Hey guys!!

So I'm back again, and this time I've done some serious surgery to this novel's structure, shuffling around timelines and plot points and in general uprooting everything. I also took some time to think about POV, and I think the story will be stronger if the POV swaps between the main characters, so now I have the opening chapter from Maverick's POV. Chapter 2 is going to swap to Dylan, and so on and so forth.

The main criticism I received from last time was that there weren't a lot of horror or speculative elements going on yet, and Maverick is waist-deep in this shit, so I think he's a better entry point into the story for the reader. Let me know what you think!

THE DEATH TOUCH
YA Contemporary Fantasy/Horror*

Chapter Summary: (Chapter 1: The Black-Eyed Demon) Maverick and his brother Russell investigate the site of an accidental death after learning a demonic force hangs over the place.

Content Warnings for this chapter: Insects, body horror, graphic violence, (verbal) parental abuse, bullying, death, graphic descriptions of horrific things

LINK TO THE WORK

Let me know if this link is acting squirrely...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17joI4poo_lFwUcjxUIgP7tbhYkFCEBh_ca7aP_OKXU4/edit?usp=sharing

CRITIQUE WISHLIST

Thinking about some of the common things I heard last time... so improvement check!

• Do you feel there were enough speculative/horror elements this time around to meet genre expectations?
• Was there enough action and conflict? Did it feel engaging? YA can be pretty fast-paced, so that's my yardstick.
• Did the tension build properly throughout the chapter and peak at the end?
• Do you see any problematic grammatical or stylistic prose issues, especially if there's a pattern to them? If there's anything grammatical I missed that you can teach me, please let me know! (Bonus: I tried to vary my sentence structure this time. Did it work?)
• How did you feel about the description? Did it feel grounded in Maverick's POV as a narrator? Did any of the descriptions feel vague or generic? Did any section of the text feel emaciated, like it needed more description?
• Does Maverick sound his age (17)? How about Russell (20)?
• Dylan has a pretty unique voice as many people commented on in the past chapter. Does Maverick have a strong enough voice to feel distinct from Dylan since they're going to be swapping as narrator every other chapter?
• Do you have any thoughts on the characterization?
• I'm allergic to exposition, so I don't explain how any of the worldbuilding works -- I'm pretty much tossing the reader into the fire and letting them figure it out themselves. That said, did you feel grounded in the worldbuilding (the demons, how to fight them, what's going on with Maverick, etc)? Was anything confusing?
• There's a very important reveal at the end. Did it feel satisfying? Did it explain Maverick's behavior and some of the conversations he has?
• Setting? Did you get a feel for where the characters are, both in location and in time? (Bonus: Did you get the vibe they're in a rural setting this time?)
• IDK. Vibe check? What do you think of it as a whole? Does it seem interesting enough to continue reading?
• Favorite line?

Whatever else you want to say is appreciated too, of course!

Thanks guys! I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts again :)

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SACRIFICES

Let us sacrifice these on the altar of RDR:

[2704] [830] [1708] [274] [869] [514] [1025] [269] [269 again?] [1324] [1040] [2951] [488] [658] [1483] [2140]

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*because is it really urban fantasy if it's rural? ;)