damned time.
[deleted]
It's Wednesday baby.
And it comes after Tuesday.
And Germany lost WWII.
Take it easy, everybody loses WWII on their first trip.
Keepin' it alive, jd.
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this needs to be upvoted so much harder.
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Fuuuuuuuuck. That's not google maps!
A bunch of those are rickrolls...
Really? No!
I should check.
if all that was just building to a rickroll, i'm bored. if this is april fools, i'm vaguely amused.