Shamed by daycare provider
I'm getting really frustrated with my daycare provider (DP). Because of some complications late in pregnancy taking my leave we had to start baby in daycare at 5 weeks old, he's now almost 3 months.
I decided to breastfeed rather than go with formula. DP said that was fine in our interview with her. Breastfed babies eat more often than formula fed babies, but I wasn't aware of any other behavioral difference. Talking to her now, you would think breastfed babies are a completely different kind of baby.
Every morning when I drop him off DP basically shames me for breastfeeding because "it's so much more work for daycare providers". She blames it for him not napping consistently. She blamed it for the diaper rash he had last week. She blames it for him occasionally wanting to be held during the day. Like, he's still a young baby and none of those things seems uncommon?
Today she started pushing me to add formula to his diet so he will nap better for her. And I just don't want to mess with his food. He's doing well on breast milk and changing things could cause him a lot of discomfort.
It basically took my entire pregnancy to find this daycare spot so switching to a different provider is not an option and we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. DP takes good care of him otherwise and I don't worry about his safety while he's with her. But I am sick of having the talk about how hard breastfed babies are every morning at dropoff.
Posted Oct 29, 2021, 6:33 PM UTC
Look her firmly in the eye and say that your choice to breastfeed is no longer up for discussion. Every time she brings it up, interrupt and say the same thing.
Yes! This. Perfect response here.
If she continues to complain about your very reasonable desire to continue breastfeeding your 3 month old child, you need to get someone else involved - her supervisor or the manager of the daycare. This is inappropriate and it needs to stop.
Please also look into new Daycare’s bc this is unacceptable
Edit to add: I found my kids daycare on care.com some daycares don’t qualify to advertise as “daycare” per city ordinances so that might be a possibility to get you out of there
I mean, I think you missed the part where she said the daycare provider was hard to find, and she generally trusts her and she is within her budget. I think being that confrontational carries a big risk of alienating the DP. I think she just has to sort of deal with it, because that’s life, and sometimes people will give you shitty child rearing advice that you just blithely ignore, instead of starting conflict.
Thats not confrontational. Its affirmative and firm.
I mean, it’s certainly affirmative and firm. It’s also confrontational. Those aren’t mutually exclusive. Childcare right now is not a buyer’s market. Even if you’re willing to pay top dollar, you’re still twisting yourself into pretzels to keep a good nanny satisfied because she has other options. OP found a nanny that she trusts and can afford. It’s kind of a no brainer that the right approach here is to smile and nod.
It's the DP initiating the confrontation though. The relationship has already become contentious because of DPs behavior, OP only has control over how they respond to the confrontation. I personally think being straight-forward and shutting her down is the better option, oherwise they risk DP continuing to push boundaries because OP is allowing them to.
Am I misunderstanding, or did you mean it’s a sellers market? Because that’s how it feels where I am.
This is good advice and you could throw a lie in there and say you’ve tried formula but baby didn’t like it or had an upset stomach. Then you’ll get no more questions.
I wouldnt lie. And it wont be the end of it. It’ll be the start of “why dont you try…”
Amen! I literally don’t have words about the diaper rash part. I have no idea how that could be explained on BF. Best of luck! I hope things smooth out soon, OP!
If you're worried this is too blunt (although I feel it's great and direct) you could always say something like.
I understand you'd like me to try formula to make baby sleep longer, however this is not something I'm interested in trying and will continue breastfeeding as this is scary I have decided with my family and medical team is best for my baby. Please stop asking me to try formula as it's not something I intend on doing. I will let you know if and when I decide to try formula.
I feel it still gets the point across, but it's less direct and may come across as less confrontational.
You could also explain that giving formula doesn't make babies sleep longer and that's a common myth, but working in child care she may reject that as from her experience she knows better.
THIS!
This is the way to go! Be very blunt!